Into The Rain

[Messydesk]

INTO THE RAIN

 

 

 

Dear Diary

 

 

 

Dear Diary,

 

I still remember the day Cassie disappeared. She just left, without even saying goodbye. Whether she was thinking or not that day is beyond me, but even if she knew what she was doing, I certainly didnt. Her last words seem to have etched themselves into my heart. I do love you, you know. All I wanted to do was kiss her right there and then. I wouldve chased after her, but there was nothing I couldve said that would have stopped her at that moment. She walked out from underneath the small shelter my old umbrella was providing for us, out into the rain. I called after her, but she just looked back and winked at me with that beautiful smile of hers on her face, before she broke into a sprint.

 

Its funny; she gave me this diary actually. I remember that Christmas day, too.

 

Im not the kind of person to write in diaries. I laughed, placing the leather-bound diary on the floor. It wasnt dated or anything, but it had DIARY written across the front in golden font. It was very Cassie.

 

I know, but you will be. One day, I bet you will be.

 

At the time, I thought nothing of it and we carried on unwrapping the presents. I tell you this, because, well I dont know why; I guess for some reason I can trust you. You wont judge me. You cant judge me. Because, well, you dont have a brain.

 

Anyway, theres a reason Im thinking of the night Cassie walked out of my life with no explanation. The weather tonight is spookily similar to that day. The sky isnt exactly black tonight; its a dark shade of blue, just like that night. The rain isnt little droplets, its thin streams, almost forming lines. Out of the window next to me I can see a bit of fog shrouding round a street lamp, seemingly penetrated by the rain.

 

I really miss her. But then, I still dont feel like Im the type of person who would write in a diary. Not continuously, anyway. Because, well, what Im writing at the moment, theyre just words arent they? They dont mean anything to you. Nothing does. Theyre just words!

 

Words, Words, Words!

 

Why dont you write them yourself?

 

 

Dreams and realities

 

 

 

Cassie! Thats the only word that I can remember. I live the scene over and over in my dreams, when I do dream, instead of when the darkness consumes me. The darkness is consuming me more and more, I cant fight it off. Im too weak. Waking up is just something that hasnt happened since I dont remember when. Really, I dont remember anything at all. Well, thats a lie. This one night, this one guy, calling out this one word, only around five minutes, and then its all fuzzy again. Like a foggy midnight, where the moon comes into plain sight for a while, but you know it wont last.

 

Cassie! I dont know what the word means, or why he was calling it. I dont even know if he was saying it to me. I think he was, or maybe I just want him to be calling me (in the memory, I mean), so in my mind, he is. They say the mind is a powerful tool, at least I think they do, people can think what they want to if they really try. The mind does what it thinks will make you happy, the saying goes, I seem to remember, Im not sure, but it seems to make sense. But if the man calling this word, whatever it means, wasnt calling after me; I dont get how that would make this any worse. Plus, if he was calling after me, then it doesnt make the situation any better either. I dont even know what the word meant.

 

 

 

Its odd. Im feeling some strength return to me now. Since that memory and things started going fuzzy, I never really did much. I just was, I guess. I havent moved as far as I can tell. In my dreams, I saw myself in the reflections from mirrors, silver and puddles. In my dreams, my eyes are open. In my dreams, Im still weak, though. I fall over every now and then, grazing my knee or hand.

 

But now, its almost as if this darkness that shrouds my mind all the time is fading. I dont know if I can open my eyes. I should try, but something is stopping me. Fear?

 

 

 

Cassie! That word is driving me crazy. I just cant place it. I dont think its a verb. You cant Cassie something. Or can you? I really doubt its an adjective. Wow that book is very Cassie! It just doesnt quite fit, does it? Or maybe it does, and Im that out of sync. I still cant bring myself to try and open my eyes to the light. Its like Im too weak. As if the weakness is an illness; which I just cant shake. Even though theres a part of me that thinks the answers are out there, for all I know I could lose everything by opening my eyes.

 

 

 

What have I got to lose? There has to be more than this.

 

 

 

Closed Doors

 

 

 

From: [email protected]

 

To: [email protected]

 

Subject: Help?

 

 

 

Hey Sis. Ive been going through a really rough time recently; I just dont know who else I could turn to. Everything is just so screwed up. Its ironic really, Ive always been the one saying that you have to take the storms of real life with a pinch of a salt, but when the tides turn, Im the only one that seems to drown.

 

Whats going down with you? I just need to read about society I guess and pull myself back into it. Sorry, Im a wreck and you probably dont need that. No-one does.

 

Love, Tom

 

 

 

From: [email protected]

 

To: [email protected]

 

Subject: Keep your chin up. X

 

Attached: Directions For Tom.doc

 

 

 

Sorry I didnt respond sooner, I got caught doing a double shift at the hospital, its really busy right now. Its odd, the teenagers go back to school and the disapproving adults start to act up. The hypocrisy of it all is actually incredible. Sometimes I wonder why I stay here. But then a case comes along where you can actually help someone. I mean, for example, Ill tell you about these two patients of mine. Theres a Jane Doe in a coma right now. We cant tell exactly how old she is but she cant be older than 30, its such a sad story. She was brought in an ambulance around six months ago, someone found her lying on the pavement in the rain. There was a crashed car near by, the car was proper mashed, so its possible that she was the driver and she was trying to crawl away for help and just collapsed. Shes beautiful Tom, she really is. Then theres this guy weve had for about a year now. Hes on a life support machine and his family has decided to keep him on it. That was eleven months ago. Every Wednesday morning his wife comes in to see him, and she brings fresh flowers and puts them in a vase next to his bed. She spends around 10 minutes just talking about his friends and how their missing him, then she kisses his forehead, and leaves. The odd thing is that she never says goodbye. I asked her why once, she said its because she knows that hell keep fighting so that she gets to say hello again. Its really sweet, but its so tragic. 11 months, Tom. 11 months, with no sign of improvement.

 

I guess what Im trying to say is, well, it could be worse, Tom. I know that isnt the most comforting thing to hear right now, but youve got to look on the bright side. Maybe you should get out of work for a while.

 

You have a car, why dont you drive down here and spend a while living with me? Ive been living alone since Trish moved out and you could use the company. Ill attach the directions from your place to mine. Road planners these days are so useful!

 

I hope to see you very soon, Tom.

 

Remember, look on the bright side!

 

Love, Naomi.

 

P.S: I found this quote and I think itd do you good to give it a read over once or twice. When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us. Its by a woman called Helen Keller.

 

 

 

From: [email protected]

 

To: [email protected]

 

Subject: R.E: Keep your chin up. X

 

 

 

Thanks for the quote, it helped. Ive printed it off and stuck it on my wall.

 

Were you serious about me coming and staying with you? How long for? I dont want to feel like Im intruding. I know youre really busy with the hospital right now and all. But if you were serious, Id love to. I still have my holiday days saved up from last year and everything

 

Love, Tom.

 

 

 

Questions and Answers

 

 

 

It took me a long time to make up my mind. All those times where I faded back into that state of mind where I could think, and all I thought about was the word. However, I am still no closer to figuring out what that word means. Why am I so obsessed with it?

 

Cassie! The word seems to echo through my mind.

 

Ive realized over time, I need to open my eyes. Not metaphorically for once, but literally. The light may not have the answers but if I stay in this state, then I dont want to know what will happen. If this weakness really is an illness, then Ill fight it. I think I can fight it. I can, cant I?

 

 

 

The situation became very clear to me, I was in a hospital.

 

 

 

I found the energy to pick up my arm and brush the fringe out of my eyes. They adjusted to the light fairly quickly. Something about the man in front of me was familiar, but I couldnt place it. My oxygen mask muffled my voice, but I still found the volume to speak a little bit.

 

Do you know?

 

Yeah. Im sorry; youve just recovered from, well, a coma. I shook my head, to indicate that wasnt what I meant, but I was glad for that information. To hear a voice that wasnt my own. The man moved closer towards me, taking his coat off and resting it on his lap as he sat next to me on the bed. Do I know what, then? He asked, curiously.

 

What it means. I replied simply.

 

What does what mean? His voice seemed to tremble. It was almost as if he was fighting back tears.

 

The word Cassie I did my best to say it casually.

 

Yeah I do. Its, well, its a name. He sighed, before mumbling something I didnt quite hear.

 

What? I asked, trying not to sound too curious.

 

Nothing, its not important. He burbled, giving a forced smile.

 

 

 

Loud, quick speaking voices echoed down the hall and he stood up as a doctor and nurse appeared around the corner, and walked towards my bed.

 

Can I speak to you for a moment, Sir? The doctor was speaking directly to the man whod told me the meaning of the word. He seemed slightly taken aback, but he nodded. The nurse stepped forwards and pulled the curtain around the bed, leaving us in a cubicle type space, whilst the two men discussed something I couldnt hear outside.

 

 

 

I strained my ears to listen to what they were saying, but the nurse started talking to me, trying to be comforting. I gave up and just listened to her soothing words for a while, and after about five minutes they pulled the curtain back again, and the Doctor returned. The man hesitated in the background as if he was contemplating something, but didnt come forwards.

 

Miss Doe, I think you should get some rest. The doctor had a smooth voice, but made it clear he wasnt asking for a favour.

 

Miss Doe? I questioned. Even though I couldnt remember my name, Doe didnt strike any bells in my mind.

 

As we dont know your official name; that is what we call you, Jane Doe. After this, the doctor turned to the man and he nodded, the doctor turned back to me, with a smile on his face.

 

I swallowed and nodded, before taking one last glance at the man whod been by my bedside when I woke up. I gave him a weak smile, then settled my head back and just let myself drift off.

 

 

 

Call Me Cassie

 

 

Dear Diary,

 

Im back. Today was not what I was expecting at all. After an invitation from my sister, I packed some things and came to stay with her for a week. That was yesterday. Today, I came back home to London. I dropped Naomi off at the hospital, and then spent the day lounging around. I went back to pick her up, and something amazing happened. It was sudden, but I knew instantly. We were walking back from the nursing station and she decided to show me her Jane, to show me that life could be worse. It actually made it a lot better, Im not sure if she expected it or not. Something spectacular happened when we were there. Miss Jane Doe woke up. She didnt remember me, but she was alive. Naomi rushed off to find someone on duty, and I stayed. I stayed, and I talked to her. Not much, but it was enough.

 

 

 

The doctor pulled me aside right then. I think Naomi told him, because I dont know how else he wouldve known. I wonder if she knew before shed even emailed me.

 

It doesnt matter how; he knew that he should pull me aside. We had a history she wouldnt remember. The doctor said to me, in a very official tone, that she caused the crash herself. The night she was brought into the hospital, the paramedics reported no other cars. Maybe she wasnt as happy as I thought. He also told me that it was up to me, whether or not I should let her remember, or let her find it out on her own. If she found out naturally, it would be a lot calmer, and if I was important before, shed find a way to talk to me. But it was up to me. Well, Diary, if you had emotions, I think youd be proud of me. I thought about it for a while, and I realized whatd become of me. My thing for her wasnt love anymore, it was obsession. It wasnt healthy, for either of us.

 

 

 

I watched her drift off to sleep then requested the nurse to give her my contact details if she asked for them, and then asked for just a minute alone with her. The doctor nodded and left me with her. I walked towards her and kissed her on the forehead, like Naomi had described the wife of the other coma patient did. My eyes started to water as I left her side, possibly forever. I stepped outside of the hospital, ready to forge a new life. Naomi was leaning against a wall, calm as anything. We got into my car and I gave a second thought to something she said just before she drifted off to sleep with a little smile on her face. If you dont know my real name, and I dont know my real name, can you call me Cassie? My tears stopped and a small smile formed on my face as we drove away, into the sun.

[issy2]

Are you Andy?

[Messydesk]

Yep :)

[issy2]

Ohhh xD Thought this was plagarism for a minute. Well it's nice to read this again, I remember it well! :P

[Messydesk]

Ohhh xD Thought this was plagarism for a minute. Well it's nice to read this again, I remember it well! :P

 

 

 

Hah like anyone would plagerize me!

 

Have you changed your msn? x

[issy2]

Ohhh xD Thought this was plagarism for a minute. Well it's nice to read this again, I remember it well! :P

 

 

 

Hah like anyone would plagerize me!

 

Have you changed your msn? x

 

 

 

I don't thiiink so... I'll pm it to you just in case : )

[nine naked men]

That made me sad. D:

 

 

 

Amazing read, too.

[Messydesk]

That made me sad. D:

 

 

 

Amazing read, too.

 

 

 

Aww thanks :D