I posted this on the RSOF, and now I'd like to share it here. Tell me what you think of these short stories I wrote. I'll be adding more as time goes on.

 

You don't have to reply. I just hope you enjoy them. :wink:

 

1. The Three Adventurers

2. Runescape Inferno

 

[hide]The Three Adventurers

 

Once there were three adventurers.

 

The oldest was the leader of the bunch, a short, muscular man who had fought in many battles and won many wars, but lacked the wisdom of a sage. He took on any challenge, fought any man or unholy beast. While the oldest was the strongest in combat, he was the weakest with the wage. He consistently gambled, and often times lost all his bets. His other brothers always urged him to stop, but he could not resist the lure of gold which drove him into debt.

 

The next of the brothers was a curious one. He was a kind man; in his size he was average, and in his speech he was the same. He had no shame, unlike his eldest sibling. Nor did he seek love, as does his youngest. Infact, his personality was quite tame. And so he proclaimed, from time to time, that he were the model of all men.

 

The last of the brothers was the tallest of body. He could stretch his length out for miles, and perhaps his lust for women was as tall as his frame. This brother sought not money, but love. Inferior in brains, not quite, for he was the smartest of the group.

 

One day upon their long adventures the trio traveled to a cave. There in the darkest depths they came upon a large serpent coiled up against a wall. It spoke to the three adventurers, and told them that it would give them each a separate and challenging task. If they completed their task, they would be rewarded with the one thing they desired. The brothers accepted.

 

And so said the serpent to the first,

 

"Find me this certain egg,

do not make me beg.

And I shall reward thee,

with riches up to the knee."

 

Curious, the oldest adventurer asked, "Where might I find this egg, O Serpent?"

 

The reptile riddled readily,

 

"This egg is found in the simplest of places,

Don't travel too far, you need not walk many paces,

For a tail of arrows hides the object you seek,

Be wary of the angry animal's sharp beak."

 

"HA!" Cried the bravest brother. "No monster is tough enough for me. You see, I am the bravest of us three. A worthy fighter and a noble warrior. Pain fears me and death himself runs from me."

 

"As they do," spoke the snake, and the oldest immediately departed to find the egg.

 

And then the second said, "O Great Slitherer, what do you have for me? Is it fame, is it love, is is riches? For I have no weakness and seek none of those things, an aspect which makes men jealous of me."

 

And so said the Serpent to the second:

 

"Fetch me a great prize,

that lights up men's eyes.

I and shall reward thee,

With immortality."

 

Curious, the second-oldest adventurer asked, "Where might I find this prize, O Slitherer?"

 

The reptile readily replied:

 

"This item which I seek may be many things,

And this item will be easy to bring.

For I wish of you a trophy of your finest strength,

One which will match your bodily length."

 

"HA!" Cried the brother. "I carry no shortcoming, so my task will be a snap. No challenge avoids me, for I am fair at everything. I have no weakness. So Serpent, I will be back in a tap."

 

"So you will." Said the Serpent. And the second adventurer disappeared out of the cave to find the trophy.

 

And then the last said, "O Bold Beast of these Caves, what do you have for me? Is is immortality? Is it riches? I desire none of these odd things. For all I wish for is to have one true love, for women fall for me but will not marry me."

 

And so said the Serpent to the third:

 

"Bring me an object of gold,

if you be so bold.

I and shall reward thee,

With true love, I garantee."

 

Curious, the third-oldest adventurer asked, "Where might I find this gold, O Beast of these Caves?"

 

The reptile readily replied:

 

"What I wish from you is gold,

Not any old metal, but one shaped to a mould.

For I wish of you a token from a female,

Around your finger it may trail."

 

"HA!" Cried the brother. "I am the sweetheart of all women. Finding this ring shall be so easy, I will carry it out in a breeze. I will return to you with this ring, fly as if I had wings."

 

"So you shall." said the serpent. And the final adventurer exited the cave to find the ring.

 

 

The first brother departed with the riddle in mind, unsure of what creature the egg might belong to. He remembered the serpent's riddle, that he should not travel too far, and so he searched the area around him. Soon he came upon a large boulder, and cried "AHA! A test of my strength. What a fool the serpent was to call this task toilsome!" And with one mighty push he slid the boulder to the side.

 

The boulder had revealed a icy path. He traveled down his path and soon came to a large entrance to a dungeon. He thought to himself, "this must be the place where the foul creature lies, in this unforgiving hollow." So he dived in to the dungeon, and fought his way through wicked and tormented beasts, all whom ate his sword, but none possessed a beak.

 

At the end of the dungeon he met a powerful bird creature with claws of steel and wings that stretched four men. In a perilous and bloody battle, he bested the beast and stole one of its eggs.

 

At last the eldest returned to the snake's cave and presented the serpent with the egg. But the serpent would not accept the egg, and confessed it was not the right one. The adventurer, dismayed, left the cave.

 

Next he hunted the smaller flying birds in the same dungeon, and presented their egg to the serpent, but the serpent would not accept it. He then fought the fiery phoenix in Port Phasmatys, but to his dismay the serpent again declined this egg.

 

Desperate, he turned to the Wise old man of Draynor Village. The adventurer begged, "O Wise Old Man, I beseech thee, solve this riddle for me and you will have a full half of my riches!"

 

And the gray-haired man gaily replied, "repeat this reptile's riddle to me"

 

And so the eldest did. The old man starched his chin and rubbed his neck, and then suddenly had a thought. He laughed with delight to the adventurer's anger, and said these words:

 

"My friend, are you so blinded by your strength? You fight powerful beasts and mighty foes, yet you still have no reward. Do you look no further than what you expect to fight?" and he crackled with laughter, "If I be a Wise man you be an egghead."

 

The brother, sick of further riddles, stormed off in a rage.

 

 

The second brother departed from the cave, with a trophy in mind. He remembered the serpent's riddle: "the item which I seek may be many things."

 

And so he set off to Catherby to enter into a fishing tournament, intent on getting the grand prize trophy. But no matter how many fish he caught, he was not the best, and ended up with 5th place out of 10 contestants! He received no trophy.

 

And so he set off to Brimhaven to enter into an agility tournament, intent on getting the grand prize trophy. But no matter how many pillars he jumped, he was not the fastest, and ended up with 10th place out of 20 contestants! He received no trophy.

 

The brother tried at the range tournament in Seer's Village, and the cooking tournament in Falador, and the magic tournament in Lumbridge, and finally the thieve's tournament in Ardougne, but none of these he won.

 

Desperate, he turned to the Wise old man of Draynor Village. The adventurer begged, "O Wise Old Man, I beseech thee, solve this puzzle for me and I will share with you this gift of immortality!"

 

And the gray-haired man gaily replied, "repeat this reptile's riddle to me."

 

And so the second did. The old man starched his chin and rubbed his neck, and then suddenly had a thought. He laughed with delight to the adventurer's anger, and said these words:

 

"My, my, do you not see the problem? My friend, you boast you have no weaknesses, yet you have no strengths! You will never beat anyone in anything, except perhaps in the tallest man contest! Haha!" The old man crackled with laughter, "If I be a Wise man, the serpent will surely make a trophy of you!"

 

And the second brother stormed off in anger, having learned nothing.

 

 

The third brother left the cave with the ring in mind, and set off to the great city of Varrock, and knew what he must do.

 

And so the brother, with his flirtatious and sly ways, soon had a trail of women at his tail.

 

The first woman he encountered had said she would die for the brother, but when the brother asked for a ring, a token of their love, the woman ran to her mother.

 

The second woman he encountered said she would make a thousand meals for him a day, but when the brother asked for a ring, a token of their love, the woman ran away.

 

The third woman he encountered said she would kiss him till the end of time, but when the brother asked for a ring, a token of their love, the woman darted as if she had committed a crime.

 

Desperate, he turned to the Wise old man of Draynor Village. The adventurer begged, "O Wise Old Man, I beseech thee, solve this dilemma for me and I will give you my ring!"

 

And the gray-haired man gaily replied, "repeat this reptile's riddle to me."

 

And so the third did. The old man starched his chin and rubbed his neck, and then suddenly had a thought. He laughed with delight to the adventurer's anger, and said these words:

 

"You are a lover, and the ladies fall for you, but as a husband, you lack much much more. Woman are smart, and they know the art of love. You would not make a fine husband, so you get no ring!" The old man crackled with laughter, "If I be a Wise man, you be a man whose heart is made of rotten gold!"

 

And the third brother stormed off in anger, having learned nothing.

 

 

Finally, the three brothers met up in Catherby to share what they had found. The first brother had told them the Wise old man's riddle, to which the third brother, the smartest, figured out immediately. The second brother told of his problem, to which the first brother, the strongest, knew he could accomplish. The third brother then told of his quandary, to which the second brother, the kindest of the trio, knew he could solve.

 

And so the brothers devised a plan to trick the Serpent. The first brother would take up the second brother's task. The second brother would take up the third brother's task. The third brother would take up the first brother's task.

 

So each of them set off to do the other's work.

 

The first brother, who was the strongest, entered a strength tournament in Yanille, to which he easily won first prize. He received the largest trophy in the land.

 

The second brother, who was the kindest, swindled a woman and presented her with gifts and flowers and undying love. He received the most beautiful diamond ring in the land.

 

The third brother, who was the smartest, solved the first brother's dilemma in a flash. He went over to a chicken coup, killed a chicken, and took from it the finest chicken egg in the land.

 

The brothers met up again, and exchanged their prizes.

 

They each presented their correct prize to the serpent in the cave, and the serpent was quite pleased.

 

"Great brothers, who have gathered these objects,

Do you intent to vex?

I see past your lies,

For you traded tasks before my eyes.

And now I shall reward each,

A gift according to the prize you never reached."

 

And then the Serpent granted the first brother, who was promised great riches, the reward of the third brother, which was true love. The second brother, who was promised immortality, received the reward of the first brother, which were vast riches. Finally, the third brother, who was promised true love, received the reward of the second brother, which was immortality.

 

Cried the first brother: "What gift is true love when I have my strength? O, what a useless gift!"

 

Cried the second brother: "What gift is riches when I have not the strength to use them? O, what a useless gift!"

 

Cried the third brother: "What gift is immortality if I cannot have true love? O, what a useless gift!"

 

And then the serpent cast a spell so they could not share their gifts with eachother, so that their trickery was not rewarded. Then he expelled the brothers from his cave with a menacing laugh.

 

With the promises they had made to the Wise old man, they each returned to Draynor village and gave up some of their reward. The first brother reluctantly handed over the expensive diamond ring, while the second brother handed over half his fortune, five hundred million gold pieces. Finally, the third brother shared his immortality with the old man.

 

And so the brothers returned to their adventures, empty handed except for their useless gift, and always were they wary of the great Serpent, if they might cross paths again.

 

What happened to the Wise old man of Draynor village? Why, with his riches, he bought many a thing, and decorated his once desolate house with maps, treasures, and pictures of kings. And some wonder to this day why such a frail man has not fallen in combat. Well, that is because of his immortality.[/hide]

 

[hide]Runescape Inferno

 

As I traveled through the dark forests in the outskirts of Varrock I had finally concluded that I had lost my way. Nothing but dead trees and desolate grounds surrounded me - with not a soul in sight. It was at this moment that a mean, ferocious goblin with wild hair and eyes that matched blocked my way. I ran from this horrid beast, through the woods and up the hills, oblivious as to where my feet were taking me. Then, out of the darkness sprang a mighty skeleton, with no desire but to kill; he too went after me. I turned in another direction and ran as far as I could go, until a third beast came from the trees. It was a menacing ice warrior, more powerful than the goblin and skeleton's strength combined. These three evil foes chased me across the land until they surrounded me against the wall of a graveyard.

 

I knew this was the end, until a flash of white light revealed a figure in front of me. It was a man of poor stature, and a funny looking face with buck teeth. But I was not at all concerned with this man's appearance, for I was still in danger. I pleaded the man to save me, for he seemed to possess some magical power.

 

He did not hesitate. The man took me by the hand, and suddenly I was overwhelmed with a sinking, ticklish feeling- and I realized, this is what it must feel to teleport. When the feeling had ended I found myself in a repulsive place, more wicked and sinful than the wilderness from which I had just come. I looked up from these scorched planes on which we stood, and saw a menacing, indominable gate that stood a length from us.

 

I had almost forgotten about my savior, for I was so occupied by the scene around me. He introduced himself to me, and said that his name was Andrew, an archangel of the Jagex Towers in the heavens. I asked him- why did you save me? And he replied,

 

"This is not your day to die. You stepped into the wilderness by misfortune, and I have saved you from a most horrible death. And now, to return the favor, you must travel down with me through the depths of Hell. You will pass on word of this heinous place to those on the surface, so that they will learn how their wicked ways are punished."

 

He waved his hands into the air in an ecclesiastical motion.

 

"Behold the eight deadly sins of Runescape- cowardice, anger, lust, annoyance, stubbornness, WBMing, stupidity, and greed. We will travel down seven circles to the very center of Gleinor, where we finally come across Him. Prepare yourself for such a journey- summon all your bravery and courage, for you will need it."

 

And so I followed my guide to the gate which stood before us. Surrounding this gate were souls and shades who were weak and bony. I asked my guide, "Who are these beings?" and he replied:

 

"These beings are those who cower in PvP or refuse to fight even the weakest bosses. Some even ignore combat altogether. We angels call them cowards, but you surface-dwellers have a better name for them: Skillers. Yes, these invertebrate lie here at the gates of Hell where they are punished with the most awful thing of all. They are forced to do nothing for infinity! For years these skillers wasted their miserable lives away clicking trees, rocks, and hunting spots, and occasionally misclicking the nearby ducks in the fishing guild . This thing you surfacers call "no-lifing" has become a drug to them- and now they are devoid of it. All they have now are their horrible thoughts to remind them of how puny and weak their bodies truly are. See how they draw back when you approach them? My friend, you have nothing to fear. They bragged of their achievements, but they never understood the only way to win an argument in runescape: an all out deathmatch."

 

We walked amongst the cowards of Hell, whom had bulgy eyes from staring at computers too long, twitchy hands from muscular dystrophy, and distorted, arched backs from leaning over rocks and trees. And I felt sad for these poor players, and thought that if perhaps they had only had a small taste in combat, they might have avoided this cruel fate.

 

Then the great Gates of Hell accepted us.

 

Suddenly I found myself amidst a strange scene, for we had entered the first circle of Hell. There were weak, geeky boys in striped collar shirts, with shorts that resided too high above their waist, and with long, bucked teeth with braces; it reminded me of my guide. These sinners were being continuously harassed by bullies who seemed to be workers in Hell. And I asked my guide, "What beings are these?" And he answered:

 

"These are the players whom let anger overwhelm them. They are the beings who verbally abuse players, who always seem to have their CAPS button broken on the forums, and are always looking to "pwn you in the wildy." Look at the scene before you: You might expect these players to be strong and muscular? But no! In real life, they are scrawny nerds. In reality, they are bullied, and in Runescape, they have the chance to bully back. Their eternal punishment is to be bullied, a fit punishment that is their own sin."

 

We passed through the crowd of weaklings, whose bodies reminded me of that of skillers, frail and weak. For I saw what these bullies really were- on the inside; they were simply angry nerds.

 

And down even deeper we dived to the second circle of Hell- that of lust. In this place that so closely resembled Lumbridge, I found a pack of low-leveled players running around and shouting something oh so familiar. I noticed something odd- Runescape's regular population had a distribution of 90% male, and 10% female, whereas in this strange recreation of Lumbridge, there were nearly 90% females and 10% males! And then I noticed something disturbing about all the females- they had male voices! I recoiled at the sound of it, and wondered what man would be sick enough to pretend to be a girl! I asked my guide who these beings were, and he answered:

 

"These players are those who seek pixel-love. These males pretend to be females, in hopes of receiving infinite gifts from their boyfriends, and sometimes other males fall for this ruse. Here you see them shouting such phrases as "Need gf pl0x!!@" and "need bf plzzz," the classic lines of a pixel lover. Their punishment is reality: That their girlfriends are infact men. Their lovers have been misleading them, promising them 'pixel cecx' for their gifts. In the end it was all a scam. And then they must face the most horrible truth of all, the truth of all truths that will make them tear their faces apart and boil their own skin: There are no girls on the internet."

 

Several of the nearby pixel lovers screamed in horror as this phrase was uttered, and violently pushed a knife into their hearts and died. Seconds later, they respawned in Lumbridge, forgetful of what happened, so that they may learn the truth again and repeat the suicidal action.

 

Nauseated by the recent events, we proceeded to the third circle of Hell. As we came upon the first valley, my eardrums were overwhelmed by the unbearably loud noise of "FREE STOF PLOX." My guide spoke.

 

"In this circle of Hell, which is divided into three subdivisions, we find those who annoy. You surface-dwellers call them 'noobs.' The first division we come to is that of Froobs: Those who beg for free stuff. The second division is that of Choobs: High levels who act immature. The third division is that of Noobs: Those who annoy but do not fit in either category of froobs or choobs. See how the Froobs speak, mindlessly and almost without purpose. They seek only free items, and when they receive them, they only beg for more. One can tell them that there is a trade limit, but they will only ignore, seemingly unaware of the updates that happen around them. Now see the Choobs- players whose mental age does not correctly match their character's level. They high levels whose sole purpose is to seek attention. How do we punish the sinners in this circle you might ask? We simply ignore them. Eventually, their windpipes become so tired they explode, and they are left speechless for the rest of their lives. See those in the corner over there? Their mouths move but they do not speak. Those who speak now are fresh to Hell; there are always fresh players in Hell."

 

And we proceeded deeper and deeper into the depths of the Underworld, where the lights grew dim and the darkest of sins awaited us. Here we approached the fourth circle of Hell. A strange sight met my eyes: Rows of players in desks were being constantly pounded by hard, metal hammers in the head. My guide spoke:

 

"Here in the fourth circle, those who are stubborn are punished. Stubborn players- intent that their opinion is always the right one, will never back down in an argument. They will continue in argument until their point of view is either utterly stupid or a mod locks their topic. Their punishment is to be forever hit in the head with a hammer- a suitable punishment to soften up their hardheadedness."

 

We sauntered by these players, whose heads were bulged and hardened, reflecting their attitude. They cried out in pain at me, and pointed their fat fingers at me, perhaps jealous that I had the chance to learn of my mistakes before committing them.

 

My guide and I plunged down to the Inner Circles of Hell. Here we came to face a large wall that surrounded a fiery city. My guide explained,

 

"These are the inner parts of Hell, where the foulest sins have been committed. Guard your heart well, brave adventurer, for you will need all the courage you can while we dive deeper to the center."

 

And so we entered the damned city. On the border was the fifth circle. My guide spoke:

 

"Here you will find a most disturbing group of sinners: Wanna-Be Mods. When we angels invented the report system in the Jagex Towers, we never imagined that it could be so violently abused. Oh, what fools we were. But that is another story for another tale. I am here to tell you of those who seek to become moderators through terrible means. They slither in and out of every chatroom, wriggle into any sociable area, creep through the forums, intent on reporting every little offense committed by their fellow players that we angels have so dully compacted into the Official Rules. And for what? To become a player moderator? What fools- they do not know the true life of the P Mod. The life of a Player moderator is a horrible one; they are constantly bombarded by questions such as "how do i bank itemz," "wheres fally," and "how i mine fish." The punishment of WBMs are to become Player Moderators, to see the true horror of the job. See them now, in the pit below. They scream as noobs crowd around them, the very noobs that they once were, drowned by questions and utterly stupid comments. Come now, we have been here too long, I do not wish for you to become a WBM yourself."

 

And with much haste, we crossed the River Lum, which separated the fifth and sixth circles. As we approached the sixth circle, my guide spoke.

 

"Clutch your heart well, my follower. For the next sin you will see is the second-most deadly of all sins. It is disease that levels cities and can be spread like any infection. This disease is stupidity, a plague that engulfs Runescape. For wherever you travel, stupidity follows. As Runescape has evolved, stupidity has spread and grown at an exponential rate. I warn you now, my adventurer, do not be tempted by this disease, for you may very well find yourself acting stupider than usual when you visit this next circle."

 

So we came upon the sixth circle- that of stupidity. In the first crevasse, I saw a pack of mountain trolls, hitting and bashing eachother with their large clubs. My guide spoke:

 

"Here in the sixth circle we come upon four divisions. The first of these crevasses houses the Forum noobs, or as you call them, Trolls. These beings, arrogant, attention-seeking, and physically incapable of praising another player, are punished in a fit manner: They have been transformed into the very animal they most resemble in personality. Yes- they are trolls, as you can see. And is there not a better fitting creature, who is most stupid in the brain as they are on the forums?"

 

Next, we traveled over a rickety bridge, which passed over the trolls. On the other side was a nauseating site. Packs of players were barfing some pinkish meat all over the floor and on themselves. I realized what exactly they were throwing up. My guide caught my curiosity, and spoke:

 

"Here in the second crevasse we come upon the Spammers. These awful creatures patrol the forums, and occasionally the game, throwing up random sequences of the keyboard such as "asgdasoghaopsgd" and the infamous "@@@@@@@@." Why they do this, we do not know. And so we have classified them as stupid. Their punishment is to spew spam- the meat- the rest of their lives, for that was exactly what they did on the surface."

 

Over another rickety bridge we crossed. We traveled several paces until we reached the third crevasse. My guide spoke:

 

"Here now we come to the L33T speakers. These strange beings worship a single number- 1337. In their stupidity, they believe that translating English letters into rough number equivalents makes them smart. Now in Hell they all speak different languages- so that none can understand the other. See him, speaking in French, and he, speaking in Russian? They believe they are speaking English, but to others it is random gibberish, as is the L33T language."

 

And now we descended into the actual crevasse, for the bridge that was meant to protect us had long been destroyed. My guide shielded me as we passed among the crowds of the L33T speakers, who turned to me, and spoke in strange languages to me very fast, almost in desperation. I grew fainthearted, and my guide grabbed me by the hand as we darted out of the crevasse and down to the next.

 

"The final crevasse is house to the cursers. These fools, oh how stupid of them, attempt to bypass our perfect censor. We at Jagex Towers work very hard on this censor- it took seventy archangels to construct such a thing. The cursers found ways past our censor, things that we had barely missed, and we attempted to cover these up until our censor became ridiculously overcrowded. Unfortunately, when we lessened our censor, the cursers again grew in power, not satisfied with the uncensoring of such words as "damn" and "[wagon]," and here thousands of cursers stay. Their punishment? In this crevasse, everything that is uttered, every word, every phrase, every burp or every yawn, is translated into the symbol "*." Cover you ears, my adventurer, for as we clear this valley, there will be an earth shattering sound of bleeping."

 

We scaled down the rocky wall and into the fourth crevasse, and as I was told by my guide, I shielded my ears. Even then- the noise was intolerable. Hundreds of cursers surrounded me, shouting phrases, attempting to bypass the censor, but every time failing and producing the sound "********."

 

Finally, we emerged from the sixth circle. "Hold your breath" said my guide, and he held my hand as we dived headfirst into a black, bottomless pit in the center of the city.

 

Now I came upon a stunning site. We were in the very center of this earth, the seventh and final circle of Hell. In this hollow sphere in the earth, a monstrous, unholy demon sat in the center, picking up white pages of scribble from a mountainous pile with his beastly hands, and devouring them with his three, horrible mouths. I cowered in fear at the disgusting thing, and my guide spoke:

 

"Here, in the seventh circle of Hell lies the devil in true form. You see now the monstrous being in the center is the 51-page monster. He has no mind and is unforgiving; he devours all and returns not one thing. But do not fear him, we are well out of range of his steel claws."

 

I looked over the valley that separated us from Him, and I saw four rims. My guide:

 

"The seventh circle- that of greed, the sin of excess. Greed consumes Runescape, it devours it, it feeds on it. The surface world revolves around amassing external things- coins- for the sake of temporal things. There are four divisions of this most evil wickedness in everyday life: Lurers, Merchants, Scammers, and the most wicked of all: Real World Traders." My guide shuddered as though a wicked spirit had crept up his spine as he uttered those last last three words.

 

And now, we come across the first of the three- the ditch of Lurers. For years these evil players have prevailed, making millions off the trickery of innocent, uninformed players. We archangels were disturbed by this, and dug a ditch to stop these lurers- yet they continued on with their awful work, obsessed and entranced by greed. Their punishment is rather ironic. You see now the small devils hold fishing hooks above the lurers, with party hats attracted to the end: when the Lurers reach for the party hat, to which they are compellingly attracted, they are violently punctured by the hook, and must rip open their own mouth to be free. The Lurers are being lured."

 

I watched in awe as the Lurers repetitively reached for the same hook, even though they had been stung by it many times. We passed over the ditch of Lurers and came to the next, which was filled with nothing but gold coins. But as I looked further, I saw that the coins were moving slightly and resembled human figures. My guide spoke.

 

"Now we come to the valley of the Merchanters. Oh, cover your eyes, adventurer, for I know you being mortal will be lured by these piles of gold. But these are piles of once people, who were entranced by the concept of quick money. The scam innocent players of their money, drive Grand Exchange prices up and down, and organize to form monopolies of markets. How evil the mix of power and money can be. And how they have become what they most desire in life. Come, my follower, we need no bridge, for these creatures cannot hurt us in their current form."

 

We crossed the piles of gold, and I dipped my hands into one of the stashes, but my guide quickly pulled me out of the valley, seeing the sin of greed in my eyes. My guide spoke.

 

"Now to the third division: the valley of Scammers. These sinful players come in all shapes and sizes: armor trimmers, charcoal sellers, password scammers, all of them were very villanous. And before the Great Update of 2007, this valley was packed full of players, so much that we archangels had considered opening up an entirely new circle of Hell for this group. But now they dwindle in numbers- not because they no longer have the desire to scam- because they cannot. Their punishment now is simply to be scammed themselves, so that they will know the horrible feeling that they provide the scammed."

 

And then we exited the third crevasse and proceeded toward the final division. My guide handed me a blindfold, and spoke:

 

"Take this blindfold and seal your eyes. For the very last set of sinners we come to are so evil, they will force any mortal man to empty his pockets of all his american dollars, and unwillingly throw them at them. I do not wish for you to lose your precious dollars, for they are the very thing that keeps us archangels on a $500,000 salary. Brace yourself, my friend, for now we come upon the fourth valley: The Valley of Real World Traders!"

 

And so as instructed I tied the blindfold around my head. My guide led me through the valley and spoke:

 

"You cannot see them, but I will describe these shades who now surround us. These are the Real world traders- the root of all evil. And as they are the root, now they work with roots for all eternity. The punishment of RWTers is to farm and toil the land in this valley. They grow plants and trees, and if they grow their plants justly, perhaps every thousand years, one of their plants might produce a single american dollar. Excitedly, they pick the american dollar, knowing their sweatshop owners will be pleased, but right as they pick the dollar, it dissolves in their very hands! Then they must wait another thousand years to pick the next dollar, which will disappear yet again. They were farmers on the surface, and farmers they shall remain."

 

We passed by them, and I heard sounds of raking, scraping, and planting. In one moment I even heard one soul exclaim something excitedly in Chinese, and I assumed he had picked a dollar. But seconds later, as my guide had told, I heard a single sound: "Nooooooooooo!" The dollar had disintegrated.

 

Finally the blindfold was removed from my head, and we approached the 51-page monster. My guide spoke:

 

"See now, the 51-page monster. He rests here in the center of Hell, continuously devouring the old pages from the forums. Because our forums are one of the most popular in the world, we have provided him tremendously large hands, and three mouths to ingest topics more quickly. Look at the mountains of pages now- millions of topics, ignored or locked."

 

Little devils, servants of their master, pushed the mountains of pages constantly closer in reach of the monster's claws. One pile was sorted 'Page 48,' and another 'Page 49,' and finally 'Page 50' was in the process of being devoured. My guide reached down and picked up several pages for me to read. I glanced over the titles of the topics:

 

Mages are underpowered!!11

BRING BACK WILDy$$$

y u lock my topic???

Stupid ge limits

need a mod plz

ffs top locking my topics

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

rs is too expensiv

BRING BACK WILD NOW

EDIT: No selling items in this forum

stop merch clans

Omg dureal is killing us all

RS worst game ever

A Critical Analysis of the Situation

low level updates... jagex

RIOT WORLD 66 BRINGBACKWILD

 

"As you can see, a great majority of topics on the Runescape forums are simply spam- and all the good topics end up being ignored. Watch yourself now my friend, these pages are about to be eaten."

 

With that my guide slid the pages back into the colossal pile of pages, which was quickly shoved by one of the devils into the claws of the 51-Page monster. I watched as the beast pressed the thousands of pages into his middle mouth, where the pages disappeared into the blackness.

 

My guide then waved his hand, and the monster picked us up in one house-sized finger, and flung us out the other side of the sphere. We flew upwards, or downwards (I am not sure), through the earth until we finally reached the surface.

 

My guide bid me farewell, and told me to warn my race of the place that I had just visited. And then he teleported, perhaps back up to the Towers, and I was left with nothing by a starry sky.[/hide]

Reserved.

 

Just incase somehow I run into the 50,000 character limit on the first post.