The Creation of Elvarg

[Dizzle229]

Elvarg was not a naturaly born dragon. She was an experiment gone wrong. The wizards in the Tower of Life were attempting the first necromancy spell. Using the carcasses of every type of dragon known to man, to try and make a guardian for the original wizards tower on Crandor. Unfortunately, the wizards didn't account for two things. The first was that one of the wizards who helped to create the Tower of Life was an evil wizard named Argrimis. The second is that you should never try to tamper with the nature of death. What is dead must stay dead. Argrimis corrupted the spell, to give Elvarg the need to destroy everything in sight, instead of the need to protect. When Elvarg was sent to Crandor, Argrimis casted the spell. He expected the dragon to destroy everything but him. His spell worked in making Elvarg evil, but it also gave her a mind of her own. Argrimis was the only one who knew a spell that could destroy Elvarg. He was killed in the destruction of Crandor. Years later, a hero named Zezima killed Elvarg. But she was not destroyed. Only Argrimis's spell could do it permanantly. And someday soon, Elvarg will be back...

[llamster]

This sounds like something you would read on the back cover of a novel. I'm sure you can do better.

[Bluejayfan94]

I agree with llamster...

 

This is like the back cover of a book. And also, you have to know that the original Wizards' Tower was where the new one is. Alos Zezima wasn't the first to kill Elvarg.

 

 

 

It was me!!! :twisted: jk But really, Zezima wasn't the first... I dont know the first on but wasn't him.

[Dizzle229]

thnx guys i appreciate the constructive criticism without the flaming. if i decide to add to the story ill post here so keep checking the thread.

[Bluejayfan94]

Im surprised Archimage never posted on here yet. He will give you the best constructive criticism.

[Dizzle229]

u mean like flaming or like he gives good advice to make it better?

[llamster]

Flaming? You are a very odd person...

 

 

 

He gives good advice to make it better.

[Rsdude099]

Elvarg was not a naturaly born dragon. She was an experiment gone wrong. The wizards in the Tower of Life were attempting the first necromancy spell. Using the carcasses of every type of dragon known to man, to try and make a guardian for the original wizards tower on Crandor. Unfortunately, the wizards didn't account for two things. The first was that one of the wizards who helped to create the Tower of Life was an evil wizard named Argrimis. The second is that you should never try to tamper with the nature of death. What is dead must stay dead. Argrimis corrupted the spell, to give Elvarg the need to destroy everything in sight, instead of the need to protect. When Elvarg was sent to Crandor, Argrimis casted the spell. He expected the dragon to destroy everything but him. His spell worked in making Elvarg evil, but it also gave her a mind of her own. Argrimis was the only one who knew a spell that could destroy Elvarg. He was killed in the destruction of Crandor. Years later, a hero named Zezima killed Elvarg. But she was not destroyed. Only Argrimis's spell could do it permanantly. And someday soon, Elvarg will be back...

Oh I KNOW YOU! YOUR 87CHRIS FROM IGN!

[archimage_a]

*Sigh* The Archimage Legend lives on... :)

 

Usually I only post on stories that no one reads, or no one posts constructively on.

 

Ok lets go from the top...

 

 

 

The story is good but it needs to be expanded. For instantance the first line is completely fine. It sets the story and, although it could be made better, it works to make the story go fowards.

 

To be honest the story is fine overall, and despite what others say I am not a literary genius in giving constructive critism, so all I can really do is tell you how you could improve it to make it more interesting to a person like me.

 

 

 

Elvarg was not a naturaly born dragon.

 

As I said its fine like it is, but...it lacks any sort of action behind it. Ok it grabs my attention in the way that any 'What if" story grabs me but it doesn't get me interested beyond that. If you look at my stories, you will see that I usually start with an actiony bit to get the reader. Give them a cliff hanger.

 

(As a side note we arn't supposed to use famous characters)

 

 

 

The sword broke though the hide of the beast one last time. Zezima pulled the sword from it. This was Elvarg, the first and only truely Magical Dragon.

 

 

 

Ok we have action, we have an event and we have the first line expanded. To be honest there is not alot to work with inside the story and I can't create anything new really...so I am stuck with this which stifled my creativity.

 

It immediately sets the scene as this is the story of Elvarg, and people will think this is the story of how it died. But then you can lanuch into your back story. The stage has been set, if this is the last Truely Magical dragon people want to know why?

 

Also when you are writing don't be afraid to get lost in pointless side stories and meaningless stuff like that. It does't add anything to the story you want to tell but it makes the reader feel part of the reality. You could easierly make a page out of the fight from Zezima, and ten more from the daily goings on that lead to Elvarg's creation.

 

Let us get to know the characters. Let us get to know the insane tinkerings of John Asquith, the person who came up with the idea in the first place. How he struggled though his life to get to were he needed to get to, and then how he bet his life on this project and payed the ultimate price. Let us get to know the Hero, don't use Zezima, use Abbort Rosha. A young boy who was entrusted with his fathers dying words and how his life was changed when he stumbled into the dark caves of Crandor to see this monster lurching towards him. It doesn't have to be the wonderful dual of power that everyone expects. It can simply be a lucky strike, or something unknown entirely, as if he was charged with defeating Elvarg. Only to then have the room erupt into fire around him and then....

 

Let us get to know the brave and powerful Sir Saracen, who journies to the hidden isles, so that he my destroy the beast, and in its place he finds a boy. A boy that becomes the dragon, for all those years ago the fires consummed Rosha, taking his life force and feeding the dragon with it. How Saracen fight a bitter battle, eventually taking refuge behind piles of rubble. Or escaping down the passages, down into the unknown bowels of the volcano itself. Fighting over a few days, always trying to keep one step ahead. Meeting the fierce Volcano Goblins or something.

 

Just create a reality, not just a story.

 

Create a World not just a Scene.

 

If the characters are believable then the story will be believable, and if the story is believable when Saracen is vaulting streams of lava with Elvarg circling above him, trying to each reach the source of Elvarg's power, or indeed that of Runescapes all together....

 

 

 

Thrust a person, who could be anyone of us into a situation that none of us could handle, and react as they would. Create a person and become them while you write, don't use your own morals or your own character as a guide. When you are thinking, think 'What am I going to do next?" not "What will Rosha do next?"

 

Those are the things that make a story from good to brilliant.