Godslayer Posted July 29, 2004 Share Posted July 29, 2004 Zytis was, above all else a thief. He was rather short at only 5 and a fourth feet and had little in the way of remarkable features. The only thing remarkable about the boy was his face. His eyes where deepset under a large brow, they where brooding eyes, dark eyes, the color was not altogether discernable without looking very closely. From his brow his rather large nose came forth. His nose was not necisecarily bulbous, far from it it was slender, but it was a very long nose making his face seem drawn out and perpetualy sad. His cheeks where high set and almost looked like an upside down "L". Where his cheek stoped going sideways on his face and started going downward toward his jaw on either side , he had tatoos. The tattos wernt very intricate, just a line coing from the curve of his cheek to the corner of his eye, but not overlaping to the nose. These marks had come from his old tribe, the tribe he had deserted As a boy he was always rebelling against the strict laws of his clan and at the age of 13, shortly after he was given his marks of adulthood, he ran away. Now Zytis was 15 and life without a home, life on the road had toughened his body and strained his muscles, but he was determined to survive, if only to show his tribe that he could. He commited many thefts in order to provide for himself such as stealing some bread or a bit of meat to eat. He had with him only him tattered clothes ad something that could only be called a sac. It wasnt much more than a canvas strung together with rope, but it was where he kept his few belongings. One day he decided his hair, wich was now should lenth and quite matted, should be trimmed. Quietly he slinked into a barbershop,with two years of thievry working for him, And quiet came to a device in wich had been dubed "scizors" they gleamed anew on the metal pan of the barber , with all his other utensils. As Zytis' grubby hand reached out to take it and stuff it in his sac, the barber suddenly looked around, after hearing Zytis stomach grumble. "You there, stop!" shouted the barber, almost slicing of his costomers ear. Quickly Zytis grabbed it and , making no attempt to keep quiet dashed out of the store. In fury the barber threw another pair of scizors at Zytis wich skimmed his shoulder, drawing blood through his wornout shirt. After Zytis was about a mile away from the shop and in some unknown valley he fainted from the blood he had lost and his exahustion. So this is what it feels like to die he though as he fellso be it. Next chapter, "Capture" is coming just as soon as someone replys :P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Godslayer Posted July 29, 2004 Author Share Posted July 29, 2004 Someone needs to reply................ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Godslayer Posted July 29, 2004 Author Share Posted July 29, 2004 I would really like to get on the nex part but i need some feedback first :evil: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Godslayer Posted July 30, 2004 Author Share Posted July 30, 2004 why did i bump this? o well.... will someone log on to this forum besides me*hears echo* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Godslayer Posted July 30, 2004 Author Share Posted July 30, 2004 lol sry spamed my own post Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Godslayer Posted July 30, 2004 Author Share Posted July 30, 2004 Bump... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Godslayer Posted July 31, 2004 Author Share Posted July 31, 2004 This is where i would post the next part of my story if someone wouldReply! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Godslayer Posted July 31, 2004 Author Share Posted July 31, 2004 ok...........I'm starting to talk to myslef here! someone please anyone say something! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Godslayer Posted August 1, 2004 Author Share Posted August 1, 2004 im sorry this is an old post from before i modified story -Godslayer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Godslayer Posted August 1, 2004 Author Share Posted August 1, 2004 reply please? :cry: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bonethor Posted August 2, 2004 Share Posted August 2, 2004 I'm releasing you from your pain. Yeah nice story, quite clichy text but hey that's what you're supposed to write :) found couple of annoying typos there though. It's ok 7.5/10 Telling so much about the guy would better fit for a longer story (even a book). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Godslayer Posted August 2, 2004 Author Share Posted August 2, 2004 Ya its going to be a huge story, but I want to know whether or not people want to hear it, lol I thought I made it clear that that was only the begining, the bio if you will of a much larger story to come Sorry to confuse you :oops: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Godslayer Posted August 3, 2004 Author Share Posted August 3, 2004 Even as Zytis fell, a great light came upon him. And behold Zytis was taken forth by this light to the north, to Last outpost. There he was deposited while, all unawares, the monks slept. Is this hell? Nah, can't be Zyitis thought as he woke up. He was in a rather strange place. In a gage, like some wild animal, a cage that seemed to be imbued with some sort of arcane magic. He looked around him to see that he was in a rather large hallway and the back of his age butted up with the end of the hallway. There was no carpeting, as so was the style of the day, and no windows. He saw many old wooden doors, doors that looked old but firm, that seemed as if no matter what those old wooden doors would hold. The ground looked just as old, but it was not dirty, quite the contray infact it was very clean, but looked of worn stone. In his cage he seemed to have some sort of spinning door, but it was very tiny, so he couldnt escape through it but things could be delivered to him through it. He had a small cot and some food. Later that morning several men came by his cage to give him lunch. These men wore a plain dusty brown colored robe along with a neckalace with the sign of a God, though Zytis did not know wich. They where bald but one looked as if he was not aturally bald, but shaven and that was the younger one. They both had beards under there chins slightly that looked as if there sideburns had one day simly discided to keep going down till they met each other. "Who are you people? And why have you imprisoned me?!" Zytis roared. "We are the monks of Saradonim," said the monk "We where given you by the spirit of Him." "Given?!?! Am I know some plything? An object whos will can be clenched and mind broken? Something that can be owned?!" Zytis asked incredulously "Saradonim told us you would show us the sign of penitance, and in that moment you would become free." the monk replied and with that they left. About a month later "the sign of penitance" came to Zytis, and he experianced the worst pain in his life... So whatdaya think? Am i any good( don't worry this is just a small prtion of the story, kinda like background we'll get to the action soon :wink: ) once you guys respond I'll post the next part. (if you want you're charecter in the story and I'll put him in somewhere) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RoyalFlush Posted August 3, 2004 Share Posted August 3, 2004 Ya its going to be a huge story, but I want to know whether or not people want to hear it, lol I thought I made it clear that that was only the begining, the bio if you will of a much larger story to come Sorry to confuse you :oops: Try waiting more than a 20 minutes between posts instead of just spamming the hell out of it. Not many roam the Library so it taes awhile :roll: As for your story, it has nice detail but lacks originality. Keep at it :wink: If it isn't in your veins, you'll never know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Godslayer Posted August 3, 2004 Author Share Posted August 3, 2004 As the night wore on the monks heard an agonized scream. They all rushed down the hall in which Zytis was kept, and where the scream had come from Before the monks very eyes a maricle was accuring! The boy was growing, not just growing as in growing a minuscule percent of an ich but true growing! The monks could visibly see the boy grow! After a few hours his clothes started to stretch on him. Never before had Zytis experienced anything so incredibaly painful. By daybreak the boy had grown two feet, and his clothes almost suffocated him. Now 7 feet tall Zytis head bumped against the very cieling of his cell. He was in a daze and walked in circles around the cell. He was not very good at being tall, as he frequently fell to the ground. He tried out his new voice, for truely before he had a very boyish voice, not the voice of a 15 year old. His new voice was low and deep, and at first it hurt his throught but then he got used to it. Now all but one of the monks looked at him oddly, and the one who didnt came to Zytis cage. The monk came and unlocked the cell! Zytis at this point knew he, at his height and stamina, was easily strong enough now that he could barrel through and escape from the outpost, but he didnt. Zytis simply walked out and said "I am sorry. Praise Saradonims name" After that Zytis said not a word. Most of the monks spoke rarely as well, but Zytis didnt speack at all. He was mute for a year and was serving under the monks, doing tasks like cleaning and such, though the monks would have done this themselves, he made sure he was the one to do it. They fed him and gave him a place to stay, and they didnt bother him, while he read his books. Bookreading was now his hobby. As a boy he was taught how and now he had the monks whole library right infront of him gaining dust, so know thats what he spent alot of his time doing. When he was 19 years old he had read almost every book in the library they had. And felt an odd calling. Without realizing really what wa going on he silently crept to the door of the High Priest and nelt at the door. A few hours later Zytis was still kneeling when the High Priest came out and nearly stepped on Zytis, had it not bee the fect that Zytis was still about 5 feet tall, even kneeling. "What is it my son?" the priest asked, trying to regain his composure. "I wish to become a servant of Great Saradonim, train me." said Zytis simply. This was the first time he had talked in about 4 years! The priest knew that this was ment to be and told him if it was the last thing he did he would make Zytis a monk. That day Zytis went back to his room and took out the device he had taken so long ago, the scizors. Zytis hair was long and matted now and without een looking into a mirror he trimmed it. He had no idea how it would look, he trusted Saradonim to help him, since he could feel that how he wore his hair was important. When he was done he was bald except at the top of his head wich was in a flowing scalplock, and look for all the world like a horses tail. he wraped it in some fiber so it wouldnt just flow down his back, but would stick out, then come down a few inches behind his back. Later when Zytis was 20 years old he became the fastest monk to have ever trained for being ,just that, a monk. He was given his plain, dusty brown robes, and a symbol of Saradonim. Now his calling was fullfilled. Now he is 27 and he woke up one moring to find a great blade by his bed! Scared Zytis huries to the other corner of the room. Once someone posts a reply we can findout about this mysterious blade. Dont miss the next chapter "Eolii Skyblade"! :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest dude678 Posted August 17, 2004 Share Posted August 17, 2004 this story is weird. and you kinda got a lot of typos. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest chuanlekukon Posted October 21, 2004 Share Posted October 21, 2004 is this a story if it is can i be in it? :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest chuanlekukon Posted October 21, 2004 Share Posted October 21, 2004 can i be in this story? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Godslayer Posted October 22, 2004 Author Share Posted October 22, 2004 w0ah, i havnt been to this story for months....i think I'll wright a bit more, but not now, I'm busy making my living of pixel sigs, (media board is my home now :wink: ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubbl3z Posted October 22, 2004 Share Posted October 22, 2004 i just realised something.... the varrock library is great for raising your post count cuz spamming and bumping is so normal. i should write summin too when i get bothered ^.^ it's a confusing story...maybe cuz i've left out chapters...You should post it on one post so ppl read easier. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RanGeR_10 Posted October 30, 2004 Share Posted October 30, 2004 thats awesome! nice work on the storys mate. 8) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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