The News in Brief
By Troacctid
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A group of environmental activists has organized a picket to protest druidic activities in Lumbridge Swamp that they claim threatens local wildlife. "What many people don't realize is that wetlands are an important part of the ecosystem," said a spokesman. "This incursion disrupts the hunting grounds of the R.O.U.S. population and jeopardizes the habitat of several rare endangered species of eldritch horrors from the demon realms."
An interfaith luchador tournament turned to chaos when Gludd, the representative of Bandos and the ogres, began smashing the venue's walls and attempted to eat the rubble. Commented Gludd: "Door was delicious, made good lunch. Me like lunch a door."
Master Smith Ivar has announced that he will no longer smith weapons from starmetal. The mysterious glowing rocks have been causing all his workers to gain superpowers. "I know crime rates are down now, but the tights are too much," said Ivar, adding "Flame on!" before transforming himself into a fire elemental and flying away.
Twenty more victims were found dead in Edgeville--the latest in a series of brutal killings. The guards have no new leads as to the whereabouts of the mass murderer, who has racked up a body count of nearly two hundred; most victims were Level 2 ordinary male citizens, although several guards have also been slain. Witnesses say the killer wore a suit of armor and a large sword, and extracted the bones of the men he killed. "We're clearly dealing with an unstable psychopath," said the Head Guard. "If you see someone killing people and burying their remains, please report him immediately so he can be brought to justice!"
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