This is a draft of something that was to be published next week. Don't ask how I got it, I had to do a lot of things I'm not proud of for this copy.
Last month we announced that 90% of players enjoyed the Squeal of Fortune, making it the most approved update ever. Now, we'd like to amend that statement. The actual figure is close to 88%. This still makes it one of the most widely loved updates in the history of gaming, and we thought we'd celebrate with some new additions to the Jagex store!
Have you ever wanted to be able to exercise while you played Runescape? Then this Yelps punching bag is the perfect item for you! It features advanced technology that makes it squeal like a goblin whenever it's hit, and is made of a newly discovered material that is nearly indestructible. It's also compact enough to fit beside the average computer desk, so that you can increase your muscle mass and speed while increasing your character's agility in game. Expect to see it in our store in time for the holidays!
Every purchase and preorder will come with 400 free spins on the Squeal of Fortune and three months of membership, absolutely free!