The ancient story goes like this..

 

 

 

In the date of 6/6/06...

 

 

 

There was a loophole in the Runescape System. But no one ever accsessed it.. Untill an evil hacker came and attacked RUNESCAPE, Taking all the precious items and killing off the players, one by one! OH NOEZ, THE HAX IS COMING ZOMG SAVE US!!1!!!11111!!1! Then a mystical Mage that knew these odd, magical magicks came to us to try to defeat the mysterious hax! And it all starts here..

 

 

 

Our hero just finished owning a noob in the wildy when all of a sudden two Tz-tok-Jads came out of nowhere! RUN AWAY! And he teleported to Canifis. But he wasnt safe there, either. The hacker made everything able to ATTACK HIM! And that was when the hacker showed himself... As...

 

 

 

THE DEVIL.. yeah i know what your thinking, as in wtf, but yea he wanted to take over rs. And so our hero, whose name is Foolishnoob, decided to ice barrage him. " Dude wtf im gonna pwn you with my ZZammy fires rawr!!1!!1!" Replied The evil one.. he missed. Then he escaped through the loophole. Foolishnoob must set off to find a way to the devil. And Quickly!

 

 

 

From canifis, he sets off through the forest, to the deserted graveyard. to be continued zomgorz

...

 

 

 

You're kidding, right?

Have to agree...

 

This isn't really a story. Its a series of plans that you could make a story out of...there is nothing there that catches your attention like a story. Just "Hmmmm I could make a story out of that..."

 

 

 

It was pretty badly written as well.

 

The ancient story goes like this..

 

This is not the way to start any story...EVER. Sort of cliched(SP) starting and then "Goes like this" It sounds like you are talking to someone about a football match you saw once...

 

 

 

Also the story isn't exactly great..."There is a loop hole in Runescape"

 

There are tonnes of loop holes...and it doesn't take a genius hacker to use them...Runescape isn't built on the idea that it is an impentatrable fortress(like other games) its built on the principle that if you do something wrong you will be booted after a time...

 

More so...Why? All you have to do is go to the bank...put all your stuff in....in fact you don't have to do that, you just log worlds...

 

Thats the problem with talking about runescape in terms of a game, you have to factor reality into the equation.

 

 

 

The name "FoolishNoob" is possibly the worst I have heard as a hero...Ok if you were writing a comical peice but being serouis about it all, it just sounds even more like you can't be bothered.

 

Also you adress the audiance

 

yeah i know what your thinking, as in wtf, but yea he wanted to take over rs

 

That is just stupid...You are the author we are the audiance...We are at the mercy of your imagination not the otherway around...you don't need to justify anything because its your reality. If you want to say something like that you need to do it from a characters perspective. Usually people write in the 3rd-1 person on this board. Meaning they follow one person in the third person...Thats just the norm because its easy and it works...You are writing in what appears to be the 3rd-0 you are just writing events, not the character's thoughts or feelings...

 

 

 

Also I should draw your attention to the post concerning Runescape Dialogues:

 

If you're trying to write a story in Dialogue or Script form, you still must try to make an attempt to make it sensible

 

You are pretty much just writing a story as it would happen in Runescape which is against the rules. The whole idea of this board is to expand on Runescape and/or create new realities...Not put a set of events into Runescape and then talk about them. At the moment your story is alot like:

 

"I killed 4324 Chickens and got to level 30. Then this noob came by and called me a noob. I called him a noob and he starts taking my chickens."

He's talking in a second-person point of view.

 

 

 

This story is kind of pointless, if you ask me.

2nd person is you do this and you do that...this is not about you, this is about a series of events...

Normally I try to give people a chance at improving their writing if they show enough effort to do so...

 

 

 

If you're trying to make a new writing style, I don't recommend this being the place to experiment.