Hello, this is my first poem that I'm going to post on here. Please comment on it and maybe even rate it. I know my grammar skills aren't the best but remember I'm only 12.

 

 

 

I Found You

 

 

When you running up a muck,

 

when you were being lead astray,

 

and when you were out of hope,

 

I found you.

 

 

 

I took you in and cleaned you up,

 

I showed you the right path,

 

and I gave you some hope that would last,

 

I found you some hope.

 

 

 

But then it all went wrong,

 

you were on the deathbed,

 

and you only had one last breath,

 

so I wrote this one last poem.

 

 

 

Hoping that it would give you a reason to live,

 

hoping that everything would go my way,

 

hoping that you had Jesus,

 

but my hope wasnÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢t enough.

 

 

 

You lived a 100 years,

 

you touched a million hearts,

 

you healed my aching pain,

 

a healer you turned out to be.

 

 

 

So when I soar up,

 

maybe my hope will restore,

 

maybe I will find the person,

 

that I found before.

 

 

 

The Torture

 

 

 

I hate the pain,

 

I hate the torture,

 

without reason,

 

you hooked me to a chain.

 

 

 

Do you want me dead,

 

or do you want me tamed?

 

Is it the pain?

 

ArenÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢t you ashamed?

 

 

 

Just take my soul,

 

and whatever else you want,

 

before I get on a roll,

 

and just take it away.

 

 

 

load it now,

 

steady your aim,

 

now tap the trigger.

 

Was it worth the pain?

 

 

 

I took the pain,

 

I took the torture.

 

Now itÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s your turn,

 

to feel the chain.

 

 

 

Your Rescuer

 

 

 

When you most expect the rain to glide down,

 

thatÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s when it comes pouring.

 

When you least expect the thunder to rumble,

 

thatÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s when it comes roaring.

 

But when you donÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢t expect me to be there for you,

 

thatÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s when I come soaring.

 

 

 

Rain or thunder,

 

darkness or light,

 

IÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢ll spread my wings,

 

and stretch them as wide as they can go,

 

Just so I can get there,

 

to rescue you.

 

 

 

When you need a shoulder,

 

when you need a hand,

 

you can take my shoulder,

 

you can take my hand.

 

 

 

But I expect more from you,

 

I expect your shoulder,

 

I expect your hand,

 

I expect you to soar like an eagle.

 

 

 

What Would I Do?

 

 

 

You have the beauty of an angel,

 

the words that touch my heart,

 

the smile that gives you that extra shine,

 

I donÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢t know what IÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢d do without you.

 

 

 

YouÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢re my everything,

 

my rising sun,

 

my falling moon,

 

my night sky,

 

I donÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢t know what IÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢d do without you.

 

 

 

IÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢m always thinking about you,

 

the way you look,

 

the way you smile,

 

the way you speak to my heat,

 

I donÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢t know what IÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢d do without you.

 

 

 

What would I do without you?

 

Would I die,

 

would I live,

 

would live my life with a heart broken cry,

 

I donÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢t know what IÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢d do without you.

 

 

 

If Only

 

 

 

All my love,

 

all my smiles,

 

all my heart are for her.

 

 

 

I only wish she'd see that.

 

 

 

All my dreams,

 

all my wishes,

 

all my prayers, are about her.

 

 

 

I only wish she knew that.

 

 

 

If only she could see,

 

if only she could see,

 

if only she could see how much she means to me.

 

 

 

Tell Me

 

 

 

Tell me if you care for me,

 

tell me if you'd take a dare for me,

 

tell me if you'd live your life with me,

 

so I can stop dieing and start flying.

 

 

 

So I can start flying to heaven with wings of love,

 

with wings of courage,

 

with wings of hope,

 

with wings knowing that I can fly higher then any obstacle,

 

even winning you love.

 

 

 

Just tell me,

 

just tell me if I mean anything to you,

 

just tell me,

 

just tell me that you care for me,

 

so I can start flying.

 

 

 

What Would You Do?

 

 

 

If you had a wish what would you do?

 

Would you make your love's wishes come true?

 

Would you wish that she love you,

 

or would you wish that you could start new?

 

 

 

If I had one wish I wouldn't maker her love me,

 

I wouldn't make her kiss me,

 

I wouldn't make her miss me,

 

I'd make her be with the one who she really loves.

 

 

 

The one who makes her smile all day,

 

and dreams about all night,

 

the one who's her rising sun,

 

and her falling moon.

 

 

 

Even if it's not me,

 

I just want her to be happy,

 

I want her to be with who she really loves,

 

and apparently thats not me.

 

 

 

Plummeting Wishes

 

 

 

They keep falling down,

 

My wishes,

 

They keep falling down,

 

 

 

Is it my faith?

 

Is it my trust?

 

Why do my wishes keep plummeting down?

 

 

 

No chance,

 

No life,

 

No destiny.

 

 

 

Why? Why do my wishes have to keep plummeting down?

 

I wish my wishes would rise,

 

Rise above the sky,

 

Rise above the heavens,

 

I wish they would rise.

 

 

 

Restart Please

 

 

 

Laying in my bed

 

thinking about you,

 

wishing life had a restart button.

 

 

 

So I could turn that horrible moment into our moment,

 

turn that hug into a kiss,

 

turn that frown into a smile.

 

 

 

Laying in my bed

 

laying in torment,

 

wishing life had a restart button.

 

 

 

So I could turn you from hating me to loving me,

 

turn that line of hate into a line of love,

 

turn my dream into reality.

 

 

 

I wish life had a restart button.

 

 

 

 

Thank you for reading all of these and I hope you enjoyed them :-)

It is a good poem. I liked all the different styles in the poem but at the end I was feeling the rythme then you flop the question line in there that is a whole different rythme. I also thought the second part long line took a little away from the poem. 7/10

Wow, love it!!! Fantastic. First verse works very well, good comparisons, I like the use of other examples. Otherwise really nice, but the last line I think needs some tweaking?

Thank you for the comments and about that last line...hmmm. I thought that it was a great closer, but please feel free to suggest a new verse or something. I'm trying to think about something, but me and my girlfriend broke up so I kind of lost some inspiration :(

 

 

 

Edit:Just attempted a fix at the last verse. I think it turned out fairly good.

 

Edit2:I just added all my poems that I could find on my computer, and I think these may be my last.

they're really good

 

who u writin for?

 

sum girl u had a crush on for a long time i presume

they're really good

 

who u writin for?

 

sum girl u had a crush on for a long time i presume

 

 

 

Thanks, thought my thread was gonna be dead.

 

 

 

The girl I was writing about I don't like her anymore she got to be a wagon. I like another girl but I don't think I'd ever write poetry about her like I used to.

oh ic

 

i wrote a poem for a girl once

 

i didn't like it much but ppl didn't expect me to write a poem

wow they are awesome way better than what i would write lmao :lol:

Very good, except the first title lol. It should be, "Your Rescuer" not "You're Rescuer". Other than that, very good.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

~Foolgool

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

EDIT: W00t!! 200th post.

Didn't realise this was still going, was going to create a new thread.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tomorrow I'll be posting 2 new poems, and they're going to be much better then any of these.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thank you foolgool for telling me about that I'll edit it tomorrow.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edit: Added my two latest poems I hope everyone enjoys them.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted on a Mac,

 

 

 

mbball