Merker

His breath turned into mist as he breathed slowly in the nights cold reign, he was laying stiffly with a shotgun* resting on his shoulder. His hood disguised his face as a teenager while his lean legs made him a child, but he was old with kills and screams of victims. But he pushed them out of his mind with the money he was- 'Oh wait...' The man thought looking on the street below, he had chosen the shotgun for it's strength and he knew it was innacurate at long distance, but he wasn't at a long distance, Yet. 'There he is!' He almost said outloud, he was now following a man in a tuxedo with black tinted glasses and a small mod of similiar men with his sharp eyes. He was now following the man with the D.I.Y scope attatched to his shotgun. Just when they were below him [he was on a building] he got the shotguns crosshares on the boss and shot, it echoed through the once silent and with that he quickly finished off the mobsters aswell and he just had enough time to pick up the shotgun shells and quickly spray the area where he had been laying with soap and water. He then ran as fast as he did when he had escaped prison in China and he was already halfway to the airport. - ~ - ~ - ~ 'Tickets please?' The lady at the entrance said, he searched his jeans pockets and only found a packet of chewing gum and a 20 cent piece. He cursed, remembering he had left the tickets at the apartment in which he had left locked and told the landlord he was leaving [giving him the keys]. He knew it was a hopeless situation and he then shuffled to the back of the crowd to get some air. Once he had reached this he saw about 16 police officers racing up an escalator. 'Freeze!' They shouted around the air port waving their guns around. The hitman looked innocent enough but he knew he would be found, experience. He then did something that was far beyond the emotional capabilities of other humans, he drew a knife made of a new ore in which was not found in airport security systems.' He walked forward in striking position towards a policeman who was searching a woman and patting down her sides, he slit his neck quickly and almost with that he got to the other 5 on that story of the airport, the crowd had watched helplesly and some had ran into toilets for a quick escape. He then saw masses of S.W.A.T teams organising themselves on the 1st story of the building. They saw him coming down the escalator and automaticly they let loose mass volleys of bullets, some hit him in the body but never the less he continued to run, his knife bared like dogs teeth and he stabbed a policeofficer uniform and he dropped like an anvil. He had taken about 7 bullets before he had been killed, he was determined, like we all should be.

OMFG I HATE THAT STORY!!! I mean the description and stuff was alright, but WHY!?! WHY DID THE NANITES HAVE TO WIN!?!? WHY!?! Bloody stupid nanites... Gawd... Maybe a human appears or something possibly and he kills the nanites?

Jee, the posts on this forum come quick! I'm used to writing a few replies and then waiting tommorow to see them x] but yeah, I would make something interesting happen, maybe a monster crashing through the ships hull [illogical as it may seem, it's an idea]. Your story, your world.

Ah! heaps good, very funny. A criminal K9.

Well this may be a bit blank, but most of the crew seem a bit robot-like. I would suggest a character but I think you are being sarcastic. I was thinking along the lines of a rookie or something who does things differently like instead of aye he is like 'uh yes sir' or something. But if this seems pretty useless not all comments have to be considered :)

This bores me a bit, due to the fact it is absolutely cliche! It is so common, like Star Trek or something. I really do not like that, also it seems everyone talks the same, it's like they are all royalty, some of them need a different sort of personality.

It is now but I'm only a quarter through it.

That's heaps good man, but I would keep it as a poem rather than a story, but nice! 9/10 !

Yeah... Well, thanks for commenting on my story thread.

Hmmm... Alright, thanks! Is the story good? Does it need more characters? Anything else?

Are their any Fancy Dress competetions on this website? I would like to know, because I would have great honour in making one but if their is I wouldn't want to look like I'm trying to copy people. Thanks -Merker

Nice story, but I thought I would like to know more about the person who witnessed the ship sink but absolutely good, I would definitly read it if it was published. Good work!

Ok, well now that we've cleaned the slate, how about some CC? :-)

It is important because I have made my own characters, ok! I made them before that guy even commented, alright. Please give me advice about my story because I have made it go on a little further, I will take social lessons later. I know you were giving me advice but I didn't need it, I don't even know where he got that idea from! Edit: Where I come from, that's called off-topic spam.

*sigh* I HAVE MADE MY OWN CHARACTERS! bloody 'ell. UPDATE.

Uhhmm... Dude, I can still have creative writing while having pieces of other peoples personality. EDIT: UPDATED :D

Uhhhm... Yeah. lol, basicly, I'll get onto the story later. Also, can you bump your own post if you have updated it?

Hey there, I'm doing a story about 2 people who can not be identified as villian or hero, but they can only do it in their own eyes. I'm quite young, which would explain the lack of writing skills in this story. But I believe it is above startdard for my age. Also, I was MerkStar until I forgot my password, I think it was just the capital... But oh well. BIOS - OPEN ____________________________________ Parts Part 1 - The damned beginning Part 2 - A Pirates Life is for me ____________________________________ Story The damned beginning He spied his island carefully, looking for any new bones of past explorers on the white beach from his small villa situated on the side of the island's volcano. He sipped at his wine hastily and spat it out on the dry and dirty wood of his balcony, he didn't enjoy it outside, even on the balcony but he knew three of his sentries had gone blind awhile back but simply lied to gain profit. He thought and thought that soon enough he would gain reinforcements to fortify the island, but he knew they wouldn't come from the barbarians. They promised reinforcements if they could colonise the North Island, they sure colonised it but no reinforcements came, he thought of burning the colony down but then it would be a global affair, so he'd need to get someone who is trust worthy someone like... These thoughts swirled around in his brain like the wine glass he was holding, barbarians, reinforcements, sentries, wine... He fall asleep. * * * Jerry crossed the gangplank carefully looking into the water, it wasn't common to fall of it but it had happened enough to him. He was used to exploring the Kharidian Desert or the Khazari Jungle by foot, but he had explored those areas and they were added to the Gielnor Map quickly, he had explored so many areas there was just not enough left. Jerry found him out of a job as soon as the mappers believed they had the Map of Gielnor, which was quite soon. But quickly enough as that happened a rumour soon came in from Shilo Village that there was an island north of Ape Atoll, Jerry was surprised as he had observed the White Sea from the Khazari Jungle and he found nothing, but back onto the story. He walked onto the ship deck, it was a small ship. 10x smaller than a warship with 5 cannons on each side, ready for any hostile intruders. He went down a small ladder that was behind the first sail, he found himself in an open room, probably all the ships hull. On one side it was stacked with crates and the onions and ham legs were stringed from the ceiling. While in the middle you could see the backs of black cannons and on the side he came on he saw 6 beds made on the floor with one blanket and a pillow each. The wall of the ship had small holes everwhere and black marks here and there from old conflicts. He paused, looking at all this stuff. Majorly dissapointed with it, was this even the right ship he thought? But he remembered the sign on the side of the gangplank. 'HMRSS Young Mary'. It, from it's condition, was definitly not young. 'Beauty she is,' A rough voice from behind came 'Fought in the in the epic sea battle between the Void Knights and the Sea Pests, she was transporting good ol' Void Knight George...' Jerry spun around and behind him was a bare chested man with tan coloured polyester pants, with his rib cage distinct and his face was smothered in charcoal. But it made no mear difference as he was tanned heavily from working on the Young Mary. 'Uhhhmmm...' Jerry moaned 'Hi.' 'Ah, hello mate, I see ya going exploring again' The man said enthuisiasticly, he was obviously curious about the explorer he had heard about. 'Yeah, I guess so...' 'Well, what was it like in that jungle?' 'Well it was...' This happened to go on for a little while until 3 soldiers a 7 man cannon crew appeared, in which they set off to sail towards the White Sea. Everyone seemed to get on. Part 2 - A pirates life is for me Rain pelted heavily against the decks on board the Young Mary, everyone was inside apart from the captain, whom had meet Jerry in the last part. He was wearing nothing but his pants, squinting through his eyes and steering, in all of this confusion he heard a cannon burst and yells of more men than he had heard in his whole life. Then splinters fall weakly from the sky, merely twigs but once a strong barrier between the sea and the ship's hull. Then someone grabbed him by the should, immideatly he stopped and looked around, luckily, it was only Jerry and he was trying to say something but it couldn't be heard. Jerry was pointing to the ladder below so David [the steerer] quickly joined him to the ships lader where they slipped numerously on the deck but got in the ship's hull eventually. David now saw the damage. There was water filling the ship quickly from a hole, the size of a cannon ball in which blood stained the edges and a guard was lying next to the hole with ruined chainmail with pieces of flesh attatched to the broken links. He felt a knock against his head, yet again he turned around, but he didn't make it.