Blair's Journey

Just a story I started writing last night. All comments and constructive criticism are appreciated.

A warrior long ago fought bravely against many creatures and people. Never fearing, never giving up, and never ending the chase. The thrill did many things for her; until one day, she suddenly disappeared, never to be heard from again. Not many knew that she left behind a daughter, a little baby girl, with hair as white as snow and eyes as green as new tree leaves. Many, many years later, an descendant begins her journey

Chapter 1: The Beginning

Today should be warm and sunny today people! Such a great day to As the weatherman droned on, I rolled over and hit the snooze button. It was morning already.

The last night I had stayed out late partying with a few friends down at the pier. Here in sunny California that is what we did. I groaned and managed to sit up and take a glance at the clock, 6:00 is what it read. If I didnt get up and get ready I might just miss the bus again.

I can not believe I got stuck in summer school again this year I actually did all of the work I grumbled to myself as I climbed out of bed. I trudged out of my room and to the bathroom. I hate waking up this early during the freaking summerI continued to complain to myself as I prepped for a shower. I turned up my favorite oldies station up as loud as it would go and stepped into the warm, cascading water. I sighed and enjoyed the warmth of the water as I shampooed and conditioned my hair. I quickly turned on a blast of cold water right before I stepped out. Relishing the cool water droplets against my back as I stepped out and wrapped a towel around my torso, I was feeling much more refreshed and ready for another day of torture.

I walked into my closet and pulled on a pair of torn up Hollister jeans and a pink Abercrombie sweatshirt thinking that it was just another day in hell I mean Ridgewood Prep. I slipped on a pair of bubblegum pink flats, picked up my backpack and yelled to my father that I was leaving for school.

Stepping out the door I was greeted with a warm blast of salty air. I glanced at the pier longingly where a few hours later there would be a mass of teenagers enjoying the sand and the sun. I forced myself to walk down the street to the bus stop. I had a feeling that someone was watching me, resulting in stopping a few times to look around, but nobody was in sight. As I was about to climb on the bus, I got another eerie feeling that someone was still watching me. I hastily climbed up the stairs as the driver glared at me with a look of contempt and plopped down into the nearest available seat. I quickly snapped open my bright purple sidekick and checked my email as we headed down the road, towards the hellhole that we call school.

I was pulled out of a deep trancelike state when the bus doors suddenly slid open with a deafening creaking noise. I gathered my backpack and purse and trudged down the stairs and onto the road that led to the school. The preppy education the school offered was not the reason most people hated the place. It was the actual school itself: a large, dark, and gloomy place that never seemed to brighten up. Even when we had homecoming or prom, the building looked as dark and gloomy as ever. I ran a hand through my skunk-striped black and white hair and squinted my bright green eyes against the sun. I strutted down the walk. First rule of living here, always look your best, no matter what you were doing, whether you liked it or not. It was just expected of us Ridgewood kids. We always had to be the best in everything.

A tiny brunette hurried down the walk talking a mile a minute on her phone as she hurriedly hung up.

Ohmygawd!! Blair!! Did you hear yet?? There was some mega party down at the spot last night and the cops busted a bunch of kids who where there. Supposedly they were Northlanders! squeaked my best friend Cassie.

Oookay Why exactly do I care about this again? I asked slowly.

She nearly turned a bright red color as she half shouted Tom was there with them, Blair!! He was hanging out with Northlanders, Blair! Our Tom got busted last night. They said he was one of the ones they arrested.

Oh. Look, he hangs out with Northlandershis choice. Just get over it already kay? I ran my fingers through my hair again. Look Ive got to get to class; I really dont need another detention.

I left my stunned, bright faced friend gaping at me as I walked into the building. I did not have the heart to tell her that Tom, our former bffl (best friend for life) had been hanging out with the Northlanders for months now. He just had not wanted it public.

He had left Ridgewood Prep after people found out that he was gay. I had known for a while beforehand, but it came as a shock for other people. As I headed into Ms. Beechworths class, I mumbled hello to a few kids that I knew and sighed. This was going to be a long day.

~ Cheyenne

New paragraph every time a new person speaks.

"Ancestor" should be "descendant."

If this is set our world, our time, as it seems to be, a female warrior in the distant past is highly unlikely. You should know all about the women's rights movement, less than a century ago. Long long ago, women were wives and childbearers, nothing more, sometimes less. A female warrior in those times throws off the believability of a story that otherwise does not require a suspension of disbelief, as nothing so far indicates that it is set anwhere but Earth, 2008.

First off, thank you for the grammatical corrections. Second, It is a story, totally made up at that. Not everything has to make perfect sense. Technically it is in this day and age for the moment. It might not stay that way. Who knows. I personally try not to plan too far ahead into my story so I dont become obsessive about it. Yes I am educated about the womens rights movement but as I said before, this story is pure fiction. Again, thank you for the constructive criticism. I really do appreciate it.

~ Cheyenne

Chapter 2: As the Bell Rings

As I shrugged my backpack off my shoulders and slid into the seat in the front of the classroom, I took a moment to breathe and look around. Nobody was here yet. I was actually early for a change. I took out my books and felt that strange feeling that someone was watching me again.

I quickly walked over to the large windows and saw someone duck down behind the rose bushes. I continued watching and noticed someone peek back up and see me glaring at him or her. I walked calmly back over to my desk, grabbed my stuff and ran to my locker. I glanced around to make sure nobody was following me and shoved my backpack into the locker, slammed the door and headed for the front entrance.

I ran halfway around the building until I got to the rosebushes. The only sign someone had been there were the rather large footprints located in the soil. Yet again, I felt someone looking at me and it made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.

I quickly spun around as the shadow of someone running down the trail into the woods by the school disappeared. There were stories of creepy shadows being seen and kids being scared out of their mind when they went in there. It was like our own haunted forest. I made a quick decision and raced down the path, following the receding shadow. As I ran down the path, I could hear the bell ringing in the distance. Summer school had started, and I was not there.

Ah awesomely done Chey keep up the good work looking forward to reading the rest :

I really like it so far. :thumbsup:

Ooooh yayz :P I guess I can write more than! \ I actually cranked that out in like under an hour last night so its alot better than I thought it would be.

~Cheyenne

I have a feeling this will be longer than Faerie Wonder...

Anyways, I like this, keep going though (likeNom said theres a little historic errors

First off, thank you for the grammatical corrections. Second, It is a story, totally made up at that. Not everything has to make perfect sense. Technically it is in this day and age for the moment. It might not stay that way. Who knows. I personally try not to plan too far ahead into my story so I dont become obsessive about it. Yes I am educated about the womens rights movement but as I said before, this story is pure fiction. Again, thank you for the constructive criticism. I really do appreciate it.

 

 

 

 

 

~ Cheyenne

You can't hide behind "it's fiction so I can do whatever I want." Yes, it is fiction, but there has been no indication that it is fantasy. Therefore you must adhere to the rules and history of our world.

I don't understand the "it's set in our world at the moment" comment either. What, in paragraphs to come space-time will suddenly warp and all of a sudden it's a fantasy world? Unless it is actually a fantasy world that is similar to ours, that doesn't make sense. But it can't be a fantasy world, because you just said it's ours.

Lol im not going to explain that comment first of all. I would rather keep you guessing. Bluejay hun.. it probably will be longer. Plus think of it this way, I never said where her ancestors were from. I only confirmed where the character is living now. All I ask is that you don't judge it before you know more about it.

~ Cheyenne

Btw.. more should be written sometime today if this migraine diminishes a bit.