Her voice resides inside my head, And now it's over, You put this noose around my neck.
Entry posted by Ezkaton
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Urgh, it seems the more blogs I make the more emotions I get out, and maybe they have no place on here, but to me this is an area where I can work out my frustrations and try to think in ways........ It's been a very long and hard 13 days for me, my mind being a bastard to me, and all sorts of things happening, feeling numb about anything and everything, and spending last night getting so drunk I couldn't think...... I've broken down several times and yeah >.< So let me present - Emotional Wreck *points at self*.
"Torn apart at the seams of my dreams turn to tears
I'm not feeling the situation
Run away try to find that safe place you can hide
It's the best place to be when you're feeling like ME!"
I've had the odd reply to texts from Courtney over these past 13 days, but with her usually protest that she's so busy doing "work" that she can't text me or talk to me on the phone. However yeah she might be working, I know she's a hard worker, but the past few days I'll lurk offline msn and I'll find her sitting online, she has time to make numerous facebook status's and yeah? So can anybody tell me where I'm going wrong in thinking that she's just avoiding me?
But then again why would she avoid me if she promised she'd be my friend? And then again the other day her fb status was that of "Courtney: Needs to pull herself together :/" so what should I gather from it? That she's having as tough a time as me? But anyways, I know she's spent alot of her time either locked in her room at uni or extremely drunk from the amount of times she's told me she's been out........ tonight is another example, she doesn't have the usual 2 seconds to let me ring her before film night so we can talk because she's going to be getting drunk with a friend tonight, and then tomorrow is carnage in aber, something I was going to until that monday almost 2 weeks ago.
So can anyone tell me how it's fair? I know she probably needs her time, but what about me too? I know I should leave her to it, but then again what about me wanting to talk to her? I really can't let someone as amazing as that walk out of my life, I want to be atleast something to her, friends would do me fine, but yeah. Does anyone have a good reason why she can't talk to me?
Maybe a good thing out of all this is that part of my life is returning to normal? I've spent the most part of the past 13 days listening to acoustic stuff, but over the past 2 days Killswitch Engage, All That Remains, Bullet for my Valentine (The Poison stuff, none of this mainstream rubbish) and As I Lay Dying, and Caliban have become more and more to the forefront of my musical taste, a sign that my life is getting better? Maybe, but then again could be a bad thing because when I listen to metal all I can see is her, she was the main influence on my taste as we learnt and directed each other.
Goddamn I'm a mess.
Sorry people.
"Heaven, where is my angel?
I need her now, holding me........ NOW"
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