Yes but there is a law against arresting one's self...

 

 

 

Anyway Part 7 is up...Return of BlueJay next weekend!

Major thread rework, please can everyone check the thread(just open the hides and have a look) to see if there are any major errors...I am aware of a handful of minor errors like spelling so only problems that really interfere...(Like missing sections or repeated sections.)

 

 

 

...story to come tommrow.

Hmm...

 

 

 

BlueJay watched the waterÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s drips slowly down from the ceiling. Then how they exploded as they hit the foggy mirror like surface of waste,

 

Nether of these are sentences I'm afraid. The first one requires a verb and the second one needs a noun..

 

So water's drips should be water drip, and Then how they exploded should be Then they exploded.

 

 

 

Other than that I couldn't find any major gramatical errors..

 

 

 

But you made Bluejay a gay cannibal!?!?! Bad Archimage! Very bad Archimage!*slaps wrist* That is so mean... :evil:

 

 

 

Anyway, your definitely VERY good at writing.. Although the subject matter was rather odd, it was creative...

 

 

 

4.7 Bill gates points out of five..(.3 taken off for grammar)

BlueJay watched the waterÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s drips drop slowly from the ceiling and explode upon the fogged mirror surface of waste joining their brethren. Who they would travel with on their journey to the sea, where they would mix with the salt water and been consumed by the fish.

 

Ok happy now? :roll:

 

 

 

"water's drips" is a funny term because we don't normally think of water owning its drips and drops, but I think that it does...of course that doesn't excuse my sloppy wording. I had re-written the opening so many times in my head that I was sure it was right...Let that be a lesson to you all. No matter how good you are you can still make mistakes.

 

 

 

I think the second one jsut needed a comma. "Then, how they..." Because that would make they the subject and therefore a correct sentance.

 

 

 

Although the subject matter was rather odd, it was creative...

 

AHHHHH CREATIVITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! RUN AWAY!!!

 

Very bad grammar there. Sounds more like you are going on to talk about why it odd, rather than a seperate point. To be correct(Although it can be accepted either way, it should be:

 

Although the subject matter was rather odd, it is still highlycreative...

 

Or

 

Although the subject matter was rather odd but it was also highly creative...

 

 

 

Woo 4.85 Bill Gates out of 1 Britian...thats....almost a percent!!!

 

 

 

*Warning post being edited....

Warning Microsoft prime directive overriden "Bill Gates is super"

Warning Britian overriding override, message accepted. *

:XD: I was typing quickly to make a point, not writing a story. There is a difference you know... -.-

 

 

 

The subject matter was rather odd, however it was really creative.

 

 

 

Happy??

Well...not really, but I SUPPOSE it will do...

 

 

 

 

 

In the future combining sentances will be a thing of the past. In its place will be an an amazing new system, this can be seen below.

 

 

 

ECBCITASW.

 

 

 

There we go. :D

 

 

 

Everything Can Be Combined InTo A Single Word.

 

Everyone Can Be Caught In Tommy's Apple World.

 

Everyone Can't Be Creative In Time-Apex Works.

ECBCITASW:

 

 

 

Everything Can Be Combined InTo A Single Word.

 

Everyone Can Be Caught In Tommy's Apple World.

 

Everyone Can't Be Creative In Time-Apex Works.

 

 

 

Yes, I am a spoiler... :XD:

Yes its that time of week where I have forgotten to say that last night I updated the story...so there no I have.

 

 

 

Enjoy :D

Wow I love your stories

 

Can I copy. The way. You write. Your poems. With heaps. Of fullstops?

 

 

 

You should make the subtitles stand out more for BlueJay Chronicals. Why does the font change at the end of the chronicals?

 

 

 

We lay

 

Drifting in void

 

Never seeing

 

Never hearing

 

I couldn't be bothered reading that poem, there was too much scrolling :( ...

 

The people. Are. The heroes. Now.

 

The workers. Are. The cash cow.

 

The people. Are. The heroes. How?

 

The master. Calls. the peasants. Now.

 

But I loved this one! :D

Lol thanks so much!!!(Sorry talking to some exclamation mark fruit loops, and now can't stop using them)

 

Anyway of course you can, everything that I do is not my own...well thats not true the full stops in the middle of sentances is my idea...but you know what I mean....Well no actually probably not....ummm

 

Well basically the English language is incredibly versetile and as such nothing that I do is just mine, it belongs to everyone that can speak, write or even knows of English.

 

Only the actual content was mine...and thanks to the(Tip it) copyright thats not even all mine.... :oops:

 

 

 

Anyway I was pretty much gonna get rid of the 'parts' and just change to chapters when I actually got it published...or sent it off or whatever I plan to eventually do with it, which is part of the reason that the subtitles don't stand out...

 

The other thing is that it was about 10:40 and I was supposed to be in bed by 9:30...So.... But anyway word crashed and I had to use notepad. As such only the large 'letter' format stuff was really worth singling out, because of its format.

 

 

 

Lol and I hadn't noticed. The font changed because word was working again and I could use the font I usually use when copying it into paint and saving as PNGs.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

On the poems...Well its up to you how you use the poems. As someone once said(Or should have because its a cool statement): I can only give you the seeds, it is up to you to make them grow.

 

I wrote the poem, its up to you to read it.

 

 

 

Finally I am glad you liked that poem, its one of my favoured poems, based on the song 'The people are the Heroes now' Which before you scream copyright is only the basical principle...and if you try to sing it to it then it will sound really bad. And sorry I don't have the link, if anyone has Civ4 then you can listen to it....sorry :uhh:

You like to flit around at the beginning of chapters, do you? It's okay to do this, it does make the story more interesting, but you shouldn't do this with EVERY chapter.. It gets rather repetitive after a while..

 

 

 

The plot for The Bluejay Chronicles keeps getting wilder and wilder, it's out of control.. Still, it's creative and I like it.

 

 

 

You wrongly capitalized biceps once..

 

 

 

Wow, you've been here for at least two years?! Nice!

 

 

 

Five pigeons out of six.

Yes I suppose you are right. A certain Germany leader...during 1939-1945 world war did this to warm up, and so do I. To be honest it has little baring on the story and you can ignore it if you so wish. I just need it. Besides its not out of control....well not compared to the story I wrote this morning after a 3 mile trek forth from the two schools I go to...only to find english was canceled, and I had to wak back...Typical! But any I will be posting that very soon as it is very short. But the chances are that this weekend there will be no update. Sorry all.... :uhh: Its a problem of a personally politic nature that isn't gonna go anywhere...I think, but the chance is there, so give it a shot I say!

 

 

 

Oh and yes I have been here longer than most people and have been the only person to consistantly post...not an easy feat when you are the only person on the forum!!!

In "Release", it's really annoying how the blackground is light blue/ cyan... it really hurts my eyes when i'm trying to read.

 

Anyway, I actually like how you flit around at the beggining of chapters- it makes it more interesting

I am sorry. I think if you highlight it you will create a negative of it, but I am not sure. Otherwise I am really sorry and all I can suggest is copying it onto word and doing grayscale on it.

 

 

 

Hmmm I guess its a personal preferance.

 

 

 

Anyway I am sorry I havn't got this weeks up till today, I wrote it last sunday-monday in the middle of the night and was too tired to post it. Then forgot.

IM BACK! Maybe

 

 

 

Story is going well I see. Just read it all. I'll be on for a little bit.

 

And yes, I do know last time I posted was like a month ago.

 

Halo 3 still has me...

 

 

 

Well, I was on for a little bit. Now to watch the football game...

Hey welcome back, part 11 is up. You know if there are any other current readers out there can you tell me what you think?

Hey all. Part 12 is up and we are at somewhere we have already been before. Feel free to peruse it when you have time.

And one week over we have part 13.

 

=D> in the distance

I'm back!!!! For a minute!!!

 

 

 

Good story. Im surprised you kept writing this story lolz

Its a struggle but I have people off the forum who read it as well, so I can write and get feedback regardless.

Sweet

Big update, second story added.

Awsome! The BlueJay Chronicles now have a website. Do I have ur permission to put it in my sig?

Don't see why not....

 

 

 

 

[url=http://www.freewebs.com/bluejaychronicles/index.htm][img=http://i10.tinypic.com/62sglrk.jpg][/url]

Awsome ty. I needed a new sig for these forums but I didn't want to make one. (And I was too lazy to post in the gallery)