Safety

[kaosmerchant]

A quick essay I wrote for my lit class, thought I'd share it with you. "The Giver" is a great Utopian idea based book by Lois Lowry, definetly worth reading.

 

 

 

Safe Writing

 

 

 

ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¦Ã¢â¬ÅA ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for.ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬ÃâÃ

[Zonorhc]

Excessive use of personal pronouns. Avoid using contracted words. Avoid using exclamation marks unless absolutely necessary. Don't use quotes without analysis of their content, and avoid ending an essay with a quote at all costs. You have no introduction or conclusion.

 

 

 

Never, ever say "In my opinion" in an essay. It makes you sound like you're trying to excuse yourself to the reader. Instead of saying "In my opinion, X is Y because Z," you should say, "X is Y because of Z."

 

 

 

This sounds like introspection, not an essay. Strengthen your argument and don't make claims like "There are thousands of people that say that shooting games, and games involving illegal activities are bad for children's minds, and that we are more likely to do these things when we are older if we play them" unless you can provide the reader with a citation.

[Xewleer]

Excessive use of personal pronouns. Avoid using contracted words. Avoid using exclamation marks unless absolutely necessary. Don't use quotes without analysis of their content, and avoid ending an essay with a quote at all costs. You have no introduction or conclusion.

 

 

 

Never, ever say "In my opinion" in an essay. It makes you sound like you're trying to excuse yourself to the reader. Instead of saying "In my opinion, X is Y because Z," you should say, "X is Y because of Z."

 

 

 

This sounds like introspection, not an essay. Strengthen your argument and don't make claims like "There are thousands of people that say that shooting games, and games involving illegal activities are bad for children's minds, and that we are more likely to do these things when we are older if we play them" unless you can provide the reader with a citation.

 

 

 

AND you need to separate your paragraphs with a space.

 

 

 

I'm not a very deep reader, but I think you're wrong too... but that's just my opinion.

[kaosmerchant]

@ Xewleer

 

It did that when I copied and pasted. Don't worry, I'm not that bad.

 

 

 

@both of you

 

Thank you very much for your feedback. I guess I shouldn't have called it an essay, it's more of a review/discussion kind of thing. I'll make revisions as to what you said.

 

 

 

This is a really small homework grade for an advanced literature class. I'm in 8th grade.

 

 

 

Again, thank you very much for the thoughts, I'll definitely use this advice in future writings

[amitoz]

Excessive use of personal pronouns. Avoid using contracted words. Avoid using exclamation marks unless absolutely necessary. Don't use quotes without analysis of their content, and avoid ending an essay with a quote at all costs. You have no introduction or conclusion.

 

 

 

Never, ever say "In my opinion" in an essay. It makes you sound like you're trying to excuse yourself to the reader. Instead of saying "In my opinion, X is Y because Z," you should say, "X is Y because of Z."

 

 

 

This sounds like introspection, not an essay. Strengthen your argument and don't make claims like "There are thousands of people that say that shooting games, and games involving illegal activities are bad for children's minds, and that we are more likely to do these things when we are older if we play them" unless you can provide the reader with a citation.

 

 

 

AND you need to separate your paragraphs with a space.

 

 

 

I'm not a very deep reader, but I think you're wrong too... but that's just my opinion.

 

 

 

Hey hey, go easy, I think it was very well written.

[kaosmerchant]

 

 

 

Hey hey, go easy, I think it was very well written.

 

 

 

thank you very much :D