andufusthebronze Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 Hi guys, I am writing a series of books and have multiple ideas for the introduction for John one of the main charaters. I've started each of them and was wondering which one you thing is best, and what needs improving John introductions 1. The coals in the grate where smouldering and giving off little heat or light. There every now and then a small puff off smoke would come of it and curl upward out of the chimney. John sat down at his desk thinking of what to write. He had to do an essay on Elven weapons, but he thought they where a bit like a cutlass. He spread the scroll out in front of him to check what he had written so far. ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¦Ã¢â¬ÅElven weapons ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Ãâ by John Henley. There are a few variations in the Elven weapons they are kind of like scimitars but longer.ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâà Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
issy2 Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 Second, definitely. Even the first sentence is quite mysterious and suspicious... but I would change it to something like The forest is a scary place to be when you're alone, especially at night. But not everyone was hesitant of the darkness - a silhouette slipped through the trees like a fox - slick and silent. Just changing a few words can make it sound so different. I think you need to make the whole thing more detailed and smooth, but overall I most enjoyed the second one and it gives an interesting start to a story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andufusthebronze Posted January 5, 2007 Author Share Posted January 5, 2007 ok, cheers issy! :D I'll change some of it and in the first book he is a very dark and wicked character so that'll hit in. I have an idea for the chapter with him in chapter 1: the hunter of the darkness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andufusthebronze Posted January 5, 2007 Author Share Posted January 5, 2007 should I keep in the mystery of what the thing John kills in, or just reveal it. It is a good oppertunity for mystery and discription. what do you think? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
issy2 Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 should I keep in the mystery of what the thing John kills in, or just reveal it. It is a good oppertunity for mystery and discription. what do you think? I'm really not sure. I think you might include a v. v. short flashback... what is it about the death of a wise creature than upsets him? Also I think you should add more detail as he finishes off the bear, and possibly make the sentences shorter around where he first sees the bear to create tension and maybe a little more description about the bear to make us feel sorry for him. But yeah I think you should end where he decides to end its pain. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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