Guest e174 Posted July 27, 2004 Share Posted July 27, 2004 No, this is not runescape stuff... Head character (The one telling the story) : Name : Max Age : Unknown Description : Grey hair, blood red jacket and trousers (in the story). He was lonely and made handmade weapons for his money. He is normally not loud, but when angry he shouts. May the story begin... ...It was dark... Really dark. I knew that there should be an exit, but I would never have guessed that the cost to get out was so hard... I tell you my story. Aliens invaded my homeplanet and took me and 7 other people to a "test". They took us somewhere and pushed us to somewhat looking like liquid steel. We all got inside some place. In the room we met each other. There was me, Jason, Maria, Mark, Jerry, Paul, Tom and Kathrine. We wandered around and at the 3rd room there came a giant spider. It looked like a machine. Paul got scared and runned. The spider attacked paul and suddenly the spider smashed him into so small pieces that we couldn't see them. Tom figured out it activates when something moves. He tried to protect us and runned. As the spider runs after him Tom shouted that we should run away. We got into next room where we decided to sleep. We all were afraid that we could die. From 8 people 2 has died already. Maria calculated something on wall then Maria said "Oh no, this can't be!" as she writed 5numbers on the wall. Suddenly there came ice from the wall and Maria told us that this thing explodes soon, and only one of us could survive. Kathrine touched the ice and explodes. We runned away in hurry and Maria shouted us that if more then one people is alive when this thing explodes, the exit doesn't open. When I got out only Maria was in, but the door suddenly locked. Maria screamed inside "Don't leave me here!" There was nothing I could do to the door... Jason locked me and told me "I don't want to die here!" Jerry came and kicked Jason and suddenly Jason took his knife and told to leave me here. They goed in next room. In my room came a man, and I asked could he get me out. He started to get bigger and turned to a werewolf... To be continued Rate this part 1/3 and oh yeah the light of darkness is in part 3 if you ask the name... Rates at 4-10 as 10 being the best And there might be grammar mistakes in the text and I hope you get what I'm trying to tell. If you don't get it, ask me :wink: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hurl Posted July 29, 2004 Share Posted July 29, 2004 Pretty good lots of suspense :D You should work just a bit on the grammer instead of saying "He goed in the room" say He "went into the room". It's pretty good I wanna read the rest :) I my self have given up on my story because it was boring but your story has alot of suspense which is what most readers are looking forward to, I know I am :wink: 123 Combat / 1900 Skill Total / 99 HP / 7x 99 Stats Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest e174 Posted July 30, 2004 Share Posted July 30, 2004 Pretty good lots of suspense :D You should work just a bit on the grammer instead of saying "He goed in the room" say He "went into the room". It's pretty good I wanna read the rest :) I my self have given up on my story because it was boring but your story has alot of suspense which is what most readers are looking forward to, I know I am :wink: Thanks, I'll try to make my text better in grammar. I decided to write the part 2 before I go to a camp. Light of darkness, Part 2... In my room came a man, and I asked could he get me out. He started to get bigger and turned to a werewolf. I shocked as I didn't believe that werewolves exist, but it was no time to think about it. The werewolf jumped towards me and I moved a bit to right. As he missed me he hit my chains and made my left chain break. The werewolf jumped towards to wall and jumps from the wall towards me. I standed with my right arm and kicked to the werewolfs neck as hard as I could. The werewolf smashed on ground and tried to move his head but couldn't move it. He turned back to a man and gave me a sword and told that I'm going to need it. After he told me that he vanished. I used my sword for the chains and it got cut. I runned to the room where the others went. When I was in middle of the room, in the wall came 5numbers and I recocnised(how ever spell'd) it. I wrote the numbers to my hand and they were 6 07 52. The next room I went there was Jason... I asked where are the others and he answered "I ate 'em! I was hungry, I killed them one at a time, coldblooded. I ate them all, and you're next!" I took my sword and he says to me "Ha! You think you can beat me with that puny little stick?" I got mad and runned towards him. He kicked me in the head. I tried to stand and he put his knife over my head. I saw my sword 4meters away from me. Suddenly the sword flys and goes straight to Jason. I thought I saw a ghost of the wolfman... Now that everyones gone I had time to think what is that 5digit thingy. After a bit of time I saw green lightnings surround me in a shape of a ball. I remembered that this thing collapses and I think this thing was the beginning of it. If the numbers are for this place then I have to think about what it is. I heard Jasons clock ticking. "Thats it!" 6:07:52 AM. The clock was 6:06:59 at this moment. At the time of 6:07:52 a door opened in the floor. "This is it" I thought. I jumped in it and fell to a dark place and it was like... BURNING?! To be continued... I write the part 3/3 when I come from the camp... I hope you enjoyed hurl and I hope you like the part 3 too Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hurl Posted July 31, 2004 Share Posted July 31, 2004 don't worry i'll like it :wink: the grammers better now it's just about perfect :D 123 Combat / 1900 Skill Total / 99 HP / 7x 99 Stats Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest e174 Posted August 1, 2004 Share Posted August 1, 2004 Aagh! I won't write the 3rd part anymore as this logs me out when I was finally done with it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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