SmokeEagle

Pandora's Requiem Chapter 7: DUNGEONS AND DEMONS (Finally!) Strolling further along the canyon I came to a small orchard surrounded by a wooden fence. At the gate, a large orc guard stood staring straight ahead and clutching a very large wooden club. "You no look like orc" "Erm... well, I am an orc" "Well, ok den. Me guess you would know..." The brute glanced over at Gina "Hur" it grinned in triumph, "Pretty lady not orc" "Pretty lady?!" began Gina, drawing her sword, "I'll have you know that 'pretty lady' is a 5th level Black Paladin who is about to open up a can of whup-[wagon] on yo' green behind!" There was silence apart from the soft crackle coming from Gina's sword. I sighed, "Nice work" "Oops," The orc grinned oafishly. "Ok, youse wait there while me go tell da boss dat youse here." "What?!" gawped Gina, "Are you st- Mmpf" "Sure!" I smiled, clamping a hand over the mouth of the protesting paladin, "We'll stay right here. Off you trot" Against all odds, the orc managed a passable trot. "Well, I think that went well "MMPF!" "Oh sorry," I replied, removing my hand from Ginas' face. ----------------- Entering the underground temple that had previously been occupied by MummyLovers LTD we crept along a passageway until it opened out into a large room, which was empty apart from one man wearing a loincloth. Gina drew her sword. "Put it away" I sighed, "He could be dangerous!" I glanced over at the man, he was rocking slightly as if drunk and had a vacant smile. "Put it away" "He's heavily armed!" Again I glanced at the man. He was wielding a daisy. "Put it away" I said through gritted teeth, "I have REALLY bad hay fever!" I grabbed the sword form her and rammed it into her sheath. "Do you want to kill EVERYTHING you see?!" "No..." "Then wh-" "...just MOST things." I stared at her. "Why?! Are you psychopathic?!" "I prefer the term ' infused with religious zeal' " Sighing, I took a step into the room. With a huge roar of "BY THE POWER OF SPROUTS!" the man held the suddenly-quite-imposing-after-all flower above his head and rushed towards me. As he grew nearer Gina leapt out of nowhere and plunged her sword into the unfortunates' flank, ---------------- A minute later we were both standing over his corpse. Gina was smiling. "Told you." "What the hell was that?!" "A Greenpeace berserker," she stated "And...?" "They gorge themselves on a very potent mushroom and attack everything in sight." "With daisies?!" "Not always. I've seen one armed with a lily defeat an entire troop of heavy infantry." "How do these mushrooms work?" "Magical properties." I blinked. "Magic mushrooms eh?" I grinned, nudging her "Yes. Quite." ----------------- Descending another flight of stairs into the bowel of the temple I was surprised to see the architecture take on a more generic ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¹Ãâevil dungeon' feel. The second thing I noticed was that the area had very small doors. "So, this place is celestial, eh?" I grinned "Yup. It's a nice place." "IT HAS LAVA FOR PETE'S SAKE" "Who's Pete?" "Ok. Cheap joke." "Sorry." On the other side of the lava, the ruins opened up again into a large cavern with a pedestal in the middle. The walls... the walls had... Gina picked me up after had finished retching. "Are you ok?" she asked with a genuine look of concern "They're... they're...!" "I know." "My gods! It's terrible!" "Ok. Maybe the place is a LITLE bit evil." "A little?!" I screamed, "THOSE ARE BACKSTREET BOYS POSTERS!" I drew my sword and focused on the figure standing on top of the pedestal who was chanting whilst making some complex finger movements in the air. "Quickly!" hissed Gina, hefting her own blade, "Before he completes the ritual!" With a yell I sprinted across and swung m sword with one hand, imbedding the steel deep into the wizards' clothing. There was a scream. I turned towards Gina who glanced down towards the writhing man. "Nicely done she conceded, kicking him. "Thanks." There was a chuckle from the ground. "Your order is too late, again!" grinned the wizard "Oh? Well Mephisto, you're on the floor half dead and there is a distinct lack of giant-red-thing-ness" "Nooo..." he shook his head and pointed, "Look." We looked and there was a rapid scuffling from below us. Glancing down I saw the wizard complete a hand gesture. The very earth trembled and there was a noise that can only b transcribed as 'HRUUUUGH!' Standing before us was a slightly familiar red creature with a name tag that read "Hello, my name is XANOS. I will be destroying your world this epoch'. "What the heck?!" "That," sighed Gina, "is a demon" Only one thing remained to be said. "Oh feck"

Muwhahahahaha! ;) --------------------------------------- Varze rapidly placed his fingers into his ears. ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¦Ã¢â¬ÅWha-at?!ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬ÃâÃ

Hitchhikers guide is probably one of the funniest books I've read. Although, after Gaal's reccomendation I didn't go to see the movie, which I thinks a shame.

As we walked towards the mainland across the boards, the torches that illuminated the way were simultaneously snuffed out. There was a massive splintering of timber and the wizardÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s tower came away from the boards and drifted gently away. It seemed the Wizards wanted no more part in this conflict. Draynor was strangely quiet as we made our way through it. The windows were boarded down and no light shone from behind them, and the streets were empty, save for a lost-looking n00b who ran away as we approached, screaming. ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¦Ã¢â¬ÅIs it always this welcoming?ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬ÃâÃ

I'd just like to point out that you made a double post Dragon Hear that Gaal? You're stupid! My plan has worked! :D

Chapter some-thing-or-other The messenger hurried across the duckboards leading to the old stone tower. Situated on a man-made island out into the ocean, the wizards tower cast an imposing shadow across the dawn sky, a large scar cutting into the otherwise peaceful scene. Reaching the heavy oak door, the messenger hammered on the door and then leant against the stone, clutching a stitch in his side. Several bumps came from inside the building accompanied by a long stream of asterisks, footsteps and then an elderly voice spoke. ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¦Ã¢â¬ÅRing the bell!ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬ÃâÃ

Looks like its going to be late Wednesday when I get back, btw. Would you lind sending me the chapter via e-mail (as text)?

Dont worry about Noobymage_a, Dragon: hes a paranoid eejit whos said similar stupid things before. Also, Gaal, if that IS your real name, I cant get the siggy thing to work: it doesnt link to the image but I can sort that out when I get back on Wednesday. Also a quick note: I have sunburn. Owww...

They have the internet in France too, Gaal. :lol: Ive also noticed how you have conviniently forgot to mention the idea for a 3ft high tornado came from me, strange that... And from now on Ill be watching your writing VERY carefully :shock: Also; visit my also sub-parrific blog! http://spaces.msn.com/members/welshiehq

NEW!! Yes, now you too can get your very own Smoke & Gaal 2: The Tale of two cities signature sticker! It's true! Hold on just one moment, don't go clicking the reply button so you can either congratulate me on my amasing pixel art skills or just to type "OMFG!!! WHOOTAGE!1!!one!" and let me explain. I've drawn the darned thing and Gaal doesnt seem to want to put in his sig and I'm beggining to feel it was a waste of time, so please whack this in your signature to make me jump for joy. http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v58/F ... ticker.png

Got kinda bored waiting for Gaal to stop being lazy and post the next chapter so I figured that I'd post it myself. :) ----------------------- Pulling the crate through the dense foliage and soft mulch was annoying, but eventually we reached the small rise overlooking the banana plantation. Workers scurried up and down the rows, clambered up the trees, unaware that horrible, magical death was about to be rained down on them from above. Luthas reclined in a hammock, beaming as he did a roaring trade in selling space in his crates for illegal shipment, and in my minds eye I drew a large, red cross over him. I chose the spell that would inflict the greatest damage and then selected the runes. Closing my fist tightly around them, I drew the magical extract into my soul and used them to manipulate and deform the laws of physics around me. A strong wind blew up, catching the dust of the spent runes as they crumbled beneath my fingers. I concentrated it a short way infront of me until a spinning column of air formed, and quickly grew in size and speed. Positioning the energy of the mind runes within its centre to maintain and direct it, I let it lose. The tornado tore down the hillside, leaving a trail of destruction in its wake, passed through the chain-link fence, and headed straight for the heart of the plantation. ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¦Ã¢â¬ÅWhat the ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¹Ãâells that?ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬ÃâÃ

Ok... it's more than two bits due to the additional content I'm adding. Joy(!) PandoraÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s Requiem Chapter 6 ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Ãâ Shoplifting, Paladin style After a few minutes walking I stopped, suddenly realising that I had no healing equipment at all (not even a meat pie). This meant that if I got disembowelled horribly (as is wont to happen) IÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢d have no way of getting myself healthy enough to run away at a decent pace. Gina carried on a few paces. ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¦Ã¢â¬ÅHey, whatÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s up?ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬ÃâÃ

Slight deviation from the forcasted chapter "Dungeons & Demons" as I've decided to split it into two parts so it isn't the HUGE chapter it was turning out to be... PandoraÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s Requiem Chapter 5 ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Ãâ Holy electrical sword bearing paladin Batman! When the huge orc began running towards me, two things happened; firstly, Travis was forced off of the cliff by the with a yell by the sheer number of the Orcs surrounding him, secondly, I dived to my left, rolled and came up behind the beast and cleaved into its flank with a neat backhand stroke. My sword got lodged in its skeletal structure somewhere and it took a great deal of effort to pry it loose, it came out with a satisfying ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¹ÃâshlurpÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢ sound. Hearing the sound, the several remaining Orcs turned around to face me and began yelling, banging their weapons on the floor. I began wondering what was going on. Well, until another, even bigger Orc walloped me on the back of the head with a sickening crack, sending me crashing face down in the leaf mould. Ouch doesnÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢t quite cut it. There was more yelling and I closed my eyes, resigned to my fate, there was a swish of foliage being parted, a human battle cry, the swish of a sword, a zap sound which made my hairs stand on end and the sounds of bodies hitting the floor. I opened my eyes and stared into the face of a rather pretty young lady with white hair, wearing a black tunic with white trim and holding a sword which had an electric current running up and down it. ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¦Ã¢â¬ÅHalloÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬ÃâÃ

They're short at the moment because... well... erm... because :D Seriously though, we don't want to make LoTR esque chapter lengths as most people don't want to spend half an hour at a time reading a chapter on a computer screen or one thats just posted on a web forum. The real reason is that we can't be bothered writing longer ones at the moment ^_^

Although I'm posting this chapter, it's still Gaal who's writing them. At the moment I'm writing a few of the later chapters to try and increase the speed at which we churn out the chapters for this poor excuse for literature. ---------------------- For the first time since IÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢d got here, I was tempted to give up my quest to return home and stay here. Back home people were stressed, obnoxious, money-grabbing. Over here, you couldnÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢t get more laid back if you were horizontal. Pushing back the brim of my home-made straw hat, I took another sip of Karamja rum. There was a thud from the beach. Glancing up, I watched the n00b jump to her feet. A coconut had just landed in the sand next to her. She backed away, glaring at it. Watching the suspicion and fear grow on her face was almost endearing. Almost. Gradually however, as the coconut refused to act viciously, she grew more confident and edged closer until she was finally able to jab it with her foot. The coconut rolled gently down the beach. Sand was kicked up by the extreme speed at which the n00b fled in terror. I lay back down ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Ãâ it would be hours before she mustered up the courage and the weaponry to return. Lulled by the sound of the waves and the heat, I dozed off and was woken sometime around midday by a bloodcurdling war cry and a number of dull thuds. She'd returned with a vengeance, attacking it with the bronze sword that I'd bought her a week ago. Throwing off my hat, I stormed down the beach, grabbed the coconut, and lobbed it down the beach. The noob chased after it, sword brandished high, and resumed her offensive. It was nearing midday and time for the 12:30 from Port Sarim to Crandor via the jagged rocks. For the last few months I'd been spending my mornings here, waiting for the eternally ill-fated ship to come along laden with eager adventurers and their equipment, crash open on the rocks, and spill its cargo like a piÃÆÃâÃâñata. Whilst bounties were never particularly great ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Ãâ a few dragonfire shields daily ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Ãâ I occasionally got lucky and it was my main source of supplies. Reliable as clockwork, the ship came ploughing over the horizon, past the island, and into the rocks. I took great satisfaction in the thought of the people onboard getting pulled under by the weight of their fancy equipment and wallets. The n00b returned; bits of coconut shell in her hair and drenched in milk, and sat, sticky and proud, while we waited for the flotsam to arrive. She started fidgeting. I glanced over at her to see what she was so eager about: the defeat of the coconut had got her to level 4 attack. ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¦Ã¢â¬ÅCongratulations.ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬ÃâÃ

Yay! A positive reply from somebody who is looking forward to the sequel! :D Thanks for the post, but we should be ok without another guy on the writing team (for now, at least) and you know the old proverb; 'Spelling mistakes are good' Ok, maybe it's not a REAL ancient proverb, but it'll have to do. Nice sig by the way :D

Well, if you think this has got worse you can be pretty sure that the next G&S saga will reach a whole new level of depravity. :) Would you mind elabourating on how it has got worse, we'd like the chance to make it better. One last thing, being the Uber newbie that I am in the world of web-lingo, what's a 'Tig'?

Gaal, that was harsh. He did apologise after all.

Sorry you feel that way Archmage, I figured from all the rest of the critique that people found it very interesting. Also, when reading your review: I got bored during sentence 1 I went to sleep during your second point, I became zombified at sentence 3 and my brain commited suicide to save my sanity at point 4. I won't go into what happened at point 5. Spam is the right word, please refrain from posting any completley irrelavent and downright rude posts and unless you have the skill to speed read the whole 5 pages in the five minutes it took you to reply could I please ask you to read the thing before you go mouthing off ok? I think that me and Gaal have a right to choose what we put in our stories seeing as we wrote them. Also, Jagex haven't even revealed who Zaros is so writing a story containing a character that has no background is just asking for trouble. And, don't post stuff unless you want to make a usefull critique ok? I can use my amazing mind powers to track you down and turn you into a donkey. Don't mess. :)

Eep. Double post! Don't kill me!

Well, here it is folks, the last chapter in the Gaalsien & Smokeeagle Saga. I'd like to say that its been fun writing it and I hope I can coax Gaal into helping me write the next one and we hope that you've enjoyed reading it. The final chapter ties up most of the plot quite nicley and is full of all the jokes that we threatened to use in the other chapters but deemed them too terrible to use. Theres only one thing left to say, and thats 'enjoy' ----------------------------------------------------------- When Smokeeagle and I arrived at the hills North of Falador, we found everybody in Runescape had turned up. The hills were crammed with row upon row of grey-faced, pale-faced, green-faced fighters, each kitted out in the finest armour that their levels would allow, some still warm and glowing from the furnace. At the summit of the hill was a thin line of light blue stood, laughing and joking around in a rather cocky manner. They were the smallest of the groups. As you went down the hill, the overall colour scheme went to green, then dark blue, to silver, and finally the biggest and most nervous group of them all, the greys. I guessed the first wave to be sent out would be on Operation Suicide or Operation Fill-the-demons-up-so-that-they're-not-hungry-when-they-get-to-the-important-people. About a mile back from the hill, there stood the command tent, where a bunch of people with impressive beards were sat around, drinking tea and pushing little blocks across a map of Runescape. I singled out Rose, who was busy trying to explain Barbarian tactics to the aged Generals; holding a rune coloured block in her hand, she was relentlessly pounding one of the red blocks into dust. ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¦Ã¢â¬ÅHeyÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬ÃâÃ

A few more minutes later, me and Smoke had reached the one remaining shrine; the water shrine near Lumbridge. Equipped with the latest in goodness weaponry and outnumbering the pkÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢er two to one, I was feeling pretty confident. Smoke stumbled slightly, ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¦Ã¢â¬ÅHey, are you ok?ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬ÃâÃ

Chapter 4: [girls] in the Wood Exiting the Mouldy Loaf, Travis and I strolled along the road a bit and turned left, onto the path that led up the hill and into the dark (and rather scary) maw of the Arkdale Forest. Pushing past a layer of leaves I was astounded by the state of the forest; half of it had been cut down and great chasms were cut into the floor, rather like huge man-made scars that hadnÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢t healed over time. I just hoped the forest wasnÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢t too annoyed at man-kind. Hearing a snarl to the left, I turned directly into the face of a Darkforest Dryad, these arenÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢t your normal type of dryad, mind; they attack (and eat) anything with two legsÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâæ well, three; they donÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢t eat women. I saw all I needed and was reaching for my sword when there was a loud bang and the DryadÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s face disappeared in a cloud of red mist two inches from my own. ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¦Ã¢â¬ÅEepÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬ÃâÃ

WARNING INTENSE BORDOM AHEAD Note: Because the forum won't let me post the usual sound for mining (C hink) because it turns out like: [weakness], I'm afraid that mining now goes 'Tink' instead :) Tink. Tink. Tink. Tink. Tink. Tink. Tink. Tink. Tink. Tink. Tink. Tink. Tink. I turned to Smoke who was smashing his mithril pick into the ore in a vain attempt to somehow get some useful material. ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¦Ã¢â¬ÅHowÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s it going?ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬ÃâÃ

Gaal forgot to add a joke to the above chapter; ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¦Ã¢â¬ÅWe stab him with a priest?ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬ÃâÃ