Assassin By GreenSlime89

[greenslime89]

THE ASSASSIN

 

 

 

[greenslime89]

The Assassin

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A man dressed in dark green trousers and a polo necked jumper, lay between two small bushes at the top of a hill. He calmly surveyed the countryside paying close attention to the old grey house. He checked his watch, picked up his binoculars and looked at the narrow grey ribbon of road. He opened a lean black case. There was a glint of metal in the pale winter sunlight. He lifted the rifle and sighted down to the front of the house.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The weak sun in the grey sky shone on a dismal house, its blind eyes staring blankly over the unloved garden. The paint was peeling off the front door. In the grounds were two derelict outhouses, the skeletal remains of the roofs etched against the sky. The doors yawned open and a mournful sigh was carried on the wind. Old papers flapped across the rutted yard and a bin fell over in the rising wind scattering its contents. The rain fell and hammered the ground like bullets.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He turned as a blue car turned off the round onto the muddy, rutted path leading to the house. He looked through the binoculars, noted the occupant, the damaged bumper and scraped paintwork. The sun hid behind a curtain of clouds. A small beetle crawled over the manÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s sleeve and he brushed it off. He lifted the rifle and looked along the barrel.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The woman stepped out of the car, and pulling up her jacket hood hunched forward and began to walk quickly towards the house. Avoiding the puddles but slipping in the mud, she weaved her way towards the door. She dragged keys out of her pocket and fumbled with them as she approached the door. The man waited. Deliberately, he looked at her down the sight of the rifle and carefully took aim. She put a key in the lock. Before the key could be turned, he squeezed the trigger. Her body jerked and the blood splattered against the paint-peeled door, and explosion of colour in the greyness of the day. As her hand slipped from the door handle, the body gave a final twitch and all that could be heard was the steady beat of the rain and the woeful wind crying through the outhouses.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The man lifted the binoculars to his eyes and looked dispassionately at the woman lying in the mud, noting the tatty fur that trimmed the mud-slicked jacket and the stretched out arms. Satisfied, he put down the binoculars and ritualistically placed the rifle in the long, black case. He looked round where he had waited. He lifted the spent shell, glanced at his watch and impassively, without a backward glance, walked away to where his car had been left[/img]

[dragoncmd]

Incredible story! I wish I could write like that.

 

 

 

Edit the white space out of the picture, its stretching the screen making the story hard to read.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

take out the spaces after http://

[greenslime89]

ty ill get a paragraph plan typed up - the place teachers get it from is 50$ per year so ill make one up for you if you like

[greenslime89]

any feedback?

[RazorFlowers]

Whoa thats a lot of descriptions, dont know if that is a good or bad thing though. It works when its a short story like this one but I wouldnt want to read a book with that much description.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I get a real Hitman 2: Silent Assassin feeling over the environment where the story takes place. Sounds almost like the "Anathema" map. :)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And I also have some tips for ab author you might want to check out if you havent already: Matthew Reilly. I would suggest reading either "Contest", "Ice station" or "Temple" by him. I think you would enjoy it.

[greenslime89]

Whoa thats a lot of descriptions, dont know if that is a good or bad thing though. It works when its a short story like this one but I wouldnt want to read a book with that much description.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I get a real Hitman 2: Silent Assassin feeling over the environment where the story takes place. Sounds almost like the "Anathema" map. :)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And I also have some tips for ab author you might want to check out if you havent already: Matthew Reilly. I would suggest reading either "Contest", "Ice station" or "Temple" by him. I think you would enjoy it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

well i do think that the descriptions are a bit over the top myself but that was what i was asked to do. ive only played hitman codename 47 so never seen the "anathema" map. i will look around local libraries for those books and read them thanks for the feedback

[dragoncmd]

I think the description is what makes it so good. It would make a great opening chapter for a novel (lenghtnd a little maybe) and the detail would be toned down a little in later chapters.