luckystrike

I've tried letting go before and it hasn't worked. I always find myself back to where I started. Before seeing her last weekend, I hadn't seen her in a month, but texted her a lot. I was really happy to see her and she told me at least five times how much she missed me. She just sees this as something else I guess. Prior to seeing her this weekend, I'd rate my depression/thinking about her scale at a 7. But now, a few days after seeing her its a 9.5 (hence my return to a forum for a game I played almost six years ago). Letting go really isn't easy. I've deleted her off my phone several times, but then ended up memorizing her phone number (even when she recently got a new phone and number). I've stopped using twitter to avoid reading her updates but now I find that I type in the URL to her twitter account almost by muscle memory whenever I open my browser. I'm not just physically attracted to her anymore, that's the thing. Somedays I'm fine and don't need her and other days the urge peaks and I just have to message/talk to her. I'm going to try again to forget about her though. If she genuinely means it when she says she doesn't want to let me go, I guess we'll find out now?

I really need help here. I had a huge crush on this girl during my senior year of High School (last year). She was a year younger, but I could never muster the courage to approach her. Long story short, I approached her last April, we started talking, and eventually we started hooking up. We talked a lot over the summer and hooked up a lot (no sex though). I'm not one to actively chase girls. She's the only girl I've ever kissed sober. What was initially a physical attraction to her has now manifested itself into a full out obsession over everything about her. I love everything about her, even her flaws and imperfections (and oh man there are many). I've told her on several occasions how much I like her, how much she means to me, and how I want a relationship. She explained to me that her last relationship didn't end well and she was devastated after the break-up. Ever since losing her first love, she has become anti-relationship and against commitments. So, all she really wants is to be "special friends." Although I want a relationship and she doesn't, I agreed to this "special" friends thing because I couldn't bear the thought of losing her. I've tried letting her go, because I know what we're doing now isn't for me as it really hurts to not be in a relationship with her. To be honest, I haven't been happy about us ever since we first hooked up. I feel left out and unwanted by her even though she continues to remind me that she doesn't want to lose me and how I'm such a great guy. When I see her, I'm ecstatic, but the next day I'll feel terrible because I'm reminded that she's not mine. I spent most of the summer really depressed because of this, even though I was seeing her almost every week. I can't get my mind off her, I think about her everyday. She knows this too! What do I do? I don't know if I'm obsessed with her because I've been "rejected: or if I actually love her. I've tried letting go but I always find myself texting her again and seeing her. Will she ever want a relationship with me? If we were in a relationship, I'd be prepared to lose my virginity to her. I've pushed sex away because I'm scared of the emotions it comes with. I'm already an emotional mess as it is.