[hide] Remove the "dull little lives" comment. It is an abomination for you to make such declarative condemning statements about someone who you do not know. What makes a person interesting? We are all grains of sand in the grand scheme of things. Sure love is great, and hate too. But our love and our hate? Our relationships and our breakthroughs? It really doesn't matter. It doesn't make a difference. We will all be gravestones in 80 years from now and never visited. Even if we are visited on a blue moon it won't matter because we WON'T be there. God may exist and there might be a next stage. But there might not be. That scares the hell out of me. If I were a teen of this generation I would probably be labeled an "emo". This particularly disturbs me. Am I an "emo" just because I take being a human being serious? I mean it is hard sometimes to move on. I've had plenty of existential rampage breakdowns. I vividly remember one in a bathtub back in '62. All I remember saying was "everything is worthless" and "I just want to be brilliant!". It is so hard knowing that so many people fall through the cracks in life, and never really touch anything. (Fahrenheit 451 monologue) I pressed forward. I didn't cut it in school it just was never my environment. All I wanted to do was be brilliant so I moved forward in life as an "actor". I spent the first 30 years of my life under the national poverty line. And no, I didn't have bohemianism as a security blanket. I mean, despite the lack of money, I was still cozy but it wasn't because of a taste or hunger for decadence. I was cozy because through it all, I had my mind. Yet, things were still not the best. I couldn't get over the realization I had. The realization that I didn't matter. My love didn't matter. My relationships didn't matter. Oh and DO NOT toss me any of that bogus "live every day to its fullest" nonsense! How trite! Possibly the most revolting of phony philosophies I've ever heard. Yes I'm aware that my ramblings of being repulsed by our existence isn't exactly Socrates either, but, it is how I honest to God felt. I still do to a degree, but I've done my best to desensitize myself like the rest of you. The thing is, I got lucky. I was an actor and kept pressing forward with my acting. I wasn't adding to society. I was in acting for the most selfish of reasons. I wanted to be brilliant. I wanted people to think I am brilliant. And acting gives a high that nothing else can compare with. I've always felt like trees and mountains are the petty elements of our environment. The profound elements of our environment can not be seen. Don't ever let ANYONE tell you that they are intangible. Because my God, you can feel them. I know there is a constant stream of energy waves around me, and if i can "surf" the energy waves then I can get into an entirely disconnected state of mind in which I can effortlessly grasp any guise or emotion. Acting is not pretending. That is bogus. True and brilliant acting is like, standing at the base of a waterfall. Whenever you walk through the waterfall, yes, you get wet. Anyone gets wet. That isn't acting. Brilliant acting is whenever you walk through the waterfall and it isn't that you merely get wet, but you become ALIVE. This is the power and ecstasy that true acting brings. It is better than anything I have ever experienced. The thing is that if I never would have made it... I really don't think I would have lived to be age 35. However that isn't what makes me sick about the thought of never having the fortune of making it. What makes me sick about the thought of never making it, is exactly that, the thought of never making it. Live anonymous to age 35 or live anonymous to age 80... with inconsequential emotions and feelings to go along with it... that is how deranged I was, and still drift towards from time to time. The point of all of this is that a lot more to life is in the mind than most people give credit, or are willing to accept. Because yes my existentialist hysteria might sound crazy or sound like hell. The thing is that despite how crippling and epically saddening my hysteria was at times, I would never switch it for anything. My mind is the most intriguing and inciting of places and the loops and dents are pure exhilaration, and I would not hesitate to blow my brains out if I looked at this world through any other set of eyes. The pinnacle of narcissism? Possibly, but, probably more a case of the apex of bias. I refuse to call myself a narcissist until I can give a clear cut reason as to why I think I am better than everyone else. I can't. We are all grains of sand. I just happen to be talented at acting and lucky enough to have made it. There are probably dozens of thousands of surgeons and doctors who are better at what they do then what I do, and in doing so make me look criminally stagnant, so, screw it. Inb4NICEBLOCKOFTEXT HEE HAW HEEE HAWWWWWW Oops. I forgot to tie all my my discursive rambling into the point I am making. Throughout all hardships and rough patches, I still had an undeniable amount of coziness. I was never bored either. I have NEVER been bored in my life. In fact, I think it is a character flaw to become bored. If you have an able body and a body full of nerves there is no excuse to be bored! (well unless if in captivity for years, but even then I think there would be much more potent adjectives than "bored") You are in no position to criticize someone for spending times playing runescape. They have their mind right by their side the entire time and you don't know just how much more interesting of a person they might be than you. I think the interest level of a person is the most important thing. The second is their character. (disclaimer: Hitler, Stalin, Mao, and others are all filthy even if they were the true dos equis spokesmen.) I'll concede that some of my movies have had some level of positive impact on some people. However if I never made it then I wouldn't have added any more to society or touched this world any more than someone on runescape does. Now does that matter? Yes! Wait until you know the person first. If you meet them and find them to be a bore or a scumbag, then you are absolutely entitled to trash them, but YOU DO NOT KNOW THEM!!!!!!!!!!!! "DULL LITTLE LIVES" !!!!!! I still can't believe you said that. You don't know him and who are you to label his life as "little" considering you are a fellow homosapien!!!!!!!!!! Who are YOU!? God??? God, please please be up there. I want to see my family again after I die. The thought of being deprived that makes me so sad. [/hide] ....Is your middle name Lee?
