After much experimenting!
By which I mean I kind of played with the Universal Randomizer and kind of got rid of trade evolutions. So, if I so choose, I can envolve things. I'm genuinely surprised that it worked, to be honest, considering that using metronome killed my save. Clearly, that's a problem for another day; one that I couldn't possibly regret.
And it's definitely not cheating!
Anyway, here it is, fresh from the dry cleaner:
I'm going to need to grind. Luckily, there's a route filled with people young and old alike that I can assault for money and experience!
Eh, I'll do that later. There's an underground tunnel with just as much experience, and something far more valuable
That item is...
The... Coin case?
How does an item that stores casino chips end up being "DEFENCE"? How?! I'm having a genuine crisis here, guys!
The man who ran at me screaming didn't help. Made short work of him, as expected and...
[bleep] it, I'm done here! Time to enslave ELFs until it makes sense!
But of course, I have no balls. Hugeballs. You know what I mean. Please tell me you know what I mean.
The market stocks them. It also stocks nothing.
So I enslaved more ELFs, including on that's literally harmless.
And one that I thought was harmless, and is actually horrifyingly sadistic.
This route also houses this guy, from the preview:
After agreeing with his vile and lewd rant, he became much more lucid. As in, actual English.
His wife was much more polite from the start.
Apparently he's the train merchant. Normally I would protest, but that's just so cool. I mean, trains, right? I like trains.
Anyway, back to grinding.
And now I'm starting to suspect that the old man does not, in fact, sell trains. I feel cheated.
She does have a starter, though, and a grass one at that. I like her already.
She was the last COACH on that route, so I went north to grind more.
And was promptly assaulted in a way that's hilariously inappropriate.
He also wouldn't admit defeat.
And in case you were wondering... The series mascot:
Anyway, here's the gym that destroyed a million childhoods.
Featuring the most helpful guide in the history of everything.
Until he started to break the fourth wall.
The generics were easy. The leader is the painful part.
Aww, thanks! She seems very civil - almost pleasant! Not the kind of person that would attack people with a cow until they started to beg for mercy at all!
I bet I won't even have to fight her! We'll have a tea party and bond over our mutual love of-
THAT'S THE LAST TIME ONE OF THESE COACHES TRICKS ME! NO MORE! I'VE HAD IT WITH THIS GAME AND THIS CHAMPIONSHIP
AND ESPECIALLY THIS FAIRY!
That... That didn't amuse her. So she stopped being polite and attacked me with her pink murderdemon.
I've got this.
And on winning...
...I think I broke her.
Excessively too what?
Wait, I'm not crying.
Who is she even talking to?
So she just gives me the budge, just like that? Excuse me while I go cry.
Oh, that's right. I'm not done here. Remember the TRAIN MERCHANT?
I did it.
I finally did it.
After seven parts.
WANT TO BREED THE GRASS ELF!
I bred the grass elf.
News at 11.
[spoiler=NEXT TIME... ON POKEMON VIETNAMESE CRYSTAL]
I get to... Wait, what? That's not-
Oh. Here it is.
[spoiler=The real one]