mod plz delete

It has no flow or structure... You jump from one idea to another without any time given to transition, or even paragraphing.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You need to capitalise the first letter of every sentence.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Write out numbers, not numerals. It disrupts the flow when you write "10" instead of "ten". It's fine to write the numerals for dates, but beyond that, there shouldn't be any.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Suspension of disbelief... We managed to develop and produce a machine that could recycle smog into clean air on a large scale in seven years? It had a random effect that nobody found out while it was being developed? Actually, the way it's written...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

but then the scientists noticed something strange happening, the machines would emit a high powered wave that melts any metal they came into contact with

 

 

 

there was a special wire inside that kept the wave from getting far from the machine

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So the first statement suggests that the scientists didn't know this would occur, while the second suggests that they did know it would happen and took preventative measures. You need to make up your mind.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Also, if all the metals were melted and then the "wave" stopped, why couldn't people just reuse the slag? If there was absolutely no metal at all, how would they have created and fueled a "fleet" of starships? That's of course suggesting that they did have metal in order to store fuel and manufacture parts, as well as for launching purposes.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And a planet-sized object 50,000 miles away from the moon? Why didn't everything go absolutely out of whack from the insane gravitational effect that would have?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How were people mining this substance that was harder than metal if they had no metal tools? How was it being transported back?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You really need to think this through a lot more...