Recouvering the land (part one)

[Saturdaythe14th]

The Wizard's Tower stood cold and dark in the late evening light. Only one man was inside, a short but stout guardian of the sacred book of rites. The man was on the ground floor, preparing for the long night by the vault. Overhead, the sun was only a few minutes from setting. The man pulled a small book from his pocket. The book, bound with premium leather and black from dye and age, had glowing blue letters and shiny pages. It was not the book of rites, it was his families ancient spell book. He opened the cover and began to read the words inside, the bold magically never fading letters consuming his interest. After a while, the sun disappeared from the sky and he stopped reading, unable to make out the words in the dark. As he moved to light a torch, he heard a crash from upstairs. He grabbed and lit one of the oak torches, and cautiously slipped towards the ancient stone stairs. He put his spell book in his pocket and silently crept up the elegantly carved granite stairway. He walked on to the second floor, his torch illuminating the hallway. He looked in every room but saw nothing out of the ordinary. Knowing the crash must have come from farther above, he hurried to the top floor as quietly as he could. Before he reached the top of the stairs, he heard a quiet chanting:

 

 

 

"From hell below, comes thy servant,

 

To do thy bidding of pain and torment,

 

In 1000 years you rise again,

 

Se' Forcher Leia Ciama Cen,

 

To rise a sacrifice is needed,

 

Your will, o master, will be heeded,

 

One million souls, to feed your spirit,

 

One world destroyed, I do not fear it,

 

Come now, from the depths of Hell,

 

Greiva, learnea, gresna--"

 

 

 

He had heard enough. He raised his burning torch. "Stop in the name of the king!" He threw the torch, but it had no affect. He saw who was chanting. It was a small man, with no hair and wearing blood red robes that reflected strangely in the torch light. The man was hunched over the sacred book of rites, though the guard had no idea how he had gotten it through the vault. The vault was solid steel that took 40 men 2 months to make. Until it was blown apart by a small man. Scattered bits of steel littered the floor, and could be very dangerous if you stepped on them. They glinted dangerously in the firelight.

 

 

 

"-- Cell"

 

 

 

The guard knew this completed the chant, and he had only seconds to react. So he thought. The book of rites exploded into a glowing inferno. The fireball grew larger, burning straight through everything in its path including the bits of steel and the monk. The guard ran to the door, which was already becoming hot from the flames. He pushed the door open and ran through the hall, stumbling in the dark. He bumped into the walls three times before making it to the stairs he tripped and fell on his face. The hair on the back of his was hot, near burning. He turned around and saw a horrible sight. The fireball had grown much larger and was advancing much faster.

 

 

 

The guard never made it down the stairs.

 

 

 

The fireball grew larger and larger, easily destroying the tower and advancing farther. It burned everything to the ground, leaving little behind.

 

In a matter of minutes, the whole land had been burned, at which point the fireball vanished.

 

 

 

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999 years, 356 days later*

 

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Valerie Barker stared at the waves. She always came to her special spot whenever work got her down, which was often. Today she had been looking at a site where they had thought they had found proof of God, but alas, it was a prank. She walked along the cliff until she hit something with her foot, tripped and fell. She got up and looked at what she had tripped on. She saw a round foundation of stones, with a few chunks of granite. Stairs, maybe? She began walking home to call her team...

 

 

 

To be continued

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*This part of the story is set in 2008, which is a leap year, meaning the end of the year comes at 366 days, not 365, so it is 10 days until the 1000 year mark.

[Unoalexi]

Hmmm, so what do we have here..?

 

 

 

Only one man was inside, a short but stout guardian of the sacred book of rites. The man was on the ground floor, preparing for the long night by the vault. Overhead, the sun was only a few minutes from setting. The man pulled a small book from his pocket. The book, bound with premium leather and black from dye and age, had glowing blue letters and shiny pages. It was not the book of rites, it was his families ancient spell book

 

 

 

Underlined-These words need to be capitalized, I believe you meant for the Book of Rites to be a proper noun, no?

 

 

 

Bold-You use book way too many times. Although you certainly don't need to change this, it would sound better if you did. You also do this with man too, I think.

 

 

 

Dark Red-This sentence could be written better, it just doesn't sound quite right. Perhaps something like- "It was only a few minutes from sunset as the man pulled a small book from his pocket"?

 

 

 

Indigo- Also there is nothing really wrong with this sentence, having too much adjectives makes your writing seem amateurish.. You don't want to force the reader to see things as you see, but instead you want to give them little hints and let their imagination do the rest..

 

 

 

Blue- Families should have a apostrophe, like

 

families' because a group of people(a family) are owning one object.

 

 

 

He grabbed and lit one of the oak torches, and cautiously slipped towards the ancient stone stairs.

 

 

 

Too many 'ands' here..

 

 

 

He threw the torch, but it had no affect. He saw who was chanting.

 

 

 

These sentences could be combined

 

 

 

The man was hunched over the sacred book of rites

 

 

 

Capitalize proper nouns!

 

 

 

though the guard had no idea how he had gotten it through the vault. The vault was solid steel that took 40 men 2 months to make

 

 

 

Don't use the same noun twice, only if you absolutely have to..

 

 

 

He bumped into the walls three times before making it to the stairs he tripped and fell on his face

 

 

 

This needs to be broken up into two sentences

 

 

 

The hair on the back of his was hot, near burning.

 

You forgot a noun here, and this sentence could be written better..

 

 

 

The fireball had grown much larger and was advancing much faster.The fireball grew larger and larger, easily destroying the tower and advancing farther.

 

 

 

You probably could've written these sentences a bit better.. 'The fireball was growing rapidly in size, easily destroying everything within it's reach.. It burnt the tower to a crisp as it expanded, quickly demolishing the area around it as well.'

 

 

 

Overall, I thought it rather annoying that mostly all the paragraph was italicized..

 

 

 

Seven kittens out of ten.

[Xewleer]

hmmm... not a bad effort, plot could use a little polishing, and I am afraid I must agree with ^

 

 

 

and its Recovering, not Recouvering

 

 

 

has great potential, but its up to you...

[InkofDeath]

Yea major potential, tad it up a bit(meaning a lot), and add to the details, yet combine the details with the other sentences, or the words even together better. You make a great detailed scene, then go directly into the story, eeze in on the transferring there. I enjoyed it. :

 

 

 

Also, that first block of text could be indented at some areas. I don't have a degree in English or anything, but it just seems it should be indented.