Wilderness Hunters ~ New Text Added

[Clown]

Sweat pored down Vannica's face. His hands clenched the frail parchment violently.

 

 

 

'Where was the next clue?'

 

 

 

Five days. Five days crawling, thrashing, and dieing, in the wilderness. The food was all but exhausted, and the water was long gone. Twice Vannica had been attacked by scorpions. His energy was at a level so low, he had never experienced before. 'This is,' Vannica thought to himself, 'The life of a treasure hunter.'

 

 

 

Indeed. Over the last year Vannica has dug up countless treasures: Platinum Pieces, a silver jewel-encrusted cross, countless diamonds and stones...but that was nothing at the moment. What lay out in the world of the wilderness was something immensely old,extraordinarily powerful. Vannica has only heard of it years ago, when his father had read him an ancient script. And he had heard that name uttered, and had never forgotten it..Third Age.

 

 

 

It was treasure among treasure. Nobody had ever seen a piece of it, nobody who was breathing had ever layed eyes on such artifacts.

 

 

 

Vannica had only been to the wilderness once, and that one time brought him face to face with the king black dragon. He and the beast looked at each other, and then...Vannica shivered. He didn't want to think about it.

 

 

 

Thinking about it only made him more conscious of having one good arm.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Vannica gazed at his compass. Is read "60 - S." Sixty miles into the wilderness south. That was an achievement nobody had ever accomplished in known memory. The deepest level of explored wilderness was 56. After that point, every adventurer turned back. For any space past that barrier, it was no longer 'The Wildernes,' it was 'The Hollow Land."'

 

 

 

And that was where Vannica was now.

 

 

 

"It's alright, nobody's coming, nobodies coming..." He muttered to himself. Three days after crossing the barrier into the Hollow Land, he had been paranoid for his safety. He feared he was going mad.

 

 

 

"The 3rd age...it will be mine, mine, mine!" Vannica bellowed at the empty expanse of land facing him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The last of the daylight hours slithered away. Night had enveloped the land, cloaking all in darkness. Ten million stars shone in the sky, along with the old constellations that had lived since the beginning of time.

 

 

 

'Ninety miles into this horror, and still the silence persists!"

 

 

 

Vannica kicked viciously at a rock. This was getting him nowhere.

 

 

 

For as he was the only man in this barren waistland, there was no other adventurer to talk to. The lack of humen contact was eating away at him.

 

 

 

'Hello!'

 

 

 

Vannica gasped! He had heard a voice!

 

 

 

'Hello, who are you, were you?' He gasped in hope.

 

 

 

'Why, I am The Octopus, of course!' Said the empty air.

 

 

 

'You have finally appeared to me! Oh, bless the Gods!'

 

 

 

Vannica fell to the ground; a spasm of laughter has seized him. It had finally happened.

[issy2]

ooooh nice, lovely start. Gripping, flows well, didn't spot any spelling/grammar mistakes (well except 'dyeing' which should be spelt 'dying'), though pleeease for your sake use ' for speech marks instead of ". Maybe spread out the sentences a bit more, and maybe add a second clause to the the second sentence to help get it started.

 

 

 

So, great start, I like the way you didn't say the cliched '56 wildy levels' but modified it to fit the story. Nice work so far.

[Clown]

Thats for the comments :D Your Peer edit will be taken into account.

[Fripplebubbylover]

it was pretty good. Short, obviously, but that's just because it's the first version and all right? I would like to see more, but it is not the MOST intersting story ever. I'd kind of prefer "sweat dripped from his face" than "sweat pored down his face" :-s

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*** out of *****

[therealtermenator10]

Yup, I agree real good! Great job!