Wow. My first poem on tif... :D As a matter of fact, this happens to me one of the first poems I have written in 5 years :shock: ...So tell me what you think (My teacher looked it over and liked it, I wanna see if you guys will 8-) ).

 

 

 

I introduce, Soldiers Fear.

 

 

 

My body quaked with agony and despair, my heart pounded heavy,

 

the shell shock I had recieved shook my soul with unimaginable fear;

 

I did not want to see the battle, no I was not ready,

 

But suddenly I was instantly throttled in mid-air, 'twas a deadly explosion from my rear.

 

 

 

I was plowed into the ground, coughing and shaking with hatred and anger,

 

and suddenly I was picked up by someone, a tall and brawny man,

 

"Come son, we must escape!" I came to realize this area was in peril, in great danger.

 

And so my father and I escaped, with our gun's in hand, we swiftly ran.

 

 

 

Ahead of us was Normandy's town square,

 

there fought American's and German's, entangled in the midst of combat,

 

in the corner of my eye, I gripped my gun, I spotted the German's wares,

 

bazooka's, gun's, explosives of every kind, thus I gasped: "Those sneaky German rats!"

 

 

 

And explosions burst before us, buildings were blown asunder,

 

American troops fell to their deaths, German troops barely collapsing,

 

rubble crashed down upon our allies, like deathly roaring thunder,

 

despite the horror of these casualties, I knew this battle's time was slowly lapsing.

 

 

 

And so my father and I swiftly stole away,

 

dodging bullet after bullet, a shelter or rampart we sought;

 

my heart only pounded, again and again, bullets mersellisly flew my way,

 

suddenly, my father writhed in pain, for he had been painfully shot!

 

 

 

I undecisevely pulled my father into a ditch out of harms way,

 

blood trickling down his wounded stomach where he was painfully shot;

 

no allies around to help us, nothing but a frightening lightening ray,

 

as it lit up the sky, 'twas like a cry from the heavens and it beakoned me, so I took up arms and fought.

 

 

 

Bullet after bullet, German after German, each shot making my heart beat faster,

 

and without notice, a rain of bullets from behind me,

 

finally, reinforcements had come, we were now this wars master,

 

now with my allies by my side, I sighed and said: "Let's set Normandy and Europe free."

 

 

 

It's finally time to meet your fate, I thought with a heavy sigh,

 

this is your last hiding place,a building of old, my cowardly foes?

 

I already prophosize your end, it's finally at it's tip, it's nigh,

 

it's time to obliterate you, my foe, time to end this pain and woe.

 

 

 

My General handed me a charge and wished me good luck,

 

and at that moment, thunder rolled like a lion in the twilight sky,

 

I departed, tep by step, the closer I got, stepping in blood and muck;

 

finally, I made it in one piece, I thought, and suddenly a bullet hit my thigh!

 

 

 

Pain, pain pain, this was all that I had felt, but I ignored my bodies warnings,

 

and set the charge to the foundation of the decrepit structure,

 

at that moment my life flashed before me, wondering: Will I see morning?

 

No, I thought, another blast threw me in mid air, in the last of my misery, I landed in a ditch, my body was ruptured.

 

 

 

I was wrong, I was alive, I heard cheering from my comrads,

 

my heart was in pain, it beat in unison with my painful, pounding head,

 

for at that moment my fears, my phisical pain vanished, they were rend,

 

for within this deep pit lie my father, peacefully dead.

 

 

 

 

 

This poem is dedicated to every troop that was lost in Operation: Overload, the one battle where we finally freed Europe from the Nazis in one of the most grueling battles ever. My heart goes out to every American troop, British troop, Canadian troop, even the French troops; thank you for stopping the Nazis.

 

 

 

We will never forget.

Ok 3 things strike me instantly

 

1:"even the French troops"<----Classic nay say best line.

 

2:The Soviets did pretty much everything in 'liberating' the 'free' world. Operation:Overload was a last ditched attempt to halt the spread of Communism, when it was apparent that the Nazi's were not going to destroy the Communists and be too weak to fight on. There is no mention of the combinded losses that they sustained that gave the 'Americans' a chance to build a powerful enough war machine to invade.

 

 

 

3: Seroius point about the whole post. It wasn't a poem as such, it had no rythem and was written either as a song or as a narrative. Such as the commas in center of the line, which is normally in one of the above. The poem also used long words that were more about description than about poetic technique, so it didn't read at a steady rate. I would say it was a story, because it can't come under the war-poems ideal as it is too difficult to remember off by heart. So maybe a song, but more likely a story.

 

 

 

After that I note that it is a pretty good 'story' and I liked(in a morbid twist(not twisted) way) the ending. This was because it was a realistic and somewhat heart breaking moment. However as I saud before you put too much on the description

 

"My body quaked with agony and despair" ok my amature physcology tells me that when you are in pain you don't think of a good word you just say it. As with some of the rest of this story. There is also the factor that you have remained decidly neutral "German after German" not 'Hun after Hun' or other terms that are more fitting to the story of a person who's father has been killed and they themselves have been badly injured.

 

Regardless of the fighting on the Eastern front and heavy loses for German and Soviet forces, there was some pretty heavy casualties on this side of the lines as well. You don't live though something like that and then write a poem that (this is just me talking) sounds like you were playing a video game and was part of the story. In other words it was very unrelated and uncaring "My father, peacefully dead" its the sort of thing someone would say on reflection perhaps but not when it was happening and the conflicting feelings that were inside them.

 

 

 

But besides all of that it was a good read and it made me think a bit.... which is always nice.

I, as is the case right now, don't understand what Archimages is saying!

 

 

 

It told the story of an unnamed soldier in the war to free Europe from the Nazis! It touches my heart... but, you write better stories than poems, though with work, you could make this like some of J.R.R. Tolkien's epics that I love so much!

 

 

 

I do not think the French are anything special... except for their baguettes.

 

 

 

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

You never understand what I am saying...

 

 

 

The short answer was that it was more of a story not a poem. Then the evidence that proved it.

But... isn't a poem story called something to the effect of an epic poem?

 

 

 

J.R.R. Tolikien wrote very long poems that told stories, no one ever denies that they are poems.

It's an interesting poem with a powerful meaning, yet it should be made into a story. I mean, there is rhyming, but the rhythmic feel isn't quite in there. My advice: scrap the rhyming and make it into a story with almost the same words.

But... isn't a poem story called something to the effect of an epic poem?

 

 

 

because it can't come under the war-poems ideal as it is too difficult to remember off by heart.

 

It isn't an epic poem, because an epic poem is written by exaggaration and to follow a beat so it can be easierly remember. This is not.

But... isn't a poem story called something to the effect of an epic poem?

 

 

 

because it can't come under the war-poems ideal as it is too difficult to remember off by heart.

 

It isn't an epic poem, because an epic poem is written by exaggaration and to follow a beat so it can be easierly remember. This is not.

 

 

 

Sotty Archimage, many things I disagree with. I do appreciate your critisidm, though.

 

 

 

First off. This wasn't to prove that I could write poems. Merely, I wanted to prove that war sucks. Archimage. It's a fictional poem about a soldier whom was responsible for ending the Nazis. Stop looking at a reality of it, because it is not true, nothing like this happened. Also, operation overload was not the stop of communism. :shame:

 

 

 

No, it was the final break of all of Europe. And it took over 30 days to actually end it. It happened like this. The Americans, Canadians, French rebels (I think nothing great about the french, but many died, and I actually feel sympathy and have a soul) and the British. The Americans launched two attacks: from above, the 101st airborne division, and from the ground attack which pushed the Nazis into Normandy. The British, too: They launched the 82nd airborne division, and attack by ground, also pushing them in. The Canadians and the French rebels just pushed them in.

 

 

 

So now, we are going supererogatory, and we trapped the Nazis in Normandy. Thus was born Operation: Overload, or The Normandy Breakout. And with that comes liberation.

 

 

 

"My body quaked with agony and despair" ok my amature physcology tells me that when you are in pain you don't think of a good word you just say it. As with some of the rest of this story. There is also the factor that you have remained decidly neutral "German after German" not 'Hun after Hun' or other terms that are more fitting to the story of a person who's father has been killed and they themselves have been badly injured.

 

 

 

Get rid of your amature pshycology and read the entire thing next time. -.- It was shell shock. Have you been to war? Neither have I. But I have family who have been in insurgent attacks, particularly being blown into the air by a mine. Or just getting shell shock, my cousin describes it as a painful experience. Not a physical experience, but a soul experience. Also, a story like a poetic story can have imagination, getting injured, and again, going supererogatory to finish the job.

 

 

 

This is what really made me mad. Since when does a poem have to have rythme? Some of the best poems don't have rythme. Most poems I read also typically use big words to describe events. These poems are the true poems, I think. They rhyme, if you look hard enough, you find the rythme (Or not) and are descriptive. That's what makes them famous and great: Different.

 

 

 

It may not be great, it may not be the best, but it shows, like I said: War sucks, bad things happen. :boohoo:

 

 

 

Lastly I don't think the Odyssey, one of the greatest Epics ever, a poem, is anything great in terms of rythmic flow. :lol: :lol: :lol:

 

 

 

That's all. archimage, thaks for the advice, but think of something out of your comfort zone, you know, no rythme poems? I mean, I';m not good at writing poems, but Hell, I just did.

 

 

 

Thanks Xewleer. Thanks everyone. G'day.

 

 

 

/\o/\o/\.::Sephiroth_King::./\o/\o/\

Ok....There are a number of flaws which are probably my fault

 

 

 

 

 

First off. This wasn't to prove that I could write poems.

 

I never said it was, I said I thought it was more of a story than it was a poem.

 

 

 

Merely, I wanted to prove that war sucks. Archimage. It's a fictional poem about a soldier whom was responsible for ending the Nazis.

 

Yes war sucks. Ok its a fictional poem about a story that went over to mainland Europe to stop the Nazi's. Great...put him in there pre...1943? and I would accept that.

 

 

 

Stop looking at a reality of it, because it is not true, nothing like this happened. Also, operation overload was not the stop of communism.

 

So what exactly was the aim of Operation Overlord? I can see it now.

 

British: Ok Chaps we are going to go across the pond get aload of our chaps killed so that we can have this major counter offensive down in history.

 

Americans: Ok we are going to go over to the German people and open up a can of whoop on them, because we are the most powerful nation on the planet. The fact that we didn't actually want to go when it looked like we might have to sue for peace, or for when the Nazi's actually had a chance of destroying communism, is irrelavant.

 

French: We have been here for more or less six years. We made it difficult for the Germans but we never really thought we would be able to liberate france back...not that we had a big line of defences that would have easierly been enough to halt the Germans had they came that way.

 

Russians: We have been fighting the Germans for the past six years. They pushed us back to the suburbs of Moscow and we then pushed them all the way back. We lost the most men overall and collectively in the Allies, but hey we are communists so the actually fact is that we are not ever going to be liberating Germany we are just going to enslave it.

 

 

 

What a wonderful little group they made. It seems so obvouis why the Allies with their minor war losses would need to make a big show of D-Day. The fact that even with D-Day Germany was liberated mainly by the Russians, and in the first years after the war while the communist parties were banned in America, the Democratic parties of Eastern Germany actually were up and running. I can just see why the Americans needed to invade Normandy....

 

 

 

 

 

So now, we are going supererogatory, and we trapped the Nazis in Normandy. Thus was born Operation: Overload, or The Normandy Breakout. And with that comes liberation.

 

So it had nothing to do with the hundreds of thousands of Russians that died? Nothing to do with the fact that Berlin, the capital city, was liberated by the Russians? That was obvouisly just a side effect.

 

 

 

 

 

Get rid of your amature pshycology and read the entire thing next time. It was shell shock. Have you been to war? Neither have I. But I have family who have been in insurgent attacks, particularly being blown into the air by a mine.

 

 

 

I know it was shell shock...I never disputed what it was. I was saying that "agony and despair" where perhaps not the words that you would immediately think of. It sounds like you had thought about them. Ok I don't know what the hell would go though my mind but "My body quaked" is not exactly the most apt term. Probably something like "An explosion of pain" Yes there is no real pain but thats not what it is(Apparntly according to my nieghbour who was in the WW2...no he's not russian.) to be shell shocked. Its the fear that hits you. Either that it could have been me or that I don't want to move it only just missed me it I move it might hit me. "I couldn't move, my body racked with pain"(Ok it needs alot of work) but thats the realistic terms. Not "My body quaked with fear and agony"

 

 

 

This is what really made me mad. Since when does a poem have to have rythme? Some of the best poems don't have rythme. Most poems I read also typically use big words to describe events. These poems are the true poems, I think. They rhyme, if you look hard enough, you find the rythme (Or not) and are descriptive. That's what makes them famous and great: Different.

 

I really didn't mean a poem had to rhyme... I meant that traditionally Epic poems are built so that they can be remembered easierly. So the events do not fade with time and are just as memorable now as they were now. Looking hard is useless, you are going to be reading this, maybe to a tune but thats it. You are expected to be able to remember it by heart. That is what the epic poem is.

 

 

 

It may not be great, it may not be the best, but it shows, like I said: War sucks, bad things happen.

 

Completely true. It doesn't have to be the Best, or have to be great. It has to be memorable and if you can't get lost in the poem and believe it is happening, it is not epic.

 

 

 

 

That's all. archimage, thaks for the advice, but think of something out of your comfort zone, you know, no rythme poems? I mean, I';m not good at writing poems, but Hell, I just did.

 

O...k I have never read Odyssey, if I have I can't remember it. I would suggest you do the same. Actually read someone elses poetry before you comment on it. My 'Comfort' zone is not limited, I don't like rhyme to be honest, it forces you to read in a certain way, which changes with dialect and such. I rarely use rhyming, and when I do I know it is not as good as it could be...

 

 

 

In case anyone did get confused when I said " to follow a beat" I have it in the broadest term. If you wanted to compose a little tune to go with it then ok. If the tune fits the poem well then ok. If the tune and poem work together and the words are the right ones then great. I will recind my statement that this is not an epic poem...until then I said by my choice and thats that...Sorry.