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The News in Brief

Posted by Troacctid, in Runescape, Humor 15 May 2013 · 3,237 views

A group of environmental activists has organized a picket to protest druidic activities in Lumbridge Swamp that they claim threatens local wildlife. "What many people don't realize is that wetlands are an important part of the ecosystem," said a spokesman. "This incursion disrupts the hunting grounds of the R.O.U.S. population and jeopardizes the habitat of several rare endangered species of eldritch horrors from the demon realms."

An interfaith luchador tournament turned to chaos when Gludd, the representative of Bandos and the ogres, began smashing the venue's walls and attempted to eat the rubble. Commented Gludd: "Door was delicious, made good lunch. Me like lunch a door."

Master Smith Ivar has announced that he will no longer smith weapons from starmetal. The mysterious glowing rocks have been causing all his workers to gain superpowers. "I know crime rates are down now, but the tights are too much," said Ivar, adding "Flame on!" before transforming himself into a fire elemental and flying away.

Twenty more victims were found dead in Edgeville--the latest in a series of brutal killings. The guards have no new leads as to the whereabouts of the mass murderer, who has racked up a body count of nearly two hundred; most victims were Level 2 ordinary male citizens, although several guards have also been slain. Witnesses say the killer wore a suit of armor and a large sword, and extracted the bones of the men he killed. "We're clearly dealing with an unstable psychopath," said the Head Guard. "If you see someone killing people and burying their remains, please report him immediately so he can be brought to justice!"

Any confirmed news on if the workers get more than one superpower? I know a guy, who knows an elf, who knows a guy, who know a dragon, who knows a pirate, who knows a dwarf ,who knows me, and he said one of his buddies got super strength and laser eyes.
Won't somebody please think of the children?
Bah. The ROUS population is invasive anyway. Damn Ardougne immigrants brought them from the west.

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About the author

Troacctid began adventuring in Runescape in early 2007, and has since traveled all across Gielinor and accumulated healthy amounts of knowledge, wealth, and power. She enjoys undermining evil world-domination schemes, defending the innocent from oppression, wrestling sharks out of the water with her bare hands, and Magic: The Gathering. Her friends call her "Pi".

The name "troacctid" is an acronym for "The Ratio of A Circle's Circumference To Its Diameter" which of course is Pi. Hence the nickname.

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