MapleWise

[Icuownage]

Prologue

 

It was a relaxed autumn afternoon in the Maplewise manor. The golden sun hidden shyly behind the beautiful amber leaves, which have just begun to litter the spacious garden. Frederick Maplewise, lord of the Maplewise manor was sat, overlooking the garden like a protective lion watching over his territory. A slight wind blew up the pathway to the manor, causing more leaves to fall from the maple trees. The gust caught Lord Maplewises red mane and it fluttered in the wind.

Cold winds from the north it seems. Sighed the Lord. He was about to return to his newspaper when suddenly the door behind him opened. A man walked through, rather old in appearance but with perfect posture. He wore a maroon coloured suit with a yellow trim, perfectly ironed with no creases, though that could not be said about his face. He had deep wrinkles around the eyes, perhaps he had a few sleepless nights lately. His hands, coated in pure white gloves were held behind his back.

Ah! Jeeves. Frederick said, rising out of his chair to greet his butler You may speak.

Thank you, sir. I have brought you todays messages. Firstly, Lord Chester has invited you to his manor, a dinner celebrating a marriage his son has entered with the lovely Lady Lilywater. The butler announced, Frederick giving an approving nod and then gestured him to continue. Sales of glass statues have risen, people say theyre beau-

Please, no business this early in the morning. Interrupted Frederick.

As you wish, sir. Said Jeeves, not even swayed by his masters rudeness. Jeeves continued the announcements, almost all of them good, until he got to a certain one, and with it, followed an even larger gust than before. The pages on the newspaper Frederick was reading before his butler came swayed around in the wind, as if the hands of fate themselves were guiding it, after a brief flutter the newspaper landed gracefully onto the main headline. WAR! Was the headline, Your son has decided to join the military. There was a slight pause. |Frederick sat there, but he wasnt surprised he simply stated.

As expected by the boy. And with that he flipped over the newspaper so the back page advertisements were shown. Anymore news? He said curiously.

Just one more thing. Jeeves said sharply.

Alright then, send them in Frederick said, looking off to the north.

 

 

 

It's a book I have been writing. I only just finished the prologue though XD.

[Nexaduro]

Kewl.

 

A good editor would probably be called for, I could help with that! :thumbsup:

 

I've been wanting to write a book as well, unfortunately I'm just too lazy and my mind often shuts itself down mid-thought.

[Nero]

Why is it that Jeeves is always the name of the Butler? I mean, when parents name their kids Jeeves, what exactly do they expect him to be when he grows up?

 

You flip between tenses a bit at the beginning.

 

Also the 'he said, he said, he said' after every spoken sentence is fairly redundant when there's only two people talking.

 

And you should work on showing more than telling. See: http://www.suite101.com/article.cfm/publish_your_short_fiction/29408

 

And the ending doesn't make much sense. Send who in?

[Icuownage]

I only used Jeeves cause I couldn't think of anything else :P, but thanks for that website :). Also the ending isn't meant to make sense right now, it is shown throughout the book.