Airshaman Posted November 29, 2007 Share Posted November 29, 2007 Taking Death itself by the throat is not what any man would have normally done, the pain that coursed through his nerves threatened to to ruin his focus, but still he held on, determined to finish his destiny before his time ran out. And Death looked at him and whispered softly, with such intensity, "Fool." His eyes gleamed red, and Nathanos' vision went blurry and white, the sensation of falling entered the pit of his stomach before him he felt something leave him, like a ghost, a gust of wind, dragged from his very essence. With a thud he hit the ground, and wondered why he had landed in a grassy area, where a child played with a ball, something was wrong. --------------- I'm new to this, someone tell me if its any good? :) thankyou! By Kingcomet =) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jedidude77 Posted November 29, 2007 Share Posted November 29, 2007 wow, pretty deep, i like the intensity, but the "motor functions" part threw me off for a second, not bad 6.5/10 There's no such thing as "wireless." Just really long extension cords. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Airshaman Posted November 29, 2007 Author Share Posted November 29, 2007 ah too true about the motor functions...couldnt think wt else to put...haha EDIT: there changed to focus lol. By Kingcomet =) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Airshaman Posted November 29, 2007 Author Share Posted November 29, 2007 ~Part 2~ The child continued to play with the ball, seemingly oblivious to Nathanos, he stood up, gazed wearily around where he was, a park, where the wind blew softly against his face. He approached the child curiously, and still the child seemed to ignore him. He spoke, yet he found his voice constricted, no sound could pass his lips. He reached out to touch the child, and as he placed his hand on the shoulder, his hand fell through the clothes, the very flesh of the boy, no ability to touch. Something was very wrong, it was as if he had ceased to exist, yet here he was, he could feel the life in him. He looked around for some explanation of this phenomenon, yet none came, he panicked, an emotion he had not felt for many a year. He tried to remember how he had got here, what he was doing before, but the memories floated away on the cool breeze. Nathanos screamed in fury, a long drawn out but silent scream. Nothing or no-one could hear him, he was stuck. The child turned and Nathanos saw it's eyes, beautifully sapphire blue, the sapphire blue he had seen before. His eyes. By Kingcomet =) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
llamster Posted November 30, 2007 Share Posted November 30, 2007 Lots of run-on sentences. Otherwise, pretty good. Ah, this reminds me about the noob on the Runescape forums who was upset with the quest "Cold War" because apparently his grandparents died in the war. :wall: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Airshaman Posted November 30, 2007 Author Share Posted November 30, 2007 Yea, sorry bout that, im a bit new to this story stuff, but i have lots of ideas :D By Kingcomet =) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Airshaman Posted November 30, 2007 Author Share Posted November 30, 2007 ~Part 3~ Astounded at his realisation Nathanos froze, he was staring into the eyes of his younger self, his innocence, before he knew the taste of blood, the evil he had been against, the assasin's life. He drew his Schism blades and re-read the inscription on them, "ÃÆÃ By Kingcomet =) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corneliaposh Posted November 30, 2007 Share Posted November 30, 2007 Very good m8 its actually quite interesting!! :mrgreen: :thumbsup: =D> ~Corneliaposh~Rules~I~Am~So~Modest~ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Airshaman Posted November 30, 2007 Author Share Posted November 30, 2007 Cheers bro, oi go on clan forums :) im on it now lol By Kingcomet =) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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