King Vallence

[Ravenwood]

Morning fog spills over the rickety ship deck. Scurrying on deck the seamen try to steer The Iron Lass safely to Karamja. Footsteps of the crew can be heard below deck. There the passengers lay awaiting KaramjaÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s solid ground. The morning's regulars rest wearily at the stern of the ship. Amongst the clutter of their harpoons and lobster cages they try to get some shut eye before the long day ahead of them. Towards the bow of the Iron Lass unwind most of the adventures preparing their equipment for the dayÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s quests. The strange tranquility inside of the murky hull suddenly breaks off. A trap door opens from the deck and a crewman eagerly yells down to the passengers. All at once men and women start to move about. Panic fills the salty sea air and everyone makes hast on to the deck. On deck the passengers stare terrified at the massive blacken ship piercing through the dense haze.

 

 

 

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Evening came swiftly on this summer's day. All had been waiting eagerly for the night's festivities. Held in the sublime courtyard of Falador's Castle the party could not have been hosted better. At no expense were any of the decorations spared. The finest chefs from the Cooking Guild were called in to make the superb dishes and pastry. The bustling courtyard was filled with men and women from all walks of life. People came from as far away and Yanille to attend the celebration. Well into the evening the White Knight's entertained their guest. As twelve o'clock came about a group of men appeared from the castle's bridge. Heading straight for Sir Vyvin's table they took no notice is the eloquent party. Expressing great urgency they followed Sir Vyvin into one of the castle's many private rooms.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Telling Sir Vyvin about the Iron LassÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s encounter with a pirate ship the men brace themselves, pulling up a chair. Awe struck the noble man sat down holding his head. Moments pass as the knight whispers to his self debating the expedient actions. Finally looking up from his lap Sir Vyvin gazes across the room towards a monted atlas. Quietly Sir Vyvin nods his head and softly speaks, ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¹ÃâSo much for the king's visit to Karamja.ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢ Looking at the messengers now he gets louder, ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¹ÃâPrepare a ship men; we leave at day break!ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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A bustling morning starts the day out for Port Sarim. All hands are put to work to prepare the rescue voyage. Crew hurrys away as the houst boxes into the barren ship. On deck men move the boxes in storage. None know how long the journey will last so all storage areas are being packed with provisions. In the captins quaters Sir Vyvin goes over last minute routes and paths. The ship is ready for sail. All is ready. Planks are removed and lines are untied to the dock. The crew of seven leave the saftey of the docks and head into the mist of the awakening sea.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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[Xewleer]

:anxious: oh noes! its just like Honest1!!! we gotta save him!

[issy2]

I think it's a very good piece of writing! The description is very good and it sounds reasonably professional. There's a few things you could do to improve it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Firstly - start a new line for every new speaker, and please please don't use " for speech marks. " is actually a quotation mark - use ' for speech.

 

 

 

In the first paragraph you could try and put some of the sentences together as it sounds a bit robotic if each sentence is a single clause.

 

 

 

Also in the first paragraph the last sentence is confusing to read.

 

 

 

In the second paragraph you might want a bit more detail just before Sir Vyvin speaks and imply what he's thinking and what's going on very implicititly.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Otherwise - very, very good! Next installment eagerly awaited. :