mr_freddie Posted December 13, 2007 Share Posted December 13, 2007 I have an idea for a story ( and intend to write it ) ==== Part one : The begining The land had flourished for quite some time , oh grand gelinor how fair thy had become . The era of a benevolent and loving king had just begun , granting his people many chances for riches and glory . Men and women clad in the finest hand smithed runite , even young aspiring knights who had just sharpened their first blade of bronze were welcomed . It seemed far too perfect to be true , somewhere deep in the mountains plottimg was afoot . '' Curse that fool Moric where could he be " The dark prince sat in his throne looking rather annoyed at his groups recent failures , " I have the finest mages and archers in the land why can I not take over a simple kingdom " . He shouted looking down onto the large group with one of his best missing , after a long eerie quiet a man with lengthy blue hair stepped into the room awnsering him . Moric Kembool age unknown the height and sheer mass of an ork , bellowed " perhaps we should not attack for awhile " . The dark one looked down angrily " what would that prove " , The gargantuan man chuckled " i have found a beast able to put those foolish knights to rest " . His dark eyes narrowed " but it will take time for me to tame it " , his lord smirked under his blackened helm with its golden plume " very well my old servant do what you must " . The taller but still much younger Moric nodded quietly " soon enough my lord the whole world will know the name and know it well the grand lord of chaos .. the king black dragon " ( part 2 comming soon ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harakiri Posted December 13, 2007 Share Posted December 13, 2007 I cannot say it was good or bad because quite frankly it was way to short to determine anything. If it were longer I could have probably gotten some kind of rating but I have to see more before I can say anything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mr_freddie Posted December 13, 2007 Author Share Posted December 13, 2007 usualy thats one of my more praised qualities but i will try to have part 2 up soon and it will be longer shorter segmants are easier for me to write and to read but like i said i shall indeed try .. more soon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zonorhc Posted December 13, 2007 Share Posted December 13, 2007 You shouldn't put a space in front of punctuation marks. Also, you need to start a new paragraph every time a different character speaks. Varrock Library: Shattered Sky | Silent Thunder | The Emperor's FinestAstri @ MythWeavers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
llamster Posted December 14, 2007 Share Posted December 14, 2007 Cheesy. That's all I have to say. Ah, this reminds me about the noob on the Runescape forums who was upset with the quest "Cold War" because apparently his grandparents died in the war. :wall: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nine naked men Posted December 14, 2007 Share Posted December 14, 2007 Very cliched. Dark Prince and all that, you know? Kind of worn out. sleep like dead men wake up like dead men Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mr_freddie Posted December 27, 2007 Author Share Posted December 27, 2007 meh forget it i guess noone wants to read my stuff ere ( back to writing what im used to ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unoalexi Posted December 27, 2007 Share Posted December 27, 2007 meh forget it i guess noone wants to read my stuff ere ( back to writing what im used to ) It's not that we don't want to read it, we're just giving you suggestions for improving it.. Here be dragons ^ Dragon of the Day Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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