-<A Tale of Prejudice>- Revised and Reformated!

Chapter I

------What's wrong with people?, Jack thought angrily as he walked down the street. Why did we move here?. Jack had just completed his first day of school. It wasn't fun. Being the only human in his class, he was stared at like something in a freak show. However, whenever he tried to approach someone, they just ignored him. A few of them had been friendly, though, like the talkative boy in his class who got in trouble frequently. Deep in thought, Jack didn't see the donkey cart going down the street. The donkey walked past him, but the cart struck him and knocked him onto the gravel.

------"Watch it!" the driver of the cart snapped.

------"Sorry," Jack replied. He got up and wiped the pale dust off his clothes. The donkey cart continued down the road. Jack had taken only a few steps when he realized that he didn't know which way his house was. He retraced his steps, carefully looking at the wooden signposts that indicated which street he was on, but to no avail. His heartbeat quickening, Jack continued to search about, when he something occured to him. What am I doing?, he thought. Why not just ask for directions?. He stopped by a cabbage stand manned by a red-haired dwarf male.

------"Excuse me, sir," Jack said. "Do you know where Arlingten Street is?"

------"Go down four blocks, then take a right" answered the dwarf unenthusiastically, pointing down the street.

------Thank you!" Jack said. He immediately dashed down the gravel road, swerving around carts and people. Finally he reached a four-way intersection. A wooden signpost pointing to the right read "Arlingten Street".

------"Thank Guthix," Jack panted. He walked down the street until he reached his apartment building. He entered the dark stone building and climbed up five flights of stairs until he reached his room.

------"How was your day at the new school?" Jack's mother asked as he stepped in.

------"It was fine," Jack lied.

-------Jack entered his room and set his bag on the mat that was his bed. He sighed and looked out his window, which was no more than a rectangular hole in the wall. Even after several days, he was still somewhat surprised to not see a sky. The city of Keldagrim was, for the most part, underground.

-------The cave ceiling, made of the same gray rock that seemed to be the building material of everything within a hundred miles, was around 500 feet above the ground and was supported by numerous gargantuan stone pillars. A number of sunroofs provided light and ventilation, but the city was still fairly dark and the air stagnant and polluted. Despite this, the city still managed to appear attractive. Neat rows of stone buildings divided by straight roads paved with gravel or cobblestones, depending on how wealthy the neighborhood, filled Jack's vision and the broad Kelda river seeped in through the huge northern entrance of the city, and flowed out through the southern entrance.

-------Jack's family had moved to Keldagrim just three days ago in search of a solution to their financial situation. His father already got a job as a plumber in the new city. He took in the view for a few more moments, and then left his room.

-------"I'll be outside," Jack told his mother, who was busy organizing various objects in their new home.

-------"Be back before dinner!" she called to him just before he shut the door.

------For the past few days, Jack had been exploring the huge city, getting to know his new hometown. Jack went down the stairs and out the front door of his apartment building. Arlingten street, as usual, was packed with pedastrians and animals. Jack walked down the street until he found a vendor he had noticed before that was selling maps of the city. He bought one with a few coins he found in the pocket of his breeches. Jack studied the map until he found Arlingten Street, which ran east-to-west in the southeastern section of the city.

------Carefully following the map, Jack walked eastward some half a mile, occasionally bumping into objects and people, until he reached the Kelda river. Stopping briefly to admire the river, Jack made a left turn and started walking south, parallel to the Kelda. Along the way he passed the Asgarnian Embassy, which was enclosed by a high wall and guarded by archers wielding longbows and wearing white chainmail armour. The Embassy was brightly illuminated by a skylight, and Jack could see that the guards were scanning the passerby, looking for suspicious individuals. Somewhat intimidated, Jack quickened his pace.

------Minutes later, Jack saw the southern entrance, a huge gaping hole that swallowed the Kelda and spilled sunlight into the dark city. Jack headed toward the light and as soon as his eyes adjusted to the brightness, vast mountains entered his line of vision. Awestruck, he started running and skillfully dodged around the traffic. Jack went out the entrance and paused to take in the view.

------Gargantuan peaks, covered with snow despite the fact that it was summertime, towered above Jack in all directions. Before him was a rocky hillside, and the road he was just walking on turned into a broad staircase carved into the rock. The Kelda poured down the slope, and thousands of feet below him, cut its way through a gorge.

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------Several hours later, Jack was having dinner with his mother and his nine year-old younger sister, Karen. His father was working overtime in order to support his family. The meal his mother made consisted of potatoes and some cabbages.

------"Wow, those mountains sound awesome," Karen asked with her mouth full.

------"Yeah," Jack told his sister. "Maybe I could show you tomorrow."

------"Nah, I'm going to play with some of the dwarf kids tomorrow," Karen said. "This city's pretty nice."

---------------------

Ummm its a bit short to really make any sort of statement on wether it was good or not.

It seems interesting, and if there is more then I would read it.

I'll write more whenever I can. I can tell you for sure, this isn't the whole thing.

Chapter II

------"Jack! Are you listening?" Mr. Forther snapped.

------"Huh?" Jack replied.

------"You better start paying attention, or I'll get the cane", Mr Forther threatened. Jack had no idea what a cane was, but he decided it probably wasn't the right time to mention that. He sat up straight in his chair. "As I was saying, the igneous rock is formed by..."

------This is boring, Jack thought. The classroom was a large, dimly lit room with gray stone walls and terra cotta floor tiles. 15 students sat in unpainted wooden desks that, being made for dwarves, were uncomfortably small for Jack. Dwarves were stockier in comparison to humans, so the main issue was leg room. Jack has expierimented with various positions until Mr. Forther told him to sit properly.

------Avilon Forther, if your I.Q. is so low you didn't figure it out already, Jack's teacher. He was a fierce-looking dwarf with short brown hair and a large carefully combed beard. He always dressed in the black uniform of a dwarven Army captain, apparently to intimidate his students. The tactic worked, and the teenage schoolchildren cowered like 5-year olds until he told them to sit up. For Saradomin's sake, I don't think I can take it! Jack sighed and continued listening to his teacher's lecture on igneous rocks. Fortunately, this was the only year he would have to go to school. The citizens of Keldagrim could only receive 8 years of free education.

------Finally, after what seemed like hours, lunchtime came. Jack's school had only 3 classes; one 6th grade class, one 7th grade, and one 8th grade. The students had to bring their own lunches, and today Jack had some beef jerky and a piece of bread that he kept in a small sack under his chair. He bent down to grab it and joined the rest of his class in the hallway.

------Jack's school was just three adjacent classrooms, a large oblong lunchrooom, and a corridor sandwiched in between. Jack and the other students entered the lunchroom. The lunchroom was exactly like the classrooms; same walls, same floor. Two long tables with benches filled the space. Jack remebered the promise he had made to himself yesterday: make some new friends. Jack sat down by some kids.

------"Go away, human," one of them sneered, emphasizing the word "human" as if it were a type of poisonous spider. The rest shifted in their seats, away from Jack. Surprised by their negative reactions, Jack quickly got up and sat by a second group, a boy and a girl.

------"Hi," Jack said.

------"Hello," said the boy, the same one who was friendly to him yesterday. "You must be the new kid. Jake, isn't it?"

------"It's Jack. What's your name?"

------"I'm Phil," said the boy.

------"I'm Theresa," said the girl. Maybe making some new friends won't be so hard after all.

------"What's with those other kids?" Jack asked. He briefly described their behaviour.

------"Well, a lot of people here are still suspicious of humans, after that war, especially Asgarnians. You must be new to the city, then, if you don't know that. So... what'ya like about Keldagrim?"

------Jack took the beef jerky out of his sack and wrapped the piece of bread around it. "I like the river."

------"What can you tell me about the river?" Jack asked. Phil immediately started talking nonstop about the Kelda. Phil had dark and and large brown eyes. Theresa had straight brown hair and bright green eyes. Both were a foot shorter than he was.

------"And that's how the sewer system works. Do you want us to show you around the city this afternoon?" Phil asked.

------"Sure".

--------------------

------The dock shook violently as Jack nervously stepped onto it. "Oh, c'mon, there's nothing to be afraid of," Phil reassured him. The wooden dock was about forty feet long, with about a dozen small boats on each side, fastened to it by ropes. Phil got into one of the boats, which apparently was called a "kayak" and unfastened the rope that secured it. He grabbed a double bladed paddle from the inside of the kayak and started rowing out into the river. Aven and Theresa did the same thing, and after a moment's hesitation, so did Jack.

------This stretch of the Kelda was lit by a number of skylights. Normally that would result in retina-scorching glare for the cave-dwellers, but today the skies were overcast . The current was not as strong as Jack had expected, the river sluggishly moved southward at under two miles an hour. "C'mon, follow me," Phil called out to Jack as he started rowing with the current. Imitating Phil, Jack clumsily used his paddle to turn his boat and attempted to keep up with the more expierienced dwarves. The river was packed with large barges carrying raw material, water taxis transporting the citizens of Keldagrim, and other small boats like Jack's. He had to carefully maneuver around the water traffic and occasionally lost sight of his friends as boats steered in front of him.

------Left, right, left, right, Jack's arms began to tire after a half hour or so, but he ignored it and kept on rowing. Phil, Aven and Theresa made a sudden left turn into a narrow canal lined with decrepit buildings. Jack, hastily turning to follow them, narrowly escaped colliding with a barge.

------"Where are we going?" Jack asked.

------"You'll see," Phil replied. The canal opened up into a wide lake. Houses lined part of the shore while a number of wooden docks filled the area nearest to the canal, right next to a number of small buildings with large piles of dead fish piled in front of them. Needless to say, there weren't any houses nearby. They rowed towards the docks, which were full of fishing boats, so they dragged their kayaks up the shore.

------"What are we doing here?" Jack asked. There didn't seems to be anything interesting here. Before anyone could answer her question, a teenage dwarf several years older than himself stepped out of the nearest building.

------"Hello! What're you doing here?" he asked upon spotting them. "Who's this?"

------This is Jack," Phil said. "He moved in here a few days ago." He turned to Jack. "This is Barry. He works here." Barry, though several inches shorter than Jack, was very tall for a dwarf. He had long, white-blond hair and was wearing a blood-stained white apron. "We're showing them around," Phil said to Barry. "By the way, could you keep an eye on these kayaks? They're rented."

------"No problem," Barry said. "Hey, Jack. If you're going to live here, you're gonna have to get used to the scent." He laughed as he grabbed a large net full of fish and dragged it back into the building.

------"We're here to show you a place where us three and some others sometimes meet, and then we'll go down to the rapids." Phil said to Jack. A number of questions were running through Jack's head, but he just nodded. They started up the beach, passing the building Barry worked in and entered a narrow street. This area was apparently part of Keldagrim's fishing district; the sound of knives decapacitating fish filled Jack's ears and the smell of dead fish filled the air. Most of the buildings were old and in need of repair, and the street was littered with trash and fish guts. Then, they stopped in front of a large building.

------The building was two stories high and was built out of gray stone like most of the other buildings in the city. The roof was once covered in slate tiles, but most of them were gone, revealing moss- covered rafters. There were many windows, but the ones that had not been shattered were so grimy that Jack could not see through them.

The door had fallen off its hinges and was propped against the wall. The building appeared to be a warehouse of some sorts, though it must've been abandoned for decades.

------"Here we are," Phil announced, stepping inside. Jack and the others followed. The interior was rather dark except where the light from the windows hit the floor, reminding Jack of the rest of Keldagrim. Numerous crates were piled against the bare walls.

------"We used to play hide-and-go-seek and other games here," Theresa said with a somewhat sad voice.

------"But what we did as little kids is not important," Phil said. He walked to a corner of the building and opened a trapdoor that Jack had not noticed before. Jack quickly walked towards where he was standing. The trapdoor led to a tunnel that dropped vertically downward for about ten feet, then went straight. Nothing more could be seen in the dim light, other than an old wooden ladder. "This tunnel was built decades ago to smuggle illegal wares across the city. The black market was closed quite a while ago, but the tunnels survive. From here, we can travel all across the city." Phil smiled and started climbing down the ladder. Jack and the others followed.

------The tunnel was square, about five feet tall and three feet wide. It was dug through the stone and supported by sturdy wooden timbers. It was very dark, and the three were very cramped in the tiny space.

* Try to keep all your story parts in your original post

* It's a bit too short to net many reviews, so don't expect many. Once you get a few more parts with a bit more plot, you can expect more feedback

Thats a lie...I write long posts and don't get feedback...well alot anyway...Xewleer writes long posts and they get only alittle feedback.

The chances are you will only get a small amount of feedback no matter what. When people reply en-mass it means your story was so good they have nothing really to say...

But on the first point, if you are getting alot of reviews then post your story in the original post to make sure people read it...otherwise just post when you feel like it...try to make longer posts though....

On the positive side of the coin...this part was really quite good, it set the scene and gave us a good look into the state of mind of Jack. We are also told a small amount of his history, in that he is quite poor, and that he used to live above ground, where we don't know but its something. There is also yet to be a substational plot devolpment. We know that they are obvouisly looking for money, but that is a very far reaching plot and one that is usually solved slowly over a long period of time...in the same way the Charlie in Willy Wonkers Chocolate Factory had a poor family, and it was eventually solved at the end of the story in an unlikely way...

So we are looking out for a potential storyline....

Thanks for the compliments, archmage. I write small sections of the story and then post it, so I probably won't have any large posts. By the way, how do you indent, because using spaces doesn't work.

______Well...the way I found best was to under line and then use the under score button...

Alternatively you can use a white font

fffffffffand do it that way

It only works on some of the frame settings though...I have subsilver so my backround is silverish so I can see the white...to over come this use a quote box

fffffffffLike so

Anyway way you chose, except the middle one, you will need to keep for the entire story...and the middle one works only on those with a white background...

If you want to be really clever though you can create a little white picture(I recommend Tinypic) and put that in at the front of the line...though again that suffers from different backgrounds....

I think that is all the ways I know how to do it...there is probably some obscure way to do it otherwise but those 3 are probably the easiest....

______[u]Well...the way I found best[/u]



[color=white]fffffffff[/color]and do it that way





[quote][color=white]fffffffff[/color]Like so[/quote]

Reserved.

Hmmmm Interestings devolpments.(As part of my new....style...I will not be predicting the storyline)

Anywho. It was a good installment, the bit about the pun being intented was perhaps not required....of course if you shrunk it to fit the size of a space you could hid it there....in a white font.(Thats just me though) Ummm the only bad thing was a bit of a lack of description, buts its ok because of the comparitively short parts of the story.

Actually, I would like it if you tried to predict the storyline. It's going to be a fairly short story, and the plot won't be very complex.

No I have to resist, in honur of Xweleer being forced(Use the term lightly) to read my 20k word story.

But if it is going to be short then you should still make an effort to make it alittle complex...its what makes the ordianry, extra-ordinary.

And my spelling terrible

You're right, I should make the plot more complex. I just had a great idea to do that.

As you can see, instead of making a new post, I just added more to the last one *crowd gasps, some faint*.

Might be helpful to put a line of

------------------------------------

To mark the change in the story, it tooks a while to find it....

Its good though.

I'll be at camp for the next week, so there won't be new posts for a while. :(

As you can see, I changed the title. I'll be posting more later this week, hopefully.

-Reserved-

Bump.

Reserved.

I was in a patch of writer's block*, but it's all better now! I should be posting more soon.

*This is a lie. The only reason I didn't write more is because I was too busy watching TV all day.