As Yet Untitled

[Nennavari]

Is it the fall that breaks a man, or is it the inevitable realisation that at the end of all things there remains naught but the shell of a man, wrapped in the shell lost glories, loves and chances? Nothing is stronger than mans desire to exist, nor is there anything weaker than mans will to live. There is thus a great and ultimate truth in saying that man always dies before he is truly born^[1] - the quest for self-realisation is acknowledged by few and realised by even fewer.

 

I once asked a man in my late teens the same question that plagues everyone as they reach the cusp of adulthood. I asked him what the point was. Looking back I can now see the long cold fingers of time clasped around his throat as he snapped at me to stop whining and go and find someone to [bleep] into the mattress for the night. He was right - it's rather difficult to debate the finer points of existential philosophy when you're no longer existing. That was the lesson I learned from him. The difference between existing and living. From that point on my outlook was far more typical of the young adult - lives reminicent of the heroes of classical litarature, of Byron's Don Juan, or Homer's Oddyseus. As moral and as treacherous as the thunderstorm, and as fearless as the gale.

 

That passed. The fall began. Complacancy took the place of rebellion, and morality calmed the storm to a light gust. A religious man was born, and with a wife and two kids he donned his best suit every Sunday and prayed to generic God that he didn't really belive in. The bisexual, sex-crazed playboy receded to nothing more than a vague memory - often forgotten and rarely aknowledged. Religion is a curious thing. At the time there had been no real disbelief, only doubt, and yet looking back I can't help but see the pursit of organised religion in defining morality for the masses, with no diversity save heresy.The Greeks had it right, I think. Not that I believe in the existence of multiple Gods anymore than I do a singular, but the belief in a singular, all loving and all powerful deity is nothing short of ridduculus. Good and evil are two very human concepts, and the notion that a supreme, omnipotent being would limit itself to such dichotomous concepts is as laughable as it is misguided. Therein, however, lay the trap. The trap that had caught me and countless others, who were taught never to aknowledge the grey. A true God would be beyond such concepts of morality, as a force of nature... why then did we not live the same?

 

I realise now of course. The fall does not break the man, it's the realisation that the climb is impossible, and that the cold has finally started to creep its way up your neck.

 

 

Notes on the Text

(1) The quote as mentioned in the thread description is marked "^[1]" in the text, and was written by Erich Fromm;

(2) As I also stated in the desription, this is a rough first draft, maybe 30 minutes work. My next plan is to clean up what's already there and to expand on certain parts. I want to keep it under 1,000 words, since this isn't meant to be a "story" as such, but there's definitely still room to write yet.

(3) As you may have guessed the prevalent themes are (supposed to be) time, death, lost opportunities and religion's influence in causing certain individuals to lose such opportunities.

(4) In my characterisation and personification of "time" I thought back on Shakespeare's Sonnet 19 as a reference. In my next draft I'll have re-read it (it's been a while) and hope to expand on the characterisation.

 

 

Okay folks, let me know how it stands as a first draft; I plan to start work on the next draft tomorrow or the day after, but if there's some feedback before then I'll take it to heart. Don't feel obliged to write an essay, by the way - CC is preferred, but sometimes an author is satisfied with a "good", "bad" or "you're on the right track".