Jumpeplowski

Lock this, please. Thanks.

A guy teleported to Varrock with full rune and a dragon longsword among other things and died in front of me.

You? That wasn't funny or worth my time reading it.

Continued.

Started a sequel. Have a look if you liked this one.

This is the sequel to A Game Too Much, which a lot of people liked a lot. I might include a summary of the story in this if you don't want to read the first. So I wrote quite a bit before posting this here. Yeah, yeah. Untitled By Jumpeplowski The guard looked at the hole in the wall of the Castle Wars lobby. There were bricks all over the floor. Through the hole he saw the many clouds in the gray sky moving relatively quickly away from him toward the west. The guards stationed next to it nodded as he climbed the small pile of broken bricks and left the hole. The arena was a ruin. It was depressing. Close to him to his left was the Saradomin castle. A huge part of the wall had broken off, leaving a pile of bricks below. He could see the insides of some of the castle rooms from where he was. There were people laying motionless on the ground all around. He then noticed a guard leaving the arena. "Why is no one helping these people?" he asked the guard as he was about to leave. It made no sense. He paused. "They're dead." "How do you know? They can't all be dead." "The spell activated at the end of the game transports all living beings from the arena to the lobby. If they didn't leave, they didn't survive. Haven't you been told?" He shook his head. "I just got here." "Well, you best start helping out outside soon." He nodded. He looked around the arena once again. Depressing. There must have been hundreds of bodies, perhaps nearing the thousands. He looked at the ground. It was scarred with deep cracks, some of them filled with water from the river running through the arena. Spread out on the walls were several guards looking down at him and around the arena. Civilians weren't allowed inside. There would be plenty of filthy scum stealing all the valuable equipment that lay on the ground of the arena. But then again, what are we going to do with all of this? There must have been tens of millions worth of armour there. He looked once more around the arena and began to feel sick. Enough seen. ----- Tafani finished putting a bandage on yet another one of her patients. It was endless. So many people had been injured that the Duel Arena was shut down to prevent even more injuries from being created. Ever since two days earlier, she and the rest of the Duel Arena hospital staff had been occupied with some of the more severe wounds of the tragedy from a couple days earlier. The hospital was nearly completely full. Every single bed was occupied, and some people had to be on mattresses on the floor. Tafani walked toward the room that had once contained an altar. It was behind curtains. She pushed them aside and closed them behind her. Lanthus was in the single bed that occupied the small room with his eyes closed. There were about six men dressed in Moonclan armour standing over him, holding their arms extended in his direction. "Any progress?" she asked. "Well, he's not doing any worse," replied one of them. "Though I'm not sure on the details. We'll have to wait for 'the butcher' to come back." "Hey, keep it down," she hissed. "Right, sorry." She left the room again, making sure no one had heard the healer, her fancy cape dragging behind her. ----- The tip of the steel dart hit the edge of the wooden target with a dry thud. Already in the target were two other darts, both around the same area. Ervon lay slumped across the couch with the tip of a dart in his right hand and four other by his side. Beside him was a table with a pile of papers on it; newspapers, in fact, copied using magic. The Misthalinian was in the hands of Damai. On the front page was a sketch of a ruined Castle Wars arena and the headline reading: THE CASTLE WARS DISASTER: THE REAL STORY. Thud. The dart had missed the target completely, remaining stuck in the wall. Ervon received a glare from Sariel at the other end of the room looking over a newspaper of her own. Sariel looked back at her paper after a few seconds. On the paper was an interview with the guard captain, Darius, that I had met after the game. I was seated between Sariel and Damai, reading over his shoulder. Thud. It was two days after my last game of Castle Wars, one that had gone terribly wrong. Since then, I had been made a hero. I had been invited to talk to the kings of the cities of Ardougne, Varrock, Falador and now, the Duke of Lumbridge himself. The king of Varrock held a celebration in my honour the night before, in fact. I had been asked to participate in several interviews and did in the first two, but turned down the others. Despite all this, I was rarely recognized on the streets and I was grateful for it. Fame wasn't easy, but that's something to expect. Thud. As for Lanthus, the Castle Wars owner who we found unconscious in the Castle Wars lobby after the game, he was taken all the way to the Duel Arena hospital -the best in the land- and still hasn't woken. And after we left the arena, there were tents and temporary hospitals set up in the field outside the Castle Wars lobby to take care of the injured from the game. I looked back at the paper in Damai's hands. ... has not been confirmed dead. "The arena has been search thoroughly, his corpse is nowhere to be found," said a soldier of Falador present at the investigation. "Our commander spoke with a man close to Jumpeploski, who told... I rolled my eyes at yet another misspelling of my name. Thud. I looked at the dartboard on the other side of the room. Ervon had landed one very close to the bullseye this time. "Okay, okay, watch this one, guys. It's going to hit the bullseye-- just watch," said Ervon still slouched on the couch, a dart in his hand. Damai and Sariel looked up from their papers at him. "Right," said Sairel. He threw the dart. Thud. It landed on the outside circle. "Nevermind." I was about to start reading again when I realised that I had to meet with the Duke of Lumbridge that day. "Darn, I need to go." "Already?" Ervon asked me. I nodded and got up. "Try not to break anything while I'm gone," I said before leaving the room. I had built it myself, after all. I walked up the teak staircase in the next room and saw the orange glow of the Lumbridge portal at the end of the hallway. Withing a few seconds, I was in front of it. The entire room was lit in different colours from the other two portals in there. It was quite pretty, actually. I stepped through the Lumbridge portal. I reappeared to be welcomed by the outside air. I was in front of Lumbridge castle. I began walking up the step when I heard a voice from beside me. "Hey, Jumpe." I ground my teeth. I hated when people called me that. I looked to my right to see Hans facing me. "Yes, Hans?" I replied, trying my best to give it an annoyed tone of voice. "Is it true? You killed him?" I sighed. "Apparently." Hans looked surprised. "Wow, I never would have thought you would be able to do that. I mean, you almost got killed by a cow and you're an awful fighter." I rolled my eyes. "That was a long time ago, Hans." "Sure it was." I entered the castle and slammed the doors behind me, making the hallway echo. That Hans... I went left and then noticed that the kitchen door was closed. I then proceeded up the spiral staircase. As I climbed, I saw someone on the second floor look at me and then step into a room on their left. By the time I was on the second floor, he was out again and greeted me. "Greetings, sir. Jumpeplowski, I presume?" he said. "Yes." "It is an honour. Please follow me." He headed toward the same room that he had just left from. He stopped just beside the doorway in the room and extended his arm toward the other side, where Duke Horacio was sitting at a desk with a glass sphere on it, his hand on top of it took keep it from rolling off. He stood up when he was me, keeping his hand on the orb. "It is an honour," he said. "No, the honour is mine." I didn't really mean it. It probably was a greater honour for him, but I didn't know what else to say. If I just replied 'yeah', I'd look stupid. "Please, have a seat," he said, gesturing toward a chair in front of him. I sat down. I heard the man who had escorted me leave the room and then shut the door. "I'd offer you something to eat, but I've had a hard time finding a good cook who would stay with me ever since Larissa ran off with my last one. I should have known better than to put them in the kitchen together." "Now, I know, you've probably told your tale several times. You're probably tired of telling it by now, I won't ask you to. Rather, I have something different to discuss. Now, you see this?" he said, looking at the orb. It was about the size of a head. "Yes, what is it?" "You've had one of these during one of your missions as a Temple Knight for Falador, have you not? It is, as they call it, a CommOrb." "Yes, I remember that." I had once used one to capture a dangerous criminal for the Temple Knights of Falador by the name of Solus Dellagar. A tricky one he was to capture, I might add. "Good, good. You used it to communicate with Sage, I believe. Anyway, this is another kind of CommOrb. This one was specially made for me by the Temple Knights to communicate with whoever else has another matching orb of this kind. Needless to say, it would be useless if only one existed." "And who has the other?" "Jaraah at the Duel Arena hospital. Lanthus is being taken care of there." Jaraah. 'The Butcher'. Scary fellow, but an experience surgeon. "I see. How is Lanthus?" He smiled a bit. "Maybe you'd better ask him yourself." He pushed the orb toward my side of the desk and I held it. I stared blankly at the orb. All I saw was a bit of my hands on the other side of the orb. How does this thing work again? It had been a while since I had used it. I tried closing my eyes. Hello? I felt stupid. I opened my eyes again and was about to ask how to use it when I noticed something appearing in the orb. It was Jaraah's face. "Uh, hi," I said. "Oh, hello there Jump!" in his usual deep voice. "Hi Jaraah. So, uh, how are things at the Duel Arena?" All this time I noticed Duke Horacio grinning at me. "Crowded, very crowded. We've been quite busy here, actually." There was a pause. "So what can I do for you?" I paused for a moment to remember why exactly I saw talking to Jaraah. "What's been happening with Lanthus?" "He's been in quite a strange condition, really. He hasn't woken up, but we do have healers gifted with the Lunar Magicks that are helping keeping his condition stable. But one of them said he was able to communicate with him with a spell! It's been done when he was conscious to find out about the games and such, but he's been unconscious and yet he was able still to communicate with him." Amazing. I had heard of that spell and even used it myself once. But I never thought about communicating with people that weren't awake. I asked the most obvious question. "And what did he say?" "The healer says he was only able to communicate with him very briefly and that it was much harder than when he was conscious. He told me that he didn't see Lanthus' face or anything, but Lanthus only gave him numbers when they spoke that we later discovered to be coordinates. And I believe the Duke can tell you more about those." I was speechless for a couple seconds. "Thank you." I told the orb. "No problem. And congratulations." As the image in the orb faded, I saw that Jaraah's apron was bloodier than usual. 'The Butcher'. As I handed the orb back, I noticed that there was now a scroll on the table that contained a map. I noticed that there was nothing but water everywhere except in the top right corner. I looked at the piece of land, and recognized it to be the map of the world that I knew. "The coordinates? 455,23 west, 867,04 south." He pointed somewhere in the bottom left of the map. Considering that all of the world that I knew was 40 degrees from east to west, this was over 12 times as long. "Have you tried going there?" I asked. "No, we haven't but we are planning on it. As a matter of fact, that's the reason I called you here. I wanted to ask if you wanted to come on a journey to those coordinates." "Really?! When?" I asked. "The ship will be ready tomorrow. I apologise for the short notice." "How long is the journey?" "About two or three days depending on wind speeds and such. If you're lucky, you'll make it in one. Does that mean you accept?" I was about to when I realized there was already a lot going on where I was right now. And I didn't want to just leave Damai and the others. I opened my mouth to speak, but the king beat me to it. "I know what you're thinking. I'll allow you to bring four other people along with you, so long as they know basic combat." This guy was almost reading my mind. Basic combat, my eye. Ervon, Sariel and Damai could probably take on a trained guard each. But the fourth person... "I'll also be bringing along a few of my own elite soldiers, and you'll all be under the command of one of my top officers. In total, we'll only have about 30 people with the crew members. That is, if you decide to come." I thought about it for a couple of seconds. I did want to get away from everything going on right now and come back when everything was settled. More good would come out of it than bad. "I accept." "Excellent. There's a bit I'd like you to know. First, you must not mention this to anyone except the people that you invite." "Suppose they decline my invitation?" I wasn't expecting any of them to, but I still wanted to know. He thought about it for a moment. "Well, I guess there isn't really anything I can do about that. Just tell them to keep it to themselves, I don't want anyone to know about this." I nodded. I wondered why, but thought it would be rude to ask. "About the ship you'll be using, the Matla Cana. She was crafted using the finest of yew logs and only finished recently. She was specially made for exploring in the far seas, as any regular ship would be crushed by the waves in a matter of hours. Some of the other kindgoms had their own ships sent out to explore, though none of them returned. They simply gave up after that. The fools, sending out ships to the high seas that could barely make it to Karamja and back. We certainly were lucky that it was completed at a time like this." I started to wonder just how rough these 'high seas' were. I had only heard stories of them as a child. "At least we know where we're going," I said. "Indeed. That's all I can tell you right now, since I haven't got an idea of what you'll see there, but I do bid you farewell and good luck," he said, standing up. "The rest, you'll find out tomorrow. You may bring what you wish, but be sure to have clothes, a weapon and armour." I stood up as well. The same armour that was damaged at the Castle Wars game had been recently repaired. "Thank you," I said, beginning to back up towards the door. "It has been a pleasure," he said. "And be sure to find those four other people." I pushed open the door and closed it behind me to appear once again in the hallway. I noticed that the person that had let me in was gone; the hallway was completely empty. I stood outside the door. Sariel, Damai, Ervon. Three people. Who the hell is going to be my fourth? All the other friends I had made over the years, I had not seen in months. Suddenly I heard someone coming up the stairs to my left. From the sounds of it, they were wearing heavy armour. My instinct was to head down those same stairs, not to look like an idiot just standing in the hallway not doing anything. The man came into view. Indeed, he was wearing full armour, including the helmet and shield. His armour was grey and white and in the middle of his platebody was the Lumbridge symbol. He stepped onto the second floor and headed in my direction. We walked past each other and I tried to catch a peek at his face through the visor of his helm. Through the grid of his visor, I recognized the face grinning almost mockingly at me. It belonged to the very same Ancient Mage that I had fought agaisnt who was a member of the Zamorakian team during my last game of Castle Wars. I stopped in my tracks and watched as he opened the door to the king's room and shut it behind him, leaving me, once again, alone in the hallway. The Inn was packed. The door swung inwards behind us, then swung back again a few times before finally coming to a steady stop. "Right, good luck finding a table in this mess," said Ervon. Literally all the tables were full and about a quarter of the people in the bar were standing up. The building was filled with the voices of people's conversations blending togethter to form a loud mess, with the occasional burst of laughter coming from one end of the room. What the hell's the reason for this parade? The Blue Moon Inn isn't usually this bad. "Hold it," Sariel said, grabbing Ervon who was just turning back to leave. "There's a free table." Sariel pointed to a bunch of people who were gathering their things and getting up from one of the tables next to us. Awesome. I looked around for anyone else who wanted that table but found no one. We were in luck. The three men staggered up from their seets and made their way past us to the door and we made ourselves comfortable at a table beside the window. Damai sat beside me, Sariel in front of me and Ervon to the right on the other side of the table, my back to the door, which swung shut again as the table's previous occupants left. I looked at Damai, who was writing something on a piece of papyrus. "Making it nice and legible, huh?" said Ervon. "Yeah, yeah," he mumbled back. I scanned the room for the bulletin board that contained all sorts of announcements on it; buying, selling, hiring, searching, you name it. I spotted it in the corner of the room opposite the staircase. I looked back at Damai, and he had already finished writing the message and was tucking the quill back in his pocket. I picked the papyrus up and held it in front of me. SEEKING ADVENTURER WILLING TO PARTICIPATE IN A TWO TO THREE DAY JOURNEY BY SHIP TO UNKNOWN LAND. SHIP LEAVING TOMORROW AT NOON, MUST BRING OWN ARMOUR AND WEAPON. WILL BE ACCOMPANIED BY JUMPEPLOWSKI, SLAYER OF THE HOODED MAGE. SEE TABLE 4 BEFORE MIDNIGHT. "'Slayer of the Hooded Mage'?" I repeated, raising an eyebrow in Damai's direction. "That's their motivation," he told me. I shrugged and stood up, taking the note with me and heading towards the bulletin board with a nail in my other hand. Someone beside me let out a loud laugh and took a huge swig of beer. I reached the bulletin board and placed the note against it and pinned it to the board, and stood back and looked at the other announcements. Someone was selling some throwing knives, another person looking to hire an assistant for some kind of craft shop, and even one notice that wasn't legible at all. I walked back towards our table and saw one of the barmaids leave our table. "I got you a beer," Sariel told me as I sat back down on the bench. "It's all the same beer here isn't it?" I asked. "One flavour fits all." There was a short silence at our table. I looked across the room to see if anyone was reading our notice. "So I guess we just wait now," said Damai. "Right. So did the Duke ask you to bring anything other than armour and a weapon?" Sariel asked. "Uh, clothes. And your fighting ability." The barmaid was back already and placed four beers on the table, one in front of each of us. I thanked her and she was off as quickly as she came. "So, about who you saw after you left the room..." Sariel began. "YES, I know it was him! It's hard to forget the face that nearly killed you." "Okay, assuming it was him, what would someone working for Lumbridge be doing in a Castle Wars game?" "Who knows? Time off?" "And the armour he was wearing doesn't necessarily mean he works for Lumbridge either," she said. "Then what? He's showing which kingdom he nominated for the Best Kingdom Ever award?" "No, but he could be an ex-guard for Lumbridge who just kept his old armour." "What's the difference, anyway?" Ervon asked. "The difference is that it could very well be him among Horacio's men on your ship. Suppose he is, though, he won't just attack you or anything like he did in the game of Castle Wars," said Sariel. "True, but I don't think we'll be best pals either." "Why not? You were only enemies because you were on opposite teams. I'm sure he's a nice guy outside the game." "A nice guy? Sariel, I seem to recall you calling him a jerk last game! He wasn't just fighting for his life or for his team, he just wanted to kill me because he didn't like me!" Sariel was about to reply when I suddenly felt someone sit beside me. Yah. To be continued.

No; the link was deemed 'inappropriate' somehow. Either a quick mod or an automatic system.

What the hell? Is there something wrong with Google Video? Is the world's largest and most trusted search engine going to give you keyloggers and take over your RuneScape account? Removed the "inappropriate" link and left the YouTube one.

This is actually an older video of mine that you may have seen on my blog but remade and spiced up. EDIT: The only one that works is the YouTube one, here it is.

The following links are interviews with celebrities about their RuneScape accounts made up of lines from their movies/TV shows. I found these hilarious... Oh, and they need to be listened to in Internet Explorer since they don't start in other browsers for some reason. :| Arnold Schwarzenegger Ozzy Osbourne You might want to check out other aspects of the site... There's other funny stuff there. EDIT: Yes, these are fake. I thought it would be obvious...

Okay... :S I don't see how it was inappropriate but anyway, I switched it back.

Link is now on Google Video instead of YouTube so you can rate it.

Heh, I'd love to but I can't find that many. Plus this was a pretty big glitch so I wanted to show all of the things you could do with it. I'm aiming to make another similar to the first video, if I do, with a nice mix of glitches.

Some of you may have watched the original, Ultimate POH Bugs. It's linked on the following page, in case you missed it. This video demonstrates several glitches with chairs in Player Owned Houses, have a look. Ultimate POH Bugs II: The Chair of Control

30 Defence. He can wear adamant now.