Well, I was in my first English Language AS level class today, and had to write something (anything) so long as it was about dreams. So, the following is what I conjured up in the 20 minutes we had.

 

 

 

An abstract world, with paranoid thoughts

 

Ambitions fail, whilst one's fantasy prevails

 

No creativity and no imagination

 

A lack of individuality

 

 

 

The man awoke from this dream,

 

to find that his dream was still reality

 

 

 

The perfect world, is it any man's dream?

 

 

 

A man's belief in religion, now cosidered a crime

 

The fear of sleeping, enflamed by paranoia

 

No more desires, no more aspiration

 

This world is abnormal

 

 

 

The people try to break loose from this reality,

 

but are all consumed by their dreams

 

 

 

The perfect world, do you know where it is?

 

 

 

My tutor said it was pretty good, but she seems rather.. mad (to say the least), so thoughts/opinions?

I liked it a lot. :D Good description, and it was very...Individual.

 

 

 

Your tutors mad because she can't write better than you. :lol:

Thanks a lot! ^_^

 

 

 

(I meant mad in the insane way btw :P ).

Thanks a lot! ^_^

 

 

 

(I meant mad in the insane way btw :P ).

 

 

 

No prob, and she's insane? Well, she's CRAZY and thinks she can write better. :P

Not bad, not bad at all..

 

The subject was a little umm eccentric to say the least, kind of like abstract art.

 

 

 

Eight kittens out of ten.

Aren't we fascinated with kittens? :-w

 

 

 

Thanks, and yeh, it was 'OTT' ever so slightly. :P

 

 

 

(Just found out I was in the wrong group anyway, lol. If I stayed there I'd redo O-levels instead of A-levels o.o).

Aren't we fascinated with kittens? :-w

 

I always grade things in kittens. I used to think, whenever anyone said "7/10", "What does that mean? Seven out of ten what?". Thus, to avoid any confusion, I grade things in kittens. Besides, who doesn't want kittens? They're so fluffy and cute

Aren't we fascinated with kittens? :-w

 

I always grade things in kittens. I used to think, whenever anyone said "7/10", "What does that mean? Seven out of ten what?". Thus, to avoid any confusion, I grade things in kittens. Besides, who doesn't want kittens? They're so fluffy and cute

 

I LOVE KITTENS!

 

By the way, good poem. I wonder why Archimage hasn't posted much recently...

Because I have had no free time since monday night...and before then?

 

I have alot going on...which reaked havok in my social and psyco-social life.(Psyco-social is my term for me being able to use different aspects individually), and thats still going on so I might be off key for a while yet. Anyway off topic so here we go.

 

 

 

The poem isn't excatly a poem. I am saying that because it didn't tell me how to read it, though to be fair very few poems do and thus I miss many of their points...as you can tell I don't really do poems...but anyway,

 

 

 

I think that perhaps you needed a bit more of pattened poem...that is to say you needed to put less into the vocab of it and more into the feel of it, although both are above that which I would probably write :roll: ummm so...I think that you need to go back and maybe think of some less 'out there' words...Abstract and Paranoid are words that describe a whole lot, but are twin syalballed(When you say them they are very clear cut and precise...you can't say them in much anything but an english way, without them sounding off) So that makes the poem much more differcult to feel.

 

Rhyme is not needed but you might want to include it to make it feel more...In my experiance it forces you to read a certain way, altering your brain tracks and therefore more likely to feel the same sort of things that the poet felt when writing...however if you don't feel anything while writing this is a bad thing...as they will be mixed...

 

 

 

Anyway returning post so I hope I was ok. Its a good poem, just needs something more...(I have to say that as a critic)

Wow this is so deep it explains things which we don't bother to think about in our normal lives (Most of us are too busy playing runescape)

Maybe you. Maybe me?

 

 

 

I LOVE KITTENS!

 

I DO TOO! THEY ROCK!!! :XD:

 

 

 

Anyways, The poem/story/thingy (?) was very deep. Many wouldn't have thought about it. :thumbsup:

 

7/10 Kittens. In total you have 14 Kittens! Lucky!

I love it!

 

I give you 9 Kittens/ 10

ya, good poem, different and pensive. Not genius, but a damn good piece of work. 8/10 kittens.

 

 

 

I love kittens also. They go great with ketchup.