Delete

[Peele]

Alright, im gona do more before i post from now on... less mistakes :P

[Xewleer]

sounds too much like a hybrid of a newspaper and history book

[archimage_a]

Lol what an odd evaluation of a story.

 

Lets see, Xewleer is prettyaccurate there, it doesn't really sound like a story as much as a summery of what has happened, ok its an introduction but its pretty hard to grip someone with that, so you are likely to ensure very few will read it after the first post...

 

 

 

Other than that it sounds alot like random chaos with just everyone attacking everyone, which just isn't likely to happen...although you probably have a good reason there too.

[llamster]

That means the Fifth Age was pretty short, then. I've always believed that the Sixth Age shouldn't begin until dwarves colonize the moon.

 

 

 

Okay, then. Any story that mentions Tutorial Island anywhere should involve the actual game RuneScape (as in someone in the story is playing the game or something). How could the Kandarin troops attack Misthalin without entering Asgarnian territory (and why would every single person in the region march to war)? And you mentioned the alliance between men, dwarves, and elves being broken in the first paragraph, but the rest of the chapter is entirely about humans, without anything about the dwarves and elves.

 

 

 

I'm assuming that this isn't a comedy, so cheesiness is not acceptable.

[Peele]

Mmmkay, ill tidy it up, thanks for the recognition of my crappy mistake XD