April 24, 201115 yr This is a good start, however, I think the vocabulary is a little dry and lacks the poeticism and eloquence of truly good poetry. Furthermore, the style is a little dry. "Imagine yourself surrounded by the most horrible cripples and maniacs it is possible to conceive, and you may understand a little of my feelings with these grotesque caricatures of humanity about me." - H.G. Wells, The Island of Doctor Moreau
May 23, 201115 yr I can totally relate dude. :( I've been going through some hard times, and this song/poem is really true to my reality actually. I'd add some more eloquent vocabulary and maybe add abit more of an interesting meter, etc.otherwise good start. :) 92 Fishing | 92 Firemaking | 92 Dungeoneering | 99 Cooking100% FTP | 800+ Total | 19 Combat Optima dies.. prima fugit. .::. Forever a Harpy
May 30, 201115 yr It's good but very cliché in the sense that it seems you take a lot of ideas from song lyrics and paraphrase them around you..But that doesn't subtract from it, just if you have used song lyrics and changed them try and harness the raw emotion without influence. The writing you will be able to produce will be brilliant.
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