January 5, 200719 yr Please comment!!!!!! :D any errors or suggestions let me know. I'm making it up as I go along :oops: , so any ideas on how to end it are welcome! Prologue Maria regarded the array of objects before her. Crimson soaked chaise lounges, oozing the sophisticated yet hyper glamour of the 1930ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s. Hand embroidered calf leather place mats, and a complete set of willow pattern china straight from the ports of Vietnam, lay untouched on fine Spanish oak dining tables. There were priceless crystal chandeliers and hand painted dressers discovered after much groping through the Milan archive of interior manufacture. And among this fine collection of mismatched home treasures lay one of the most puzzling paintings in the history of fine Dutch art. This strange sight of a room bulging with the most wonderful memories and stories that the 20th century and before had to offer, might have been a curious sight to behold had you not known what mistress was governing this private affair. It is time that I introduced you to the hostess of this gathering of belongings, the landlord of this estate of keepsakes, the leader of this party of possessions. Lady Gwyneth Tailor herself. The buyer to rival all buyers, the collector to challenge all collectors and most importantly the spender to silence all spenders. You are probably wondering what humble, polite, sensible Maria was doing in the luxurious apartment of the preposterous, in your face, grand Lady Gwyneth Tailor. Well the fact was Lady Gwyneth Tailor was facing a situation of bankruptcy. ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¦Ã¢â¬ÅLord in heavenÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬ÃâÃ
January 5, 200719 yr Well, LeeLee granted so far, I have only read the first paragraph. And I know I'm not perfect at it but the first sentance needs to really draw the audiance in. I'll read the rest tomorrow, I'm making a thread for something and going to bed :wink:
January 6, 200719 yr The content is good but I'm a little puzzled by the name of one of your characters. Why does Miss Lady Gwyneth Tailor have two titles? Or is Lady her first name? But still, you have called her Miss, yet she had a husband. I liked your lovely descriptions, the word 'sumptuous' springs to mind. The Poison Fairy
January 6, 200719 yr Hmm I really enjoyed reading it. The first paragraph is quite alot of fun and I kept reading throughout, though as Suzi said she's either Miss or Lady, not both! I think the name Gwyneth was a great choice but I feel her surname doesn't really live up to the same posh, poncey 1930 standards. If I were you I'd maker the name Tailor something a little more... *thinks* long winded. However I do love the description and so far it's an interesting read. It's authentic and detailed. =D>
January 6, 200719 yr Author Thanks for all the comments!!!!! :D :D ( in response to suziangel's and issy2's) I changed the title to lady. I think it makes more sense and sounds better. I understand what you mean about "tailor", but i think the entire titlle has a nice ring to it. I may change it if i find a suitable replacement. :-k ( in response to andufus's) I'll give it some thought. I agree the first sentence should really catch the readers attention.
January 6, 200719 yr Thanks for all the comments!!!!! :D :D ( in response to suziangel's and issy2's) I changed the title to lady. I think it makes more sense and sounds better. I understand what you mean about "tailor", but i think the entire titlle has a nice ring to it. I may change it if i find a suitable replacement. :-k ( in response to andufus's) I'll give it some thought. I agree the first sentence should really catch the readers attention. I think it did! Anyway the only other suggestion I can make is... KEEP GOING! I;m really enjoying it!
January 6, 200719 yr Author Thankyou so much Issy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D :D :D am doing some other stuff at the moment, but I'll get back to the story ASAP.
January 6, 200719 yr I'll give it some thought. I agree the first sentence should really catch the readers attention. I think it does. But, correct me if I'm wrong, Andufus is male, yes? I can see why the first sentence would not appeal to a guy. The Poison Fairy
January 6, 200719 yr Author I'll give it some thought. I agree the first sentence should really catch the readers attention. I think it does. But, correct me if I'm wrong, Andufus is male, yes? I can see why the first sentence would not appeal to a guy. oooh really? how? Anyway i think i'll keep the first sentence now. Thankyou v. much suziangel and issy2 :D
January 6, 200719 yr I'll give it some thought. I agree the first sentence should really catch the readers attention. I think it does. But, correct me if I'm wrong, Andufus is male, yes? I can see why the first sentence would not appeal to a guy. oooh really? how? Anyway i think i'll keep the first sentence now. Thankyou v. much suziangel and issy2 :D It appeals to females rather than males because (Issy, don't shout at me) females are nosey. We hear something like that and we want to know more. Most guys need something with impact to get them to take notice. I know it sounds a little sexist, but do you see my point. The Poison Fairy
January 6, 200719 yr I'll give it some thought. I agree the first sentence should really catch the readers attention. I think it does. But, correct me if I'm wrong, Andufus is male, yes? I can see why the first sentence would not appeal to a guy. oooh really? how? Anyway i think i'll keep the first sentence now. Thankyou v. much suziangel and issy2 :D It appeals to females rather than males because (Issy, don't shout at me) females are nosey. We hear something like that and we want to know more. Most guys need something with impact to get them to take notice. I know it sounds a little sexist, but do you see my point. Well I s'pose... : But I suppose it's true, in general (not all cases) girls want to know more...
January 6, 200719 yr Author I'll give it some thought. I agree the first sentence should really catch the readers attention. I think it does. But, correct me if I'm wrong, Andufus is male, yes? I can see why the first sentence would not appeal to a guy. oooh really? how? Anyway i think i'll keep the first sentence now. Thankyou v. much suziangel and issy2 :D It appeals to females rather than males because (Issy, don't shout at me) females are nosey. We hear something like that and we want to know more. Most guys need something with impact to get them to take notice. I know it sounds a little sexist, but do you see my point. Well I s'pose... : But I suppose it's true, in general (not all cases) girls want to know more... lol issy. I can smell the reluctancy in writng that comment. Meant in the friendliest possible way. :D
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