drachedolch Posted February 7, 2009 Share Posted February 7, 2009 I wrote this story a while back as a joke. It is about the clan of whom I am a part of. Over the winter we lost 50% of our members at least. Drachedolch, the story of a small clan. Twas a glorious and cold winter that year, the year that the clan Drachedolch was created. 3 friends join togather and united for the cause of one. The clan prospered and rose to glory within the two months it was running, the leaders were noble and brave. Nick the Wise, was the primary holder of the term, "Overlord". He was true to his cause and held this title high. But the glorious days would soon end. An evill unknown to the clan was about to erupt during a time meant for joy and happyness. This evil was know only by it's first name...Limited internet Access! (Dramatic music). For the noble leader, Nick, had to go onto a journey of epic porportions. Nick gave his farewell's and asked for his fellow creators to hold the clan high, so when he returned he could bring back the glory it had held in the month's before. The noble leader left, crying over his shoulder, "I shall return by the New Years tide!". Almost as soon as Nick left unease fell upon the clan, The members grew restless after day's of leaders activities. One by one the previously masterful members left, looking for better times in better places. Soon even the members who helped Nick create the clan were growing weary of what had become of it. Soon, King Grube, The once loved, desided it was his time to go. Leaving with little more then a sorry, the clan fell upon it's lesser members to hold it up. For several days they discussed what to do! They knew that Nick would return within a week or two. Alas A solution, Sam the formerly inactive leader hath returned from his long slumber! Twas the awaking that saved the clan! Sam was noble and true like Nick before, he tried with all of his might to prevent the clan from seperating, and wish for the last remaining members to wait, things would return to normal soon enough! Even with the honorable Sam at the helm, the clan was still slowely deteriorating. Christmas spirit and hope was all that remain! As the New Year came and went the loyal members waited. Nearly a week past the time that Nick was meant to arrive! Was he dead? Did he get hurt? What happened to him? Alas the poor clan members waited hoping for the best. And then one fateful afternoon the 4-5 remaining members logged in to find the man who they had all been waiting for, poor, frail, and tired he was, but the clan members rejoiced! For Nick the honorable and noble leader was back! Nick was angered by the deserters, and his wraith fell upon one and a many. But those loyal to him were greatful to once again be under the protective warmth of there leaders wings! Nick vowed to work hard and to bring the clan back to the former glory, bring upon them new rules. Fair and worthy were these rules, insisting upon activity within the clan, else you would be kicked out before you had the chance to leave. The loyal members are still here today, under the new rules. And they shall prosper and grow into a mighty clan indeed. Sam and Nick now share there leadership and the loyal members were all rewarded, promotions and love for all around! And alas we are here on this current day. The new rules are about us and we should be joyous, These will allow us to lose our dead wait and grow as a clan. Personally I am thankful for Nick. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drachedolch Posted February 7, 2009 Author Share Posted February 7, 2009 I wouldn't mind advise or criticism. Keep it on the niccer side please. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenova1692 Posted February 7, 2009 Share Posted February 7, 2009 I would say well done. Could use a little bit of work on grammar/spelling. I thought you did a good job of turning an in-game event into an interesting story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drachedolch Posted February 7, 2009 Author Share Posted February 7, 2009 Thanks, I know there are several grammar and spelling mistakes but it was hastely writen late at night. I appriciate your comment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenova1692 Posted February 7, 2009 Share Posted February 7, 2009 but it was hastely writen late at night. I know the feeling, that is when I do my writing (If i do any at all) Just make sure to fix any mistakes you notice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drachedolch Posted February 7, 2009 Author Share Posted February 7, 2009 but it was hastely writen late at night. I know the feeling, that is when I do my writing (If i do any at all) Just make sure to fix any mistakes you notice. Sure thing i'll comb over it tomarrow. (It's getting late :P) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archimage_a Posted February 8, 2009 Share Posted February 8, 2009 Hmmm. Well, it is an interesting story, short but interesting. Sigh I am trying to bulk this out because I usually(or usually when I used to do this more) would write a breakdown of how the story could be improved, but in this case, since it is apparently based on real life events and is set in a narrative style rather than a general story there is relatively little to say. In my capacity as Mod I would draw your attention to rule one of Varrock Library. It is not expressly in violation but for people thinking to emulate this story just a reminder. As Jenova said there are a few spelling and grammer errors, and might I suggest Asterisks(*) instead of brackets for the 'Dramatic Music'. And keep up the good work. http://www.uzzisoft..../archimage.jpegWell I knew you wouldn't agree. I know how you hate facing facts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drachedolch Posted February 8, 2009 Author Share Posted February 8, 2009 Hmm. I don't quite understand that rule. I wrote the story and hopping for feedback for any future stories, posted it here. I mean this IS the story board correct? And I wasn't really asking about the topic, I was asking about my writing style and how to make it better. So, just because it is based on true events it doesn't mean it's spam right? /rants (if I get in trouble for this not being in the rant thread I would laugh :P) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archimage_a Posted February 8, 2009 Share Posted February 8, 2009 It was more that it was, or seemed like 'Your latest trip to the wildernesse' in that it was real life events with a 'frosting' of literary techniques which made it into a story. I don't know how feed back on this story would be useful for future stories, since this obvouisly took place over a number of weeks and isn't likely to happen again. Or is it? Anyway I accept that I taking an over critical eye to your work, but it does set a dangerous precedent, and now that I am back I want to keep things from breaking down. Paranoid much? http://www.uzzisoft..../archimage.jpegWell I knew you wouldn't agree. I know how you hate facing facts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drachedolch Posted February 8, 2009 Author Share Posted February 8, 2009 Haha yeah I understand, and no this probably won't happen again. Yet, I still think it is feedbackable, in a sense of writing style/wording. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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