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The Roks Rule CHAPTER ONE NOW UP!


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21 replies to this topic

#1
Hawks
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Thanks to the lovely feedback I decided to rewrite this, please look down a few posts for the beginning!!! And this time it's all written by me... Also check my DevArt for character pics and bios!!!

#2
Xewleer
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simplistic. I'm surprised that the parents aren't even fazed by the fact that their children (and child's friend) are destined to save the world. I mean, I'd be like "WHOA THERE! Mystical rocks of magic do not belong to children. Give them here!"



Secondly, everyone's just accepting fate. The Children say they are excited, but they aren't written that way.



Simplistic to it's completion. Details, and other things would be really nice to have. what do the children look like? Why are their parents the way they are? why does the youngest have his personal library with ancient books of prophecy?!?! I sure don't have any in mine! Well... except for one or two Bibles... but still!



yeah. Not a bad idea at all! Don't get me wrong, I like the plot! But here is how you can understand my meaning.



You get this steak, it's an awesome steak, but you gotta cook it right (plot) that done, now you have to add spices (character details) a side dish (details on the lands etc.) and then you've got to get the right drink to finish it. (personality.)



got it memorized?
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#3
Hawks
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Yes, you are right... But usually, my stories have ABSOLUTELY no plot. This one does to an extent. And it does get better in the next chapter/book/story.



Plus I did a ton of art for it so we kind of skimped on the description bit.



Thanks though, Xe!



btw, when my mom first read it she said that too. (bit about parents aren't fazed)



So I think it's due for a detail re-write, which I think I can do.

#4
Bluejayfan94
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You get this steak, it's an awesome steak, but you gotta cook it right (plot) that done, now you have to add spices (character details) a side dish (details on the lands etc.) and then you've got to get the right drink to finish it. (personality.)






Mmm, Steak

#5
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You get this steak, it's an awesome steak, but you gotta cook it right (plot) that done, now you have to add spices (character details) a side dish (details on the lands etc.) and then you've got to get the right drink to finish it. (personality.)






Mmm, Steak




GET YOUR GRUBBY HANDS OFF MEH STEAK FOUL BEAST!



Mmm, steak...And fries...OMG I forgot the fourth of July, thank God for the Americans signing that document or else I wouldn't be able to eat yummy foods.



Ahem, anyway, like Xewleer said. Make it dramatic. Like the kids are gonna leave, and the adults intervene, and they kill them, and they turn into evil demons...



Sorry, Stephen King took over writing the post while I went to go get a snack. :P



Honestly, drama does make everything better, and make the adults total jackturds, that way the kids will have to convince them, and a little expression never hurt. This has great potential otherwise.
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#6
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Why do the adults have to be incompetent? I mean, I don't many (if any really) truly incompetent adults. I mean...



Supposedly there are super teenage crackers (Hackers to lay-folk) that can run rings around adults. But my dad has high level FBI clearance from his job practically running the entirety of Webster Universities network to screw those 'super-crackers' over 5 times to Hell and back. I kid you not.



Mom's awesome, she's got a British accent and cooks awesomely.



My Grandfather (British, Mom) avoided the British draft during WW2 by being SMART.



Grandma (Dad's side) Was the head secretary for a CEO. In her old age!



My druggie uncle is the best cook I've ever known.



My dad runs a software company. His employee (they're doing beta testing and what-not for stuff I can't talk about) was on the team that designed the fathers of the computer chips YOU ARE USING RIGHT NOW.



I can go on if you want. Those are just my closest family/friends. I also know a guy who can influence the Anhueser busch deal, he's 80ish.



I'm not lying (maybe exaggerating) but they can do all the things I just told you.



Most of them are at least 50!



Gah! There are very few incompetent adults! MOST CHILDREN AND TEENAGERS LIKE YOU AND ME ARE THE INCOMPETENT ONES!!!!!!



Important!!^^^





Sorry. But I hate it when adults are characterized as idiots. It's stupid. And I'm 18.
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#7
sephiroth_king
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Why do the adults have to be incompetent? I mean, I don't many (if any really) truly incompetent adults. I mean...



Supposedly there are super teenage crackers (Hackers to lay-folk) that can run rings around adults. But my dad has high level FBI clearance from his job practically running the entirety of Webster Universities network to screw those 'super-crackers' over 5 times to Hell and back. I kid you not.



Mom's awesome, she's got a British accent and cooks awesomely.



My Grandfather (British, Mom) avoided the British draft during WW2 by being SMART.



Grandma (Dad's side) Was the head secretary for a CEO. In her old age!



My druggie uncle is the best cook I've ever known.



My dad runs a software company. His employee (they're doing beta testing and what-not for stuff I can't talk about) was on the team that designed the fathers of the computer chips YOU ARE USING RIGHT NOW.



I can go on if you want. Those are just my closest family/friends. I also know a guy who can influence the Anhueser busch deal, he's 80ish.



I'm not lying (maybe exaggerating) but they can do all the things I just told you.



Most of them are at least 50!



Gah! There are very few incompetent adults! MOST CHILDREN AND TEENAGERS LIKE YOU AND ME ARE THE INCOMPETENT ONES!!!!!!



Important!!^^^





Sorry. But I hate it when adults are characterized as idiots. It's stupid. And I'm 18.




Bleh! There were/are many incompetent adults! Like Hitler...And Mussolini...And Castro...And Clinton...And Clinton...



But even I know there are many wisdom filled adults, and love them all. I can say I love my entire family, including those in Italy.



My friends older brother can hack computers with ease, while his dad works for the Second Life MMO company and programs computers.



My father can speak German because he lived there for a little while. My mom is wicked smart and cooks amazingly.



My grandparents on my dads side are rich and retired in Florida.



My Grandparents on my Mum's side, although deceased, were extremely smart and rich. My grandfather was a professional Baseball player, got there from working hard and being SMART, and I actually never met my Grandmother because she died when my mum was twelve, however, all my aunts said she was brilliant.



One of my uncle's actually works for the White House, and he's a genius, LITERALLY. As part of the law firm there, he must be.



I to can go on if you want. I respect and love all of my family, alive or deceased, so don't count me out at all. I'm 16, and I have the utmost respect for all of my adult friends/relatives.



It's just, sometimes, Adults are just...Idiots. Not all, just some. Like from the swinger generation. And you know something? Sometimes adults can't be full of wisdom, sometimes they lack something, and when you weld that into a story it can work. Although I agree, I don't like when adults are portrayed stupidly, as most of my stories the people are adults, but sometimes...Change is needed. Soon, there will be even dumber adults from the 20 year olds of this generation--not all, the ones who have huge egos and don't wanna work.



And you know something else? Most children like us are incompetent because some of this generation of kids are lazy, good for nothing, sex-a-holic drug addicted slobs. It's because of these 20 year olds who are lazy and don't wanna work and think they can earn one million dollars without school. We'd be more respected and less incompetent if these people would grow the hell up. Alas, There are the good and the bad. Which will you be is the question.
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#8
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too true. I know a guy who keeps trying to get laid. I treat him like scum. (he has yet to succeed)



I think we're on the same page. Though it should be noted that Mussolini and Hitler were competent in their own ways, (Hitler was a brilliant speech writer and giver. also, he was able to turn Germany around) (Mussolini was able to 'free' Italy from it's government and, like Hitler, did a lot of good things for it) but horrible generals.



Clintons were competent, but once Bill got into the White House... Ugh... Mrs. Clinton would actually be better than Obama for a Democratic choice.



Now... You see it's not that all adults are 100% competent or something, just that they all have skills...



ah who gives a rip



we're on the same page.



Hey, have you read Honor yet? Leave a comment...
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#9
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too true. I know a guy who keeps trying to get laid. I treat him like scum. (he has yet to succeed)



I think we're on the same page. Though it should be noted that Mussolini and Hitler were competent in their own ways, (Hitler was a brilliant speech writer and giver. also, he was able to turn Germany around) (Mussolini was able to 'free' Italy from it's government and, like Hitler, did a lot of good things for it) but horrible generals.



Clintons were competent, but once Bill got into the White House... Ugh... Mrs. Clinton would actually be better than Obama for a Democratic choice.



Now... You see it's not that all adults are 100% competent or something, just that they all have skills...



ah who gives a rip



we're on the same page.



Hey, have you read Honor yet? Leave a comment...




Indeed, to everything you said. We're definately on the same page. Now, if we can only get Bluejay on the same page...
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#10
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How does this go from a story to a discussion about stupid adults?...



You're supposed to comment on the story. :D

#11
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How does this go from a story to a discussion about stupid adults?...



You're supposed to comment on the story. :D




I don't know, but I learned that if I be mean to Xewleer (I will never), he will tell his dad, and then my nice new computer will die...

AND, I learned that they both have cooler families... The coolest thing I have is an Electrician and a person who keeps phone lines maintained in Ottawa.

#12
Hawks
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Hmm... My dad is a software developer for Alticor... and my mom used to work for Motorola... They didn't make cell phones then though they made pagers... And they chucked them at walls and flushed them down toliets to make sure they could take a beating.

#13
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Hmm... My dad is a software developer for Alticor... and my mom used to work for Motorola... They didn't make cell phones then though they made pagers... And they chucked them at walls and flushed them down toliets to make sure they could take a beating.




Now, I want that job! I broke my Xbox Headset today, and I learned that it could be just snapped together and fixed... as long as the wires weren't damaged :D



That move saved me $40

#14
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Most things like that can be fixed very easily and then you get mad when you pay $50 to get a new one and your brother fixes it with duct tape.

#15
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Most things like that can be fixed very easily and then you get mad when you pay $50 to get a new one and your brother fixes it with duct tape.




Uh, don't give my brother Duct Tape... He's three. And, the head set just had to get snapped back together, though I still want a new wireless headset.

#16
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WOOT INTRODUCTION! Yes I know it's short but it's decent! Yay!



In the year 3600, the earth was invaded in a way unlike any other. A series of magic objects fell to the surface in groups of twos and threes. The ‘technology’ of the objects was so far ahead of anything the humans had ever seen, there was but one name for it. Magic.



The humans named the objects roks, and although many an English teacher complained, the name stuck. Kids dreamed of finding a rok and becoming a mage, and having the times of medieval Europe and feudal Japan come back to life with the magic of the roks.



Of course the humans still developed their magic, technology. The roks even helped in that area, for they unlocked areas of users’ minds that housed information hidden for centuries, unused since da Vinci’s time.



With their technology, they discovered ways to live on the moon. The humans now live on the planet called Mars as well. Other galaxies were discovered, and a way to travel quickly between them, the Infinity Rok Drive, was invented by a mage named Wi Zool.



While the humans may be peaceful, there are others who are not. One of the many galaxies is the one called Mandor by the people of Earth. There lives an evil queen who holds her people in thrall and fights for universal domination, but she is known only as the Witch of Mandor.



Since the roks were discovered, schools were created to teach those who were deemed worthy to master the rok. The teachers there were called Master Mages. People who only used the roks’ magic were simply mages.



By the time our story takes place, in the year 4200, a legend has surfaced, something to the effect that an evil will try to take over Earth, and only the three destined Rok Masters can stop it. They must be trained by the best of the best to even have a chance at destroying the evil.

#17
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|Chapter One|



Aboard the Rok1, a Rok Cruiser Class starship in the ownership of the Merlin School of Roks, four Master Mages are lounging about…



“But you’re not supposed to leave the controls! This ship is a piece of junk! If you do that you’re going to get us all killed!” Koal yelled at the other mage, a man named Wi Zool, who was about 30 but had white hair due to being an air Master.



“It’s on autopilot,” Wi replied calmly.



“The autopilot is the worst part of this whole stupid ship!”



“It’s our best hope to find new Roks,” Wi said again, slightly annoyed now.



You see, the Mages knew of the prophecy and believed it, because they had also heard of the Witch of Mandor. They felt the witch could do no good being close to Earth, which she was. The main order of mages, Merlin’s Knights, was constantly on the lookout for her, as well as more roks. As it just so happens, all four mages on board the Rok1 were Merlin’s Knights.





Three friends had been kicked off of their Mage World games and sent outside by their parents… So with nothing else to do, they wandered around Alex and Zach’s backyard, which wasn’t really that big; it used to be a large farm but had been split up into smaller parcels.



“It must be cool to have a mom who makes armor and a dad who is a jeweler. You guys must get so much cool stuff.” said Mike, a 14-year-old who was friends with Alex.



“Not really…” said Alex, “They only give us stuff that’s really messed up or that the people ended up not wanting,”



Zach, Alex’s younger brother by two years, nodded in agreement.



“Do you ever get to test computer games?” Alex asked.



“Sometime when my mom is working on one, but my dad never lets me play them.” Mike replied.



“What the heck was that?” Zach yelled, pointing at a large thing that had, apparently, just fallen from the sky and landed in their backyard.



“Huh?” Alex turned in the direction Zach pointed and saw a slightly smoking hole. They ran to it, and inside they found a trio of shiny stones.



“Are these really…?” Mike gasped.



“They sure look like it!” Alex yelled.



Zach pulled the silvery white stone from the hole, cradling it in his hand gently. He looked at it but could find no distinguishing marks. Alex followed, finding the onyx colored rock and examining it. Mike reached into the hole and withdrew a fiery reddish-orange stone.



“What should we do, Alex?” Zach asked.



“Why ask me?” Alex freaked out.



“You’re oldest!”



“Okay… Um… First, don’t show them to anybody. Secondly, I guess we find a mage school place I think…”



“But we don’t even know if these are real!” Mike exclaimed.



“We can’t show them to my dad… He’ll take them away.”



“Would your mom…”



“I don’t think so. She’d freak.”



“Ergh. When in doubt… Go to the library?” Alex suggested.



“Why not?”



After they pocketed the rocks, they went inside and Alex grabbed some paper and his backpack.



“We’re going to the library, Mom!” he called.



At the library, Alex sent Mike to the non-fiction section to look for books about roks. Alex looked through the online catalog for more information, and Zach looked for the newest Mage World novel. Mike searched through the shelves and found a few beat-up books about roks. He took them up to the desk and checked them out.



“You have a fine of sixty cents. Do you want to pay it now?” the librarian asked Mike.



“Sure,” he said as he dug a few quarters out of his pocket, paid the fine, the walked to the computer where Alex was.



“I got these. The History of Roks by some dead guy, Roks: A Comprehensive Guide, and this really old, nasty, smelly book.” Mike said, showing the books to Alex.



Alex printed out a page of information and logged off the computer, then saw Zach at the desk, checking out as well… Although he had a stack of Mage World books a foot high.



“There is no way you haven’t read all those six times and that we don’t have them all.”



“But you’re wrong. We never bothered to buy the original guide and we haven’t gotten the newest one yet. They said that somebody dies in it!”



“Meh. Let’s go to Mike’s house ‘cause his mom and dad aren’t there to bother us.” Alex said.



So they walked to Mike’s house, and Alex called his mom and said they were at Mike’s and they were going to eat lunch there. He dropped his backpack on the table and pulled out a notebook and a pen, then cracked open The History of Roks. Zach devoured Raden’s Songbook, the newest Mage World book, then rummaged through Alex’s backpack until he found his Nintendo SX and popped in Mage World: Raden’s Quest.



“Look at this! A prophecy… In this nasty old book!” Alex said, copying the words down into his notebook.



Long from now, the Roks will be found.

Many will be mages’ but only three will be able to save the galaxy from the Evil of Mandor.

These three will be true Battle-Mages, with armor and helms, staves and swords.

They will collect the Robes of Merlin and the Staves of the Elements.

They will train with the Master Mages and defeat the Evils of Mandor.



“Maybe it means us!” Zach exclaimed.



“Sure, and your name is Joseph and you want more pudding.”



“What?” Mike said.



“Never mind. How are we going to tell if they’re real or not?”



“Two things come to mind. A mage school and your dad.”



“Dad’s out of the question. He can’t know or else he’ll freak out.”



“A mage school then?”



“I heard the order of Merlin or somebody believes in the prophecy. We should try to find them.”



Alex turned on Mike’s computer and looked up local mage orders.



“The Merlin one is Merlin’s Knights, and they have a school by Wal-Mart and the McDonald’s. They only take over-16s though… Do I look 16?”



“Not really,” Zach said, and Mike agreed.



“Too bad the prophecy doesn’t say anything about age.”



“Yeah, but it’s like always kids. Think about Star Wars… Lord of the Rings, Frodo’s not that old, Eragon, I dunno, Harry Potter. The kids always get stuck saving the world.”



“One problem… This is real life! Not a movie or a book!”



“Is there any place that takes kids?”



“Not close by… The nearest one is all the way in Cincinnati. But I’ve been reading about the Master Mages at the Merlin’s place and they seem nice enough.”



“Let’s go there tomorrow. There’s your mom’s car in the driveway. See you, Mike.” Alex said as he and Zach left and went home.





Aboard the Rok1, the mages are mostly asleep; Rio is staring down at the ground, out of the front window, wishing to be in his element. As he turns to go to his quarters, a soft beeping starts from the ship’s main computer.



“Somebody found some roks!!!” Rio yelled, waking the others up. He noticed the signal was coming from a small town called Telek, Ohio.



Balin, the fire mage, was up first. He gave the command to ready the transport speeders, Rok Sub 1 and 2, to the ship’s computer. Thirty minutes later, the mages were in the small, cramped, hangar.



“Let’s fly!” cried Wi, the Master of Air, as they lifted into the night sky towards Telek, Ohio.





“Zach! Wake up! Mom said she’d take us to the mage place but we have to get up now!”



“What? Huh?” Zach sat up groggily in bed.



“Come on! She’s leaving in twenty minutes! She has to go to the store and she said she’d drop us off there if we really wanted to go! I checked and they have a kid’s area but no classes!”



“What about Mike?”



“He’s here already!”



Zach rolled out of bed onto the floor and pulled himself up. He got dressed, putting on his favorite T-shirt, one with Raden from Mage Quest, and a pair of shorts.



They all got in the car and thanked Mrs. Gamouchi once again for taking them to the mage school. Alex, Mike, and Zach barreled out of the car once they got there and went into the kid’s area, which was full of Mage World paraphernalia, mostly the video games.





At the same time, the Rok Sub 1 and Rok Sub 2 touched down at the Dayton Spaceport.



“Greetings sir, how may I help you?” A welcome robot addressed Koal.



“We need to go to Telek. Can you get us a cab or whatever?”



“Certainly sir. Please follow me.” It said as it led the mages to a waiting area by the road. Soon enough a cab pulled up.



“We’d like to go to the Merlin School of Roks.”



“It’ll cost you some. That’s almost 50 miles.”



“Doesn’t matter. We’re going there.”



The cabbie was quiet and drove to Telek. It was uneventful, and took but an hour.



“Here you are.”



The mages paid and headed into the school.



“It’s here. I know it. I can feel it. There’s more than one. In that direction,” Koal said, pointing to the Children’s Area.



“Are you sure?” Rio asked.



“Yes. As sure as sure can be.”



“Which is how sure?” Rio grinned.



“Ergh. We need to find them.”



The mages ducked into the children’s area. Inside there were probably twenty kids, playing all sorts of games spun-off from the Mage World series; collectable card games, video games, even the board game. There was a wall bookshelf with a copy of every Mage World book categorized by storyline.



“That one.” Koal said, pointing to a tallish boy with shaggy purple hair, playing an immersion-video game. “It’s him. Maybe others too… Yes, that one as well… and perhaps him as well.” As he said this, he pointed to another boy, this one with white-blond hair, and then a shorter boy with bright red hair.



“Shall I?” Rio asked.



“Go ahead.”



Rio approached the taller boy, the one with purple hair. “Hello, my name is Rio Saxan. I’m a Master Mage here. Is there anything you’d like to tell me or ask me?”



Alex mumbled a bit of incomprehensible gibberish before stuttering, “May-maybe. I don’t know. We need help.”



“We?”



“My brother and my friend and me.”



“Hmm. Get them and come with me.”



“How can I trust you?”



“Well… Encai no an Rio kai shal. The promise of a Master Mage.”



“Zach, Mike, c’mon!” Alex called. They came over and Rio took them to a small training room where three other Mages sat in chairs around a large table.



“Let’s see them then. Go on,” Koal said.



Slowly, carefully, Alex pulled the rok from his pocket and set it on the table. Mike and Zach followed suit, so each had their rok in front of them.



“They’re definitely roks. But how do we know they were destined to have them?”



“How old are you guys anyway?” asked Balin.



“Mike and I are fourteen. Zach is twelve.”



“Who’s who?”



“Oops. I’m Alex, this is Mike, and this is Zach.”



“It can’t hurt to train them. They’ll get roks eventually.”



“You fear though. Something’s not going to work.” Rio replied to Koal.



“I know what’s not going to work. Our parents. Mom’s going to freak out, she never even lets us look at swords at the armory… Dad would ground us for life.”



“Well we’ll just have to make sure they don’t know,” Rio grinned.



“You can do that?!” Alex gasped, “I thought that was just a rumor!”



“No, it’s true. Master Mages have a lot of secrets.”



“Then if that’s settled, you’re going to need flight suits among other things. Do you have them?”



“Yeah, we’ve got flight suits.”



“Here’s a list then. Can you come back tomorrow?”



“I don’t think so,”



“We’ll get you then, at Alex and Zach’s house,”



“But our mom will be there!”



“Then go outside or something so she doesn’t see you.”



“We’ll be missed!”



“I can guarantee it won’t be so.”



“Mom’s supposed to pick us up in five minutes!” Alex yelled, “We’ll be ready tomorrow!” as the three boys hurried back to the kid’s play area. Soon Mrs. Gamouchi returned and took them home. Alex grabbed his backpack and stuffed everything on the list in it, and added some extras. Zach loaded his backpack… with food, and at Mike’s house, he packed his flight suit, leaving room for the others’ as well.



With nothing else to do, they read until dinnertime, then went to bed soon after.



In the morning, Mike came over and they put their flight suits in his bag. They went outside and stashed them in a tree. So far so good.



At around 11 o’clock, a red minivan pulled up to the curb. Rio stuck his head out of the passenger window and waved.



“How did you know?” asked Alex.



“Know what?”



“Mike’s mom drives a red minivan just like that! Let’s go, Mom’ll think it’s just Mike’s mom!”



They crammed themselves into the backseat of the van, which was one of those annoying evil bench seat things. They threw their bags in the back, while up front, Koal headed towards the highway, going to Dayton.



“We’re going to Jaroo, the mage training facility.” Rio told the boys.



“Cool! I’ve only ever been to Mars!!” Alex exclaimed.



“Wow! I’ve only been to the moon.” Mike said.



They reached the Dayton Spaceport and the mages showed the boys the Rok1. They hurried aboard and took off without a hitch.



“Computer, please set course for 401.320.127, Jaroo.” Wi told it.



“Certainly.” it replied.

#18
Bluejayfan94
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Bluejayfan94

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WOOT INTRODUCTION! Yes I know it's short but it's decent! Yay!



In the year 3600, the earth was invaded in a way unlike any other. A series of magic objects fell to the surface in groups of twos and threes. The ‘technology’ of the objects was so far ahead of anything the humans had ever seen, there was but one name for it. Magic.



The humans named the objects roks, and although many an English teacher complained, the name stuck. Kids dreamed of finding a rok and becoming a mage, and having the times of medieval Europe and feudal Japan come back to life with the magic of the roks.



Of course the humans still developed their magic, technology. The roks even helped in that area, for they unlocked areas of users’ minds that housed information hidden for centuries, unused since da Vinci’s time.



With their technology, they discovered ways to live on the moon. The humans now live on the planet called Mars as well. Other galaxies were discovered, and a way to travel quickly between them, the Infinity Rok Drive, was invented by a mage named Wi Zool.



While the humans may be peaceful, there are others who are not. One of the many galaxies is the one called Mandor by the people of Earth. There lives an evil queen who holds her people in thrall and fights for universal domination, but she is known only as the Witch of Mandor.



Since the roks were discovered, schools were created to teach those who were deemed worthy to master the rok. The teachers there were called Master Mages. People who only used the roks’ magic were simply mages.



By the time our story takes place, in the year 4200, a legend has surfaced, something to the effect that an evil will try to take over Earth, and only the three destined Rok Masters can stop it. They must be trained by the best of the best to even have a chance at destroying the evil.




This also reminds me of Mass Effect... The "Roks" being the Elements Zero released on Earth giving many Humans Biotic powers... I just had to say that, sorry.



Ok, and now on Topic, Since it reminds me of Mass Effect in a few ways, I am very interested in the story... Write more Please :D

#19
Hawks
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Hawks

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W00t! I'm working on it right now! Yay me!

#20
Bluejayfan94
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Bluejayfan94

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W00t! I'm working on it right now! Yay me!




Yay you! Have a pancake *gives pancake*




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