A Hell Cart

[Cafebcs]

"Oh wise people that deleted a planet

 

What's next on your list? to delete February?

 

only because they different you delete them..."

 

 

 

A Hell Cart

 

By Cafebcs

 

 

 

A tale say that in runescape the first player on reach Mining 99 got as reward a cart.

 

 

 

After the ceremony the cart's owner went to wilderness and there he got killed. The murderers didn't know that the cart was doomed and it killed the murderers back saving all the drops, but the owner of the cart never came back. The cart got old: it saw the years run away.

 

 

 

One day the cart saw players like the ones that killed cart's owner. The cart moved itself to kill the players making any sound. It tried to kill them without noise but there were a lot of boulders on the way. For evade the boulders it used on itself a loudy enchantment for FLOAT. The sound of a scream impacting to the hell cart was the last sound heard on that place: a scream, a noise, of those that had not chance of run away.

 

 

 

Our tale says that the cart is still waiting for its owner with its important loot. Because that people adds to the tale saying that its hidden on dwarven mines, and when a miner is alone next to it the cart comes to life.

 

 

 

Second Part?

[Cafebcs]

>>> UPDATE TO TOPIC <<<

 

 

 

Ty for your comments :)

[Fist_of_ozzy]

This is pretty common in the library.

 

 

 

Where to start?

 

 

 

First off, Actual names help alot

 

 

 

skiller

 

 

 

level 3

 

 

 

The pkers

 

 

 

You see what I mean? Using names like these make the story seem dull and boring. Creativity is what the Varrok library is all about.

 

 

 

Secondly, You should work on imagery more.

 

 

 

at wilderness's runite ore spot

 

 

 

Not too much detail on that one either.

 

 

 

Thirdly, There's alot of confusion.

 

 

 

One day the cart saw humans near its sacred place wielding ancients

 

 

 

That really doesn't make any sense. Try Anceint-Magicks.

 

 

 

For evade the rocks the hell cart used a loudy enchantment and FLOATED.

 

 

 

 

 

I only saw about four comma's in your whole entire story. Comma's reduce the sense of your story looking like a huge blob.

 

 

 

People adds to the tale saying that the cart is the one most near of the mining guild

 

 

 

What? That doesn't make any sense! :?

 

 

 

 

 

Overall: 2/10

[llamster]

^ +1, this story is not imaginative at all.

[jenrique]

I completely agree. It sounds like you put the whole thing through a translator.

 

 

 

2/10

 

 

 

1 for effort.

 

1 just because I pity you.

[archimage_a]

Come off it, its not that bad. Ok its not the most well thought out thing ever but serouisly it is at least as creative as my first peice of writing.

 

 

 

Cafebcs sorry if this offends you, please feel free to pm me and tell me to take it down if you want

 

 

 

 

 

A Hell Cart

 

 

 

Many years ago, in the time before the Wizards of the Blue Robe extending their reach to the lands of Varock and Faldor, there was a young man. He was a miner, by trade, who travelled the land so vastly that on the day that he became the ultimate miner; more knowladgable than any other, able to take gems from any rock, he got a cart. It was a powerful cart, it held as much as a bank and could even attack people who attacked it's master.

 

 

 

The miner, flushed by his success, went far into the north, so far that he went beyond the map. It was there that he found the cliff...Rising like...well a cliff that came out of the mist on a beach, but this cliff streched across the land. A wall of raw earth and nature. The miner swung his pick. It put a crack in it. He swung again and again. The cliff held strong all around him but right in front of him a blue, a light blue, vein showed itself. He swung once more, chipping away a lump of the metal. His pick crumpled as he struck it again. He turned to his cart, placing his coveted prize inside it.

 

 

 

He began back, to civalisation, but before he reached it he was ambushed. He was only a miner and could not defend himself greatly, but the cart could. It reared up and thundered down the attackers, they cast all there spells at it but they bounced off it, reflected back to their owners, who's faces contorted as the savage attacks ripped though their robes and metal plates. That was of course all accept one. Her spell flew straight and true, it arched in the sky and then bent back, guided by the stange new metal. The two touched and in that split second the cart fell silent. There was a blinding flash. A shard of the metal flew though the air, landing infront of the lone miner. He watched the cart as it cut though the girl. She, like all the others now lay bathed in blood.

 

 

 

The cart seems to glow light blue, it seemed to look somehow wrong. When our lead character tried to pull the cart again it shot out flame at him, the shard flew though the air, absorbing the attack and then circling the miner like a guardian angel. The cart seemed to snort, turn and trundle off into the wildness of the northen lands. The miner arrived back in Varrock, dejected after the loss of his cart and of the new metal. He was vowing that he would return with the guardian when something happened. The guardian broke in two, one continued to fly around him while the other lay on the ground, they were both the size of the first one. He picked the new shard up and got a final idea.

 

 

 

Well what can I say? You all know the rest, or were you sleeping though your History classes, hmmm?

 

The cart...its vast power was not to be tested, so he drove the shard down into the ground as a marker to it. 'Come this far and no futher' and thats what happened. Years passed and the miner died, his guardian, having multiplied many times to form a defence around Varrock and the Freelands shattered. But those others remain. A strange metal that holds back the cart. You know it as rune and as a powerful armour and that in the end is what killed the cart. Adventuers, seeking treasure and more rune slew it...But as we went futher and futher north we found that it had cut the lands off completly, water now seperated the rune cliff from us.

 

 

 

So that we may never again destroy the uneasy peace that we have with Nature...

[Cafebcs]

>>> UPDATE TO TOPIC <<<

 

 

 

Updated first post. Ty for the awesome text =)