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First off, try to do your best to check spelling and grammer before going into stylistics. :) Not to sound harsh or anything.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When it comes to names, I think to make the story effective, try not to put numbers in them unless you're indicating a namesake (like So and So the Second etc). Also, try not to use the underscores. The last sentence of section one doesn't really help because it says "Explained below", but if it were to be printed, chances are that might even be the last line of a page and would, if literally speaking, leave the reader looking at the bottom to find the explanation of the name. :) Might be good to remove that sentence, or reword it so it flows into Section 2 better.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Though the second section does have a few clicḫ̩̉̉s (finding the home distorted, father gone missing), I can see some good progress ahead. :)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I do not entirely understand your sections though. Are they meant to be chapters? Because they seem to be more like prologues to me. :?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sorry if my commentary seems harsh. :oops: I just got out of my English composition class lol!

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About deleting the next character when you try to edit something, you probably pressed the insert key.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Much the same criticism as Magey, try not to use names that are too similar to in-game names, because it does have a profound effect in destroying the suspension of disbelief. I honestly hated it when a fellow D&D player made a character he named "Doom Tupac." He had that Disintegrate ray aimed at him before he even joined the party.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Running along the same vein, try not to give anyone a title that would be more commonplace in-game.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Also, try to cut back on clicḫ̩̉̉s, and try to give your writing a more active voice, instead of a passive one. Instead of saying "When he went to , he saw and did ," you would do better writing "He made his way to , and looked around. He caught sight of , and did ."

how did u transfer text from microsoft word to here? idlike to know for instalment 2

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Copy and paste, then add in the coding. Takes a while though. :?

its quite good but i mean like it ses reason explained below is section 2 the reason

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(just left a really bad clan go to http://www.rsgems[LikelyScam] then click on the foums nd rs talk if u wnt to laff nd dont mind bad language proper funny)

not bad not great needs some work so B- write on :D :D

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Nice story. Write more please.

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