Harakiri Posted September 19, 2007 Share Posted September 19, 2007 Chapter 1: In the beginning The room was huge, with a shiny tile floor that you could see your reflection in, and with lots of paintings. Snake continued his walk until he stopped at a huge round table. The gods sat before him. "My lords." Snake got on his knees and bowed. "Snake, we have devised a way to make you a god." "Whats that?" "Stay with this guy for 5000 years." A door opened and smoke poured through. A shadow of a man could be seen. Suddenly, there were some coughs and he appeared, limping on the floor. "What was in that stuff?" The noob asked. "Snake, this is the man you have to stay with for the next 5000 years!" "NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!" Snake awoke from the dream. Noob was sleeping on the other side of the small prison cell. The dream was not real. He and Noob just met. And that was what Snake thought his father, Zamorak, was using to torture him on Earth. NOOB! A jail guard patrolled the little corridor between the cells, shining a lantern at each, making sure the occupant was not trying to do something to escape. The light shone on Snakes face. "Ol' Snake boy." The guard said. "Shut the hell up and do your job." "You would say that to your old buddy?" "Just because I have been thrown in this joint a ton of times does not mean we are friends." "Thats what you think. Now what are you in for?" "Murder." "Who'd you kill this time?" "None of your business." "Well, I can always look up your record." "Go ahead." "And whats that kid in here for?" "Attempted murder." "Attempted?" "Yup." "Man, you are pathetic Snake. Fifth time this year." "And I escaped every time before this didn't I?" "So what?" "So what makes you think your gonna keep me in here any longer?" "Because you are being guarded like hell. One small move and your dead." "Do you know how well guarded hell really is?" "What do you mean?" "You will soon find out how heavily guarded hell is after I finish with you." "Dammit! Screw the chief of police, lets kill this guy!" Snake kicked Noob. Noob awoke. "Ow! That hurt you know!" "Too bad! Get up we have a fight on our..." Snake was cut off by an arrow flying through the cells bars and protruding from the wall. "What'd you do this time Snake?" "Shut up Noob" Another arrow shot past Snakes face. "How we gonna escape this one?" "Watch and learn." Snake grabbed one of the bent arrows and hurled it at the police archer. The arrow penetrated his stomach and the policeman fell, clutching his bleeding stomach. "That was kinda gory..." Noob said. "I know." "Do you care if you kill?" "No. I must get it from my father." Snake watched as the policemen grouped around the archers dead body. "You killed him." "Gee, nice observation Mr. Holmes." "Mr. Holmes? What?" "When you are a gods son, you basically see all of history as I did." "So what happens to me?" Asked Noob. "You die in an accident." "Was it a valiant death?" "Which time? When the chicken killed you, you drowned to death, you ran into a wall..." "Oh, uh, I have no reply to that." The cell door opened and the police ran in trying to wail on Snake. Noob just got a bump on his head and Snake and Noob were able to escape. TO BE CONTINUED IN FUTURE CHAPTERS Hope this is all right for you for now. I will work more on a large storyline but for now I guess we will have to make due. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lya_helix Posted September 19, 2007 Share Posted September 19, 2007 yay! The Snake and Noob saga continues! Click Here! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluejayfan94 Posted September 20, 2007 Share Posted September 20, 2007 YAY!! NOOB LIVES!! Well I guess I have to change my sig... HomerSPC's Lets Plays : : Minecraft, Portal, Halo and more! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harakiri Posted September 20, 2007 Author Share Posted September 20, 2007 A look back at Snake and Noobs finest: THE INNKEEPER Snake and Noob walked into a bar. It was a normal bar with five tables in the middle, two booths in the southern corners, a bar with stools, and an innkeeper. Snake and Noob sat at the bar and Snake set down some gold. "Two of your finest ales." The innkeeper took two glasses and filled them with the ale setting one in front of Snake and the other in front of Noob. "Like hell i'm giving you that." Snake took the glass of ale away from Noob and told the innkeeper to get his friend a juice box. Noob complained but Snake said that he was to low level and would get drunk to easily. The innkeeper set down juice box and looked at Snake. "Two hundred coins please." Noob butted in "Snakes rich but not rich enough to afford that!" "Well then get the hell out of my bar!" People behind Noob and Snakes back stood up and stared. "No." Said Noob. "Here I'll pay." Snake went for his money pouch attached to his belt but was suddenly stopped by an adamant long sword cutting away the pouch. Two guys in addy armor were looking at Snake and Noob. "You guys think your tough aye?" Snake took his beer glass and said "I will kill you with this." "As long as you pay for it!" The innkeeper butted in. "Fine, I'll pay for it." Snake went for his money pouch that was lying on the floor. A sword was plunged down at him. Snake dodged and came up, striking the guy in the neck with the beer glass. A huge chunk of glass broke on impact and lay implanted in the guys neck. Snake chipped a piece of glass from the beer glass and dodged the other guys Addy scimitar. Snake jumped onto the guys head and stuck the piece of glass into his eye. Suddenly, the guys explode prayer came on. "Oh crap." Snake,Noob,innkeeper, and the building blew up. In lumbridge the innkeeper said to Snake "Cough up two million!" Now for another chapter: CHAPTER 2: BLUE JAY Snake and Noob had escaped the jail and were now escaped convicts. They ran. And ran. And noob died. And they ran some more. Suddenly, a giant Blue Jay flew through the air and almost grabbed Noob. Snake pulled out a sword he bought and once the bird swooped again, Snake bounded on to the beasts back where a rider sat. "Who are you?" "I don't want you dead, I just want to capture that Noob!" "Why?" "Because I am a Noob Police man." "Oh, crap. I forgot about you losers." "Screw you! We are the best cops ev...er?" Down below, the normal cops were handcuffing noob and threw him into a police car. "You stupid police." Snake said. "How do they have cars? Those have not been invented yet!" I WROTE THIS STORY, THAT IS WHY! "Who are you?" Asked the noob police man. "You heard him to? Thank Dad...I always thought that voice was in my head." "Thank Dad?" "Well I can't say thank god. I have to say thank Dad." "Why?" "HAVE YOU READ THE ORIGINALS?" "I am sorry, they wiped my brain to create this redone version of Snake and Noob." "How can you try and kill a character in the name of the show?" "Who that Noob?" "YES!" "I was told by Archimage to kill him so that Archimages name would be in the title." "That bastard! How'd he know we're redoing the series?" "Intel." "From who?" "A secret source." "WHAT IS THE SOURCE?" "My giant blue jay." "But I thought we erased everyones...except for me of course..." "Blue Jay is way to smart for psychics to work on him." "And he told Archimage..." "Yup." "Blue Jay old buddy...you are great and gullible!" "How do you know my name? Are you a stalker?" "No... I thought you knew what you were talking about!" "Nope, it all came to me in a vision." "So, uh, since you hate the real police, you wanna save Noob and then defeat the evil ARCHIMAGE!" "I thought he was a good guy." "Well then confront him...stop making it so hard for me!" TBC. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unoalexi Posted September 20, 2007 Share Posted September 20, 2007 Funny.. but after Guns and Swords it really wasn't your best.. Seven kittens out of ten. Here be dragons ^ Dragon of the Day Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harakiri Posted September 20, 2007 Author Share Posted September 20, 2007 Let me say this fact...the original Snake and Noob had the most views and posts out of any other story on this forum. AMAZING...especially considering that was my premiere story ANOTHER FINE FACT FROM RATCHET573 He's really just rubbing it in all you peoples faces. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sephiroth_king Posted September 20, 2007 Share Posted September 20, 2007 Let ME just state the fact that you wrote every day, constantly updating, thus more people viewed...You got fans, etc. But the story itself isn't..."Great," I didn't find it funny, I still don't. I mean, the title sounds funny, people like laughs. People want good stories, however they want a good laugh now and again...Your brand of comedy is like Carlos Mencias...Just a tiny bit better. What I'm trying to say: Dry humor, gets old. It feels copied at times, as well. The constant updating is what really gets views. It's an active story, therefore people will constantly read it. If you quote me to read this, you are gullible... Hoping to get a new Signature (with matching avatar) soon. :D In the meantime...Steam username: )I'll rewrite it later (add me if you want) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harakiri Posted September 20, 2007 Author Share Posted September 20, 2007 Yeah i know...And you must be a serious person to not like Snake and Noob. NO ADULT SWIM FOR YOU! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unoalexi Posted September 21, 2007 Share Posted September 21, 2007 Let me say this fact...the original Snake and Noob had the most views and posts out of any other story on this forum. AMAZING...especially considering that was my premiere story ANOTHER FINE FACT FROM RATCHET573 He's really just rubbing it in all you peoples faces. That was before Guns and Swords :wink: Here be dragons ^ Dragon of the Day Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harakiri Posted September 21, 2007 Author Share Posted September 21, 2007 LOL...and at first you could care less and called it something like...ghost rider... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
llamster Posted September 21, 2007 Share Posted September 21, 2007 Very nice. I've never had the time to read the whole Snake and Noob. Ah, this reminds me about the noob on the Runescape forums who was upset with the quest "Cold War" because apparently his grandparents died in the war. :wall: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harakiri Posted September 21, 2007 Author Share Posted September 21, 2007 Does any1 know what happened to our well respected member of the Library community Archimage. He would have been criticizing me by now on how good or how terrible my stories were...WHERE ARE YOU ARCHI? Am I going to have to make a Snake and Noob storyline called the search for Archimage? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unoalexi Posted September 21, 2007 Share Posted September 21, 2007 LOL...and at first you could care less and called it something like...ghost rider... That was before it started to get good : Here be dragons ^ Dragon of the Day Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harakiri Posted September 25, 2007 Author Share Posted September 25, 2007 A lot more of S+N now! CHAPTER 3: THE SAVING OF NOOB AND FIGHTING ARCHIMAGE Snake kicked down the wooden door. All the police yelled. "Oh no...its the guy who murdered that other guy!" "Who?" "I don't know, but he murdered him thats for sure!" Snake ran past them and into the cell blocks. He found Noob almost automatically. "What are you doing in a cat carrier Noob?" "Uh, this is where they put me." "But the cat carrier is only for really bad people!" "Well, I guess I am pretty bad." "If you consider bad at fighting and doing almost anything else then..." "Just get me out of the damn carrier!" "Watch your language young Noob! You know I can set you in the time out chair." "God, the author has screwed you up. In the originals you were cool and now..." "WHAT WAS THAT...I WILL MURDER YOU..." "HOLY HELL MAN!" "I am sorry, that damn author again, jeez is he a jerkoff." I HEARD THAT! "You wrote that idiot. Jeez, can I get Noob out of his carrier." I DON'T KNOW, CAN YOU? Snake opened it and Noob fell out onto the floor. "Yup." I LET YOU DO THAT. "Whatever. Lets go fight Archimage now Noob." "But he's my friend." "Too bad." _____________________________________________________________ Archimage studios loomed in front of Snake and Noob. Snake grabbed Noob. "What are you doing Snake?" "Just trying to enter this place." Snake threw Noob threw a window. Then Snake jumped through. Only to see: "I MURDERED SOMEONE!" Noob screamed. "OH MY GOD! ITS OUR INTERN!" Yelled some guy. "Nice going Noob. Announce our presence to the world." "Well, you know its hard when you shattered a window...NO! That was the one with all the pretty colors on it! You bastards!" He ran to a corner and started to cry. Archimages office was right in front of Snake. Snake kicked the door open. The bolts flew through the air and the door slammed to the floor. "Dammit Snake, it was unlocked." "Sorry." "Jeez, the door left splinters in my kittens skin!" Meow! "Oh god...I am sorry." "I am calling pet control. You are so totally evil." "God, you too Archimage, the author has screwed you guys up since the last storyline. Man I hate the author!" Said Noob. "What about the time he gave you the powers of Zamorack?" asked Archimage. "Thats the thing, thats when he cut off the originals. There has to be some trans-dimensional portal that can send me to his world and I can rewrite the story..." "Hi I am Archimage, the greatest magician on Earth." "Hi I am Noob and for once I am not the idiot around here." "Hi I am Snake and that poor kitten needs surgery." "Hi I am the vet and I want the cat." Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow! "Where the hell is a trans-dimensional portal when you need one?" asked Noob. Suddenly, a trans-dimensional portal was formed in front of Noob. "Your wish is granted." Said a Blue Genie. "THANK YOU JAGEX!" Yelled Noob. I AM THE ONE WHO CREATED IT! "Shut up author! I am coming for you!" OH NO, MY OWN CREATION IS COMING TO KILL ME AND I CANNOT REWRITE THE STORY CAN I? "You wouldn't!" I WILL. "I gonna kill you!" And thus Archimage and Snake exchanged stupid comments and Noob went to Earth. MEANWHILE: Little does little noob know that I have given all his friends noobs personality and that noob has Snakes personality. I did this in order to create some sort of a plot before I rewrite that fighting tournament series. Wow will it be good. Lots of action and it will be rewritten with a new necromancer. And The Noob Police... TBC Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harakiri Posted September 25, 2007 Author Share Posted September 25, 2007 Prepare for more fun Snake and Noob excitement! I have a storyline where noob meets me, in the real world and the I will redo the fighting tournament saga and do it from a news casters perspective maybe? :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluejayfan94 Posted September 25, 2007 Share Posted September 25, 2007 Don't worry about me... I won't be on for a week or so... HALO 3!!!! HomerSPC's Lets Plays : : Minecraft, Portal, Halo and more! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harakiri Posted September 25, 2007 Author Share Posted September 25, 2007 Don't worry about me... I won't be on for a week or so... HALO 3!!!! I was there at midnight for my copy...suck that!~ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unoalexi Posted September 26, 2007 Share Posted September 26, 2007 Don't worry about me... I won't be on for a week or so... HALO 3!!!! I was there at midnight for my copy...suck that!~ I knew you guys were HALO nerds.. Alas, this is what the mighty dictator Bill Gates wants! Soon, you shall be chanting 'Heil Bill Gates, Heil Bill Gates..' in your sleep! -.- Here be dragons ^ Dragon of the Day Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluejayfan94 Posted September 28, 2007 Share Posted September 28, 2007 -.- Heil Gates! Heil Gates! Heil Gates! -.- :-# Oops, what was I saying... :?: Ratchet, I was one of the first in my city to get it. :D 13 hours of waiting for it. I survived on A&W and their famous root beer =P~ ( -.- = sleep) Off topic: Any Xbox Live person can add me... Its in my sig. HomerSPC's Lets Plays : : Minecraft, Portal, Halo and more! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harakiri Posted September 29, 2007 Author Share Posted September 29, 2007 I am back...and continuing the funky storyline! CHAPTER 4 WTF? Noob was entering the portal when a giant black mark descended upon the portal. "OH GOD! A PLOT POINT!" Snake looked up and also saw the amazing black ball. "I think thats Superman. You know, he has gained weight." Suddenly, the ball opened up and a bright light flashed out upon the three in the office. "Archimage, its time I kill you." Said Snake. "We will see...Ha ha ha ha. You will never be able to erase my memory of the originals! NEVER!" Snake punched Archimage in the jaw. "You...sucker punched me? The mighty Snake, son of Zamorack, sucker punch me? A mortal?" "Oh thats it you bastard!" Snake kicked Archimage in the stomach and sent him flying through the wall of the office. Archimage landed on some daisies. "Oh my god...my intern is going to kill you for ruining his precious daisies!" "Oh god, your intern is dead." "Oh god your under arrest." The cops appeared out of nowhere. Archimage took this opportunity to use a fire spell to burn Snake. Snake walked over towards Archimage studios. "You wouldn't!" "All those precious memories Archimage..." "I will kill you!" "I will burn down the studios!" "And if you stop resisting arrest I will have to use this tazer. Watch me demonstrate in this wanted criminal." He pointed the tazer at Noob and shot it at him. Noob screamed in shock as the electricity boiled his blood. Snake watched as Noobs fried body fell to the ground. "Oops I seemed to have killed him." Was the only thing the cop could say. Snake ran and kicked him in the stomach and then used the fire on himself to burn the cop. "Archimage studios will now BURN!" "NOOOOOO!" Snake touched Archimage studios and it burned. Archimage fell down to his knees as he watched all his money and tax dollars go down the drain. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOo NEXT EPISODE: THE CONCLUSION OF THIS EPIC SAGA. CAN SNAKE DEFEAT ARCHIMAGE AND MAKE HIM GET RID OF HIS MEMORIES? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluejayfan94 Posted September 29, 2007 Share Posted September 29, 2007 11 Kittens out of 10 eh? I'd give it more like 11 cockroaches out of 10. Cockroaches are not good... So technically -11/10 ARCHIMAGE NO LONGER RULES!!!!! GOOD JOB SNAKE... Now to start a vote... Who will make a better new president/prime minister/whatever? A. Archimage B. Blue Jay or R. Ratchet Yes, Pun intended... HomerSPC's Lets Plays : : Minecraft, Portal, Halo and more! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unoalexi Posted September 29, 2007 Share Posted September 29, 2007 Well we all no that Bluejay is obssesed with his Halo game being brainwashed by Bill Gates. I highly doubt that the owner of the Halo Serieshis absolute Leader would enjoy reading Snake and Noob . All the mighty and powerful DICTATOR Bill Gates likes is buying other companies and adding them to Microsoft aka. his GLOBAL EMPIRE But, it was still not your best.. -.- 1 Bill Gates point out of 5 And Bluejay, you had A, B, and R but I know you secretly want G!G for Bill Gates Here be dragons ^ Dragon of the Day Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fist_of_ozzy Posted September 29, 2007 Share Posted September 29, 2007 Isn't this Snake and Noob stuff, Kind of getting old? I mean, It's not a bad story/RPG or whatever you guys have going on here, But it's been going on for awhile. Isn't it time for a change? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lya_helix Posted September 29, 2007 Share Posted September 29, 2007 Isn't this Snake and Noob stuff, Kind of getting old? I mean, It's not a bad story/RPG or whatever you guys have going on here, But it's been going on for awhile. Isn't it time for a change? NNNNNNEEEEEVVVVEEEEERRRR!!!!!! Click Here! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unoalexi Posted September 29, 2007 Share Posted September 29, 2007 WOW.. :shock: That's one rabid fan... Here be dragons ^ Dragon of the Day Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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