Cal'bk vs Wi'get

[armybuilder]

Trumpets blared on either side

 

TARUM BARDUM BADUM

 

Men letting loose their battle cries. Leaders issuing orders, Sir Tuomas in his shiny silver armour his crest of the phoenix resting on a dragons head on the shield which seemed to be projecting the crest across the ground. His visor was on his helmet was allowing the men closest to him to see his face, his blonde moustache covering up his top lip and his bright green eyes that seem to give you all the morale you needed for the fight at hand.

 

 

 

On the other side of the field the black banners of the forces of the gods Calbk his army strong with numerous rows of archers with their huge longbows, the ferocious axe men supporting dual handed axes and the emblem of Calbk on their chestplates stained black with the fires of hell. Their leader and head of the cult of Calbk was Shadow King Dacram his long black hair poking out from his helm, at war his visor was always down stopping the men from seeing his face and spreading terror into his enemies with the fear he had no face! Because many men said he took off his helm to no one and his armour was never taken off.

 

 

 

The biggest skirmish in the war between forces of good and the forces of evil the forces of Wihet and the forces of Calbk was about to begin. Both sides took up their positions , ranks tided up , Archers taking arrows out of their quiver and placing ready top be shot into the opposing sides ranks. The knights with their horses clad in armour spears held aloft ready to charge. The flags of each battalion held up high and proud with flags of red and black and white and blue. Then silence crept over the two sides. No one moved. No one blinked. Everyones heart although racing seemed to stop dead. Then a shout was heard and an arrow flew followed by hundred and hundreds of more. The battle had begun...

 

 

 

Men in white armour fell. Men in black armour fell. Arrows were still flying. They say that the arrows blocked out the sunlight and the battlefield went black. Then the arrows stopped. And the knights ploughed forwards from both sides of the field. A crash of white and black armour met in the middle of the field. Spears jabbing left right and centre. Men screaming war cries at each other, warriors falling from their horses and horses falling on top of the men. It was a bloody centre but the worse was yet to come.

 

 

 

In came the warriors from both sides that climbed over the carcasses of the dead. None of them even caring about the dead just pilling over this mound of horses and men alike. Swords glinted in the sunlight. Axes crashed into Shields, Flesh and bones. Warriors from both sides were dropping like flies. Then the real battle began. BOOM BOOM went two drums from the Calbks army and they all took of towards the middle. After a brief moment of confusion Sir Tuomas quickly revived his army from confusion and also charged towards the middle. The arrows started firing again.

 

 

 

The middle was a blood bath. Mounds of men, horses, arrows, swords, shields, axes, spears and helmets lay scattered about the ground. But the two sides never once stopped fighting. The carnage in the middle was still happening the two sides the same neither side seemed to be weakening and men still poured into the fight. When suddenly a huge man in black armour jumped on top of a mount with his horse. The Shadow King had arrived.

 

Dacram went through the ranks of white soliders slaying them on the spot without them having chance to raise their shields which even those lucky who did did to no avail. The chaos of the mans wrath seem to carry on for what seemed a age. White armoured men and horses were fleeing from the sight of him. No one could stand up to this mans ability in combat. Brave leaders of squads came to meet him in a challenge all failed to even come close to hitting him or his mount. Brave knights came to take up the challenge too charging with the spears which were just allowed to get close enough for him to cut the points off and leaving the knights to carry on to hit and then too late to realise that they had no tip. Then a light laugh was heard from behind him and a challenge was laid. Some man had laided down the gauntlet in challenge.

 

 

 

The Shadow king slowly turned around. Wondering which fool had thought about challenging him. He turned round to see the blonde beard of Sir Tuomas. Neither man was scared of the other. They both knew this would have happened eventually and they both knew that Dacram had the upper hand.

 

So you fool wish to challenge me? Chuckled Dacram

 

Yes I do replied Tuomas with no wavering in his voice and not only do I wish to challenge you but I shall kill you.

 

Hmpf no man can harm me I am far too strong. My strength is like a bull, the speed of my strike is like a adder, and my ability of handling a sword rivals even that of the gods said Dacram.

 

 

 

They both circled each other from a distance. Then the two men turned and charged at each other. Dacrams spear held high, twirling it around his head. Tuomass spear parallel to his white stallions neck beating it against it encourages it to go fasterSuddenly the Black horse Dacram rode leapt up and landed to the side of Tuomas. Dacram swung his spear with all his might at Tuomas, who swiftly brought up his spear in a block. After the initial strike a dozen bouts were fought with neither fighter giving way to the other.

 

 

 

Tuomas turned and started to flee! The Shadow king wasnt about to let him escape. After a couple of minutes of fleeing with the Dacram chasing Tuomas wheeled about and swiped towards the Shadow king who wasnt ready for this blow which connected and he fell of his horse.

 

 

 

The shadow king now on his feet was watching Tuomas on his horse ready for a time to strike. Although he was proficient with a spear on the ground trying to get him off with it was too hard and so rather than trying he threw his spear like a javelin and took out his legendary scimitar Black Serpent The sword it self was a beauty its said that it was forged by dwarves before this world began and fell to earth in a meteor which is now the Dacrams fortress. The sword was sharp enough to cut through a body as if it was thin air. Many warriors had been slain by this weapon and with Dacram holding it they both seemed like an unbeatable force.

 

 

 

Tuomas although was winning as he had the height advantage and speed as he had still not fallen from his horse was far from close to slaying his opponent. He had to be weary this scimitar was a beast and his horses armour would not stop it from being slain. He turned and fled again. Dacram not wanting to fall for this trick again, especially on foot which could be deadly, held his ground and watched the fleeing horsemen. But this time he was fleeing to get some distance after he got about 25 metres away he turned again and flung his spear towards his target the Shadow king. The Shadow king dived out of the way of the missile it just sailed past him no where near hitting him. He looked at the spear and laughed IS THIS ALL YOU CAN DO he roared COME FIGHT ME LIKE A MAN!

 

 

 

Tuomas still nervous about the fight on foot but was what he was planning anyway got down from his horse and removed his two swords from their scabbards Heaven and Earth said to have been made by the two greater forces of each of these areas. Both swords were extremely light but neither was weak in the slightest and could easily smash boulders where they stood if chosen too.

 

 

 

Both men slowly walked towards each other. Swords held aloft ready for the first attack or first defence. Both men were staring at each other. Circling each other like tigers stalking their prey. Dacram feinted an attack which nearly put Tuomas off guard but not off guard for long enough. Out of the blue Tuomas rolled towards the Shadow king who swiftly jumped backwards out of harms way. Tuomas as he was getting back to his feet after the hole swung his sword heaven to mount an offence on Dacram. And so hand-to-hand combat had begun. The two nimble swords of Tuomas looked like they were dancing as the attack began on the Shadow king. Stab after slash after stab after slash each one changing their striking point. But these attacks were easily parried by his opponent. Then Dacram mounted his offence. He swiped with his axe which was narrowly avoided by Tuomas ducking. The return swipe came which was hastily blocked by tuomas which he did with tremendous effort.

 

 

 

Tuomas was having a hard time the sheer weight and power of the man wielding the axe was far too strong for him to defend against and so resulted in him rolling around to get out of harms way. He needed to think of a way to get his opponent and fast as his axe was getting closer and closer to hitting there mark. Tuomas was wondering what to do when CRASH. The axe barely missed him Tuomas rolled but only turned round to see the axe was lodged in the ground. I think youre stuck said Tuomas to his enemy. There was no reply just a grunting of a mans desperation to pull his weapon from the ground. He edged in closer wearily knowing that at any moment he could pull the axe from the ground and strike him in the stomach. He was close now another metre and he would be within striking distance.. When suddenly the huge axe rose up into the air and was heading down straight for him. He jolted forwards he would have to kill now or be killed himself the axe started to come down. It seemed like an age went by, the axe coming down getting closer and closer. He was running towards the Shadow king getting close and closer. He then threw one of his swords. It hit Dacram square in the chest. Dacram looked down and saw the sword planted in his chest and realising that his end was here. He let go off his huge axe which fell to the floor with a thud. He toppled over on his back and laid their dead. Tuomas slowly walked up to the body grasped the hilt of his sword and pulled. It slid free of the hole it had just created in the body of its enemy. Tuomas replaced his swords back into their scabbards.

 

 

 

The battle was still raging on around them neither side looking at the battle between the two generals in the middle when their was a cry from the middle. Dacram is dead! Dacram is dead

 

Those who heard looked towards the middle and saw the body of the Shadow king on the floor dead. Those of his forces who saw immediately turned and fled the battlefield. Those who hadnt heard and those still fighting saw black armour running passed them and thinking that the signal of retreat ad regroup and begun to flee also but given this new boost of morale and seeing this great enemy dead on the floor charged down those fleeing.

 

 

 

They say after the Shadow king was dead. The biggest blood shed was ever seen, those with any brains fled, but many didnt know what was happening and were slaughtered by the oncoming forces of Sir Tuomas. Both sides had suffered great losses but it was worth it the forces of good had overcome the forces of evil.

 

 

 

So what happened then? asked Marcus

 

Ye, what happened to Tuomas? carried on Jukka.

 

Tuomas was offered the position of General and was given the power to rule but without being king, but Tuomas refused and disappeared and was never heard of again. replied the old man

 

Is he dead then? said Marcus

 

No one knows said the old man I personally think he isnt Ive heard tales on a old man wondering around these parts who tells tales of the battle and has two swords he always carries around with him he continued.

 

I wish I could talk to this man said Jukka standing up with a glowing on his face.

 

Hes probably just a hermit laughed Marcus.

 

 

 

Both boys left the old mans hut smiling and rein acting the fight between the two men with sticks. Back inside the man sat on his chair rocking smiling to himself. He stood up and pulled a rug off a table. On the table were two swords. And under that the shield he placed the rug over the shield and picked up the swords. He held them in his hands and swung them around cutting the air. He chuckled to himself and thought I still know a few tricks he replaced the swords and covered them up with the rug.

 

 

 

Years went by and Marcus and Jukka grew up. They still spoke to the old man every week but he was getting very old now and could barely walk. They both visited him on their 17 birthday (they were twins).

 

I have something to show you two he said and he took them over to the table at the back of the hut.

 

They both went over wondering what he was going to show them. He removed the rug and showed them the two swords and the shield which still projected the crest on its cover.

 

You cant be said Jukka

 

No way said Marcus confused with what he should think.

 

I am Sir Tuomas, Slayer of Shadow king Dacram said Tuomas and im dieing and so as with tradition in the Knights of the phoenix im am passing these two swords on to two twins and when you both die you must pass them both on to a single child and follow the traditions of the order

 

The two youths looked at each other and smiled. Both of them took to their knees and looked up at Tuomas his blonde beard no more instead a long white beard and hair that was long and wavy. He placed his hands on the twins shoulders and said take Heaven and passed one sword to Marcus and takes Earth and passed the other to Jukka

 

Now rise my two young knights, and prepare for the fight that is about too shock the world. The stories were true about my disappearance but I only disappeared from the government, I didnt disappear from the order. Evil is brewing. A new enemy is approaching. The peace in this land is nearly over; soon we will need two more champions to lead the battle. I have trained you without you knowing it all these years. You will be thinking why twins? The new enemy is a pair of twins too. Who go by the names of Sharan and Vanessa. Explained Tuomas now go and seek our forces in the city of Amaranth

 

 

 

And so the two men set off. They travelled for days. Through forest of thick green, Moors of brown, Swamps full of creatures that have no name. They fought bands of bandits who thought they were attacking two lonely men on the road. When finally they go to their destination the grand city of Amaranth its walls were made of Pink Quartz giving it its name the peach blossom city Once in side the city they made there way up the grand hill that went straight through the middle of the city. People stared as they came up the hill. Two men with swords at the hip with a Phoenix on a dragons head crest on each of their shoulders. One knight of the order is amazing to see these days But two! Walking side by side. It was truly a sight never been seen before.

 

 

 

The two men ignoring the attention carried on up the hill and were met by two men in Plate armour.

 

Welcome Sir Jukka and Sir Marcus to the city of Amaranth said the taller of the two men I am City guard captain Arnuld and this is the current leader of the armies who will be following you in battle keeping the armies in check General Troyus said Captain Arnuld.

 

Welcome said General Troyus in a deep voice. The two men took them to the quarters where they would both be staying and left them for the night. The next few days were full of planning for the battle which was going to happen soon they thought.

 

 

 

The two huntress (as the two female twins had named) in their fortress of Glenior built from the ruins of the Shadow kings old fortress had been planning what was too happen. The fortress had begun to gain in activity General Troyus scouts had been watching the city from afar. More and more people were going into the city and more smoke had been rising from its depths.

 

 

 

A week after the two Knights arrival the gates of the fortress opened. Hordes of men poured out of the gate like blood escaping from an open wound. Ranks of Jet black horsemen came out after the infantry there long spears pointed to the sky making any bird watching from above think their was a huge bed of nails walking across the ground. Next out came the two sisters Flanked by a dozen or so men carry an assortment of weaponry such as halberds to great swords and even a flail.

 

 

 

The Army of Amaranth came out of the city with their steel armour, reflecting the pink of the walls, the Knights, with their long spears. Infantry holding swords, shields, Pikes, Spears. The archers remained inside the city walls only to come out if they were out of range when the battle started. With the glow of pink that made the army look like they were under a magical aura.

 

 

 

The Two forces met near the city not far for the armies of Amaranth to go at all. These two armies each bigger than the last big battle of this kind.. Each side its two leaders came riding out in front of their armies encouraging them for the fight at hand.

 

Huge cheers came from the armys of Jukka and Marcus. Whilst horrific war cries, could be heard from Vanessa and Sharans army.

 

TARUM BARDUM BADUM

 

Went trumpets somewhere inside the city. A new fight between the forces of good and evil was about to start. Would the evil cult of Calbk continue to exist if they lost this war? Could the forces of Wihet be victorious once more and claim peace in the kingdom? Would the two sisters be slain by the two knights? It was all soon to be decided.

 

Unlike last time the forces of Wihet opened the fighting. Arrows were let lose from the bows hidden behind the city walls. But the cult didnt send back arrows. Instead from the midst of their ranks came enormous ballista bolts. Each bolts hit the walls of the city leaving the archers behind exposed, then the arrow volleys started. Men were falling dead from both sides. The sky was black with arrows. It was not a good sign for either army,

 

 

 

The whole Amaranth army marched forwards. Horsemen on the flanks, Infantry in the middle. The huntresss forces saw this and began to charge forward to meet the oncoming soliders. The infantry suddenly fell back leaving a gap where the enemy rushed into then the Horsemen swiftly moved into position around the back of the cult encircling them leaving them no escape. Surrounded the cult had no where to go they were all packed in like sardines in a tin barely room to swing a sword. All they could do now was defend and wait till they were killed.

 

Men through here screamed a female voice.

 

Vanessa had cut a opening through where the horses and infantry met on the left hand side of the circle, Men were now streaming out through this little gap and fleeing a short distance where Sharan was waiting regroup the soliders.

 

 

 

Even though they narrowly escaped, they did so with huge losses but they were still a fighting force to be reckoned with. Vanessa and Sharan rode up alone followed a short distance by their black guard but dropped behind after a 100m or so.

 

JUKKA screamed Vanessa

 

MARCUS Bellowed Sharan

 

Come out and fight us they both shouted in tandem.

 

We are here said two voices from the circle of men

 

The two figures of Marcus and Jukka came out from the crowd on foot with heaven and earth crossed over each other as a sign of being united. They both advanced in time and only when within 5 metres of the sister twins did they separate their swords to show that they were ready. The twins both put their hands on their backs and removed their Shakarams. A Shakaram is a circle that you can hold at one place and the rest of the circle is as sharp as a sword and your hands are protected by [bleep]es at either end of the hand hold. They were fast weapons allowing the user to move around their enemy as if in a dance They both somersaulted and stood at either end facing the two knights who were now stood back to back ready to defend.

 

 

 

The two knights not wishing to defend charged forwards at their own enemy , Jukka fought Sharan and Vanessa was fighting Marcus. Whilst charging forwards they both swung their blades in an upwards arc. These were both parried by the huntresses who then turned the Shakarams around and held the blade between the pair each of them wielded. Marcus pulled up wards and dislodged his sword and jumped back but Jukka was stuck fast. He pulled with all his might but he couldnt move his sword.

 

help cried Jukka

 

Marcus seeing his brother stuck ran over towards him but seeing herself out numbered Sharan released Jukka. Now it was the womens turn to fight Both of them leapt across the ground to each other. Then stood next to each other and started a rhythmic dance that mainly involved circles. Each rotation was got faster. Then they both moved towards the brothers still rotating. They were both moving from hand to feet as well it looked like they were break dancing across the floor but all the time still rotating. When they got to the brothers they continued to head at them. Neither brother knew what to do. They ran towards the two oncoming attackers swords raised to parry but to their surprise they just ploughed straight into them to no effect their weapons just bounced back. After numerous stabs and slashes at the two sisters to no avail as well as at the same time trying to run away from the twirling mass of sharp blades coming at them they realised they could not hit their opponent whilst they were like this.

 

 

 

So they both retreated a little and thought I have it exclaimed Marcus if we can make them run at each other they will stop spinning giving us a chance to attack whilst they are off guard and so that is what they did.

 

The two men split up and ran to places about 20 metres away from each other. The two still spinning masses split up and headed towards a brother each. When they were close enough both brothers sidestepped left and ran towards each other the two human tornados followed them watching only their target. When Marcus and Jukka got close enough to each other they rolled to opposite sides. Not able to change direction fast enough and only now seeing the other sister heading towards them both sisters stopped spinning. This allowed the brothers to get an attack in whilst they were dazed after 5 minutes of twirling and spinning. Both of them dashed towards them but both dashed towards the same sister! Vanessa was on her own with no where to go. She was stabbed and slashed and fell dead without able to put up a fight. Sharan watching her sister die screamed.

 

How dare you kill my sister she screamed. You could see the anger in her eyes they glowed with it. She ran towards the brothers but they were ready for her. As she got to them and prepared to attack them both arms out and Shakarams held parallel to the ground. She was going to have a quick spin and take their heads off, but they were ready for this they both ducked and Jukka stuck out a foot and tripped her. Jukka let out a triumphant roar. Both of them stood up and plunged their swords deep into her left breast piercing her heart killing her almost instantly. They removed the swords and wiped the blood off on the ground. They both removed 2 Shakarams and placed them on their belts. THE HUNTRESSES ARE DEAD they both shouted

 

Victory cried the crowd of soliders who just stood their and watched the fight.

 

 

 

So here ends the tale of the battle of the colours. White vs. Black. Good vs. Evil Wihet vs Calbk. Good won this time but was this victory to last for ever? Or was it going to be short lived? For now its all safe. Jukka and Marcus returned to the City of Amaranth and stayed their until the end of their lives. How ever. Inside the city its self a evil force was at work. They were not going to let good rule forever but that is another story. So I will leave you now my good friend. The tale of my masters has been told. But mine has yet to unfold.

 

 

 

 

 

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Hope you like it i did this for my GCSE english got a B for it and if you print its 8 pages long.

[armybuilder]

Yes there are many links to different things in here.

 

See if you can spot them +)

[Zonorhc]

I could run a detailed analysis on every paragraph, but that would take too long, so, here you go:

 

 

 

Your sentences are very disjointed. There are a lot of fragments and you've got a lot of clauses that run into each other without separators.

 

 

 

Grammatically, it could be far, far better than it is now. Your plot also strains suspension of disbelief, because frankly, you don't sound like you know anywhere near enough about what you're trying to describe. Your fight scenes are clumsy and suffer from lack of knowledge.

 

 

 

Overall, your control over the language is poor. This piece could be improved by fixing up your grammar, picking out your spelling mistakes and making sure you're using words appropriate to what you're describing. You also need to do some background reading and learn about battlefield tactics and how hand-to-hand combat works before trying to write about it.

 

 

 

I wouldn't have given this a B.