I have an idea for a story ( and intend to write it )

 

 

 

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Part one : The begining

 

 

 

 

 

The land had flourished for quite some time , oh grand gelinor how fair thy had become . The era of a benevolent and loving king had just begun , granting his people many chances for riches and glory . Men and women clad in the finest hand smithed runite , even young aspiring knights who had just sharpened their first blade of bronze were welcomed . It seemed far too perfect to be true , somewhere deep in the

 

mountains plottimg was afoot .

 

 

 

'' Curse that fool Moric where could he be "

 

 

 

The dark prince sat in his throne looking rather annoyed at his groups recent failures , " I have the finest mages and archers in the land why can I not take over a simple kingdom " . He shouted looking down onto the large group with one of his best missing , after a long eerie quiet a man with lengthy blue hair stepped into the room awnsering him . Moric Kembool age unknown the height and sheer mass of an ork , bellowed " perhaps we should not attack for awhile " . The dark one looked down angrily " what would that prove " , The gargantuan man chuckled " i have found a beast able to put those foolish knights to rest " . His dark eyes narrowed " but it will take time for me to tame it " , his lord smirked under his blackened helm with its golden plume " very well my old servant do what you must " . The taller but still much younger Moric nodded quietly " soon enough my lord the whole world will know the name and know it well the grand lord of chaos .. the king black dragon "

 

 

 

( part 2 comming soon )

I cannot say it was good or bad because quite frankly it was way to short to determine anything. If it were longer I could have probably gotten some kind of rating but I have to see more before I can say anything.

usualy thats one of my more praised qualities but i will try to have part 2 up soon and it will be longer

 

 

 

shorter segmants are easier for me to write and to read but like i said i shall indeed try .. more soon

You shouldn't put a space in front of punctuation marks.

 

 

 

Also, you need to start a new paragraph every time a different character speaks.

Cheesy.

 

 

 

That's all I have to say.

Very cliched. Dark Prince and all that, you know? Kind of worn out.

meh forget it i guess noone wants to read my stuff ere ( back to writing what im used to )

meh forget it i guess noone wants to read my stuff ere ( back to writing what im used to )

 

 

 

It's not that we don't want to read it, we're just giving you suggestions for improving it..