A sample of a short story I am writing

[Kyle85]

(As the title states, this is the first few paragraphs of a short story I am writing. It is supposed to be set during the collapse of the Roman Empire, but there are some parts that aren't historically accurate as I am writing this all from my head and there has been no research what so ever. All comments and criticism is welcome, but please no "IT SUKS!!!!11!!!!11111." That just not polite and only shows you are an iliterate brat. Also, if you notice the pace of the story changing really fast, or parts that should be described a little more, pm me them, I have a little problem when I am writing I always seem to get in a bit of a hurry and bad things happen to good stories. Enjoy!)

 

 

 

 

 

 

The putrid stench of death was everywhere. The cobblestone streets that once shined as if they were made with thousands of diamonds were now soaked in the blood of the fallen. As far as the eye could see there were bodies, there was no corner, no room that was absent from the morbid scene. A dense fog had settled into the city since the end of the battle, allowing little light from the full moon which seemed to float above the once vibrant city. In a way, I envied the moon. It did not have to worry about the troubles of men. It never had to be prepared to die in battle; it never had to wash the blood of another man from itself.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I walked into what was once a temple, but was made into a field hospital for the wounded. I was lucky enough to have been in another province at the time of the battle, only arriving after my legion was called in to secure what was left of the city. I have never tasted battle, yet somehow, as I took in the scene that lay before me, I feel as if I was a battle hardened soldier. I felt as if I should be used to the putrid stench of death. I felt I should not have been shocked by all of this. Even after throwing up several times, I still felt as if I had been through all of this before.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I looked to the west where a large portion of the city was still burning. I could hear the yells of the men sent to extinguish the flames. I did not envy these men fore they were the slaves who had only joined the legion after being promised their freedom. I pitied these men then, and I pity them today because they were always the first to enter the battle, and always the first to die. They always fought with an intensity that could only be found in men that had nothing to lose and everything to gain. I often found myself wishing I had the spirit that some of those men had. I wished that I did not fear death as they do, but even during the never ending training exercises that we were put through did I have the same courage, the same intensity as they did.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I heard a bell being rung from somewhere in the town and knew that I could leave my post to sleep. I slowly climbed down the badly damaged ladder, almost falling through the several broken steps. Once my feet were firmly planted on the ground and a new sentry began his ascent up the ladder I made my way towards my tent. The canvas was worn and had several makeshift patches on it, but it was a welcome sight as I tucked my helmet under my arm and weaved through the maze of other tents. A small fire was burning several feet away, where two men sat, sipping on hot tea they had managed to find in one of the buildings. I began walking towards them, ready to complain about the long hours and the smell, but as I got closer and closer I noticed that their armor was ripped and they had several deep gashes on their arms and legs. There was no doubt in my mind that these men were two of the few men that had made it out of the battle alive. I abruptly stopped and turned around quickly making my way back to my tent, ashamed that I was complaining of the long hours and the stench, when they had fought for two days and the stench was coming from men that they considered comrades.

 

 

 

[ste_mc_efc]

very good but er is that all ur gonna post here?

[Prodigal_Son]

I like it, but you should probably post more.

[barfbag]

beutiful!!!!!!!! Your attention to detail was outstanding!!

 

 

 

If I was a judje, you would get a 10/10, plus 1 for all the gorry details.

 

 

 

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