This story takes place in a fantasy world called inilandrial look at my web site if your confused. I have not had anyone proofread ths so be nice. (and it is my first story)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edit: I made this map of the Dwarven Empire

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Prologue:

 

 

 

ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¦Ã¢â¬ÅSo children, you say you want to here a story? Would you like to hear of the Ancient Sea Dragon or how the Halflings came to this world? Or would you prefer to hear of the Great War of the Night Elves? No, no IÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢ve told all those all ready, how about a new one? HereÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s the story of Rendar, founder of Prut the greatest human kingdom of this age.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

WellÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâæ I would say ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¦Ã¢â¬Åa long time ago in a galaxy far awayÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬ÃâæÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬ÃâÃ

Bit of conscription there wasn't it. 'Use this man as a runner'

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What was the bit about we are going to defend you... unless war starts

I suggest you make your chapters quite a bit longer. Keep going though, I'm sure this will get somewhere.

That depends, a long chapter is great for giving detail but it drag the story. Where as a short chapter make the reader think that its just a little story and they will have time to read it, but it will not contain as much infomation.

 

 

 

There should be a balance.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Oh and I liked the prologue as well

Bit of conscription there wasn't it. 'Use this man as a runner'

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What was the bit about we are going to defend you... unless war starts

 

 

 

yep

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

and I'll explain that later I'm trying to keep them a secret as long as possible. (though if you read my website you maight be able to make a few guesses) http://www.freewebs.com/inilandrial

 

 

 

EDIT: Apparently it doesn't like free webs. (anyone have a better idea where I can make a free website that I can actually post a link to?)

 

 

 

EDIT of EDIT: Apparently it does like freewebs now

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

as to making the chapters longer I would like to but I'm having trouble so I'll probably post 2 at a time.

Well I wrote another short section

 

 

 

I'm just going to edit the orginal post.