May i introduce my self I am Vitross A Dark Warrior from the realm of Cysik-Vitum and this is my story....

 

 

 

A Blade.. that's all i came for and look at me now surrounded by a group of Apocalypse knights each ready to rip my body apart

 

even with my Crystal powered armour i got a one in a hundred chance I'm dead i know this but i wont go down without a fight...

 

 

 

A Flash..

 

Silence..

 

I make my move knowing full well that i will die it doesn't stop me at all in a brief instant i See the face of one of them a masque of pure hatred and evil and i lunge i smell the coppery scent of blood as it runs down my blade

 

an instant later they converge on me and rip me apart...

 

 

 

A blackness engulfs me i feel the sweet grasp of death grab me i tried lord knows i tried but it wasnt enough it was never enough i bid you farewell my family friends and enemies

 

 

 

well that's all for tonight

fell free to add on just don't kill off all the apocalypse knights

Loads of grammar and punctuation mistakes.

So let me get this straight...This is the whole of your story but you want other people to add to it? Sorry if I sound saracastic I am being serouis what do you want people to do?

 

 

 

But anyway as Llamster said there quite a few mistakes, but the general point came across...you might want to try a style more like this:

 

(imagine the scene and the change it around you as you want it to turn out)

 

 

 

May I introduce myself, I am Vitross, A Dark Warrior from the realm of Cysik-Vitum and this is my story...

 

 

 

A Blade...that was all I came for and look where it got me; surrounded by Apocalypse knights, each one ready to rip my body apart.

 

Even if I factored in my Crystal powered armour, I had a one in a hundred chance of getting out here in less the five peices. I am sure as dead. But if they want me they will lose some of their own in the process

 

 

 

A Flash...Then silence...

 

I ram my sword where the helmet mets the armour, instant death for anyone else but these lot are a bit more tricky. He lunges at me, cutting at air as I roll from his attack. The clank of swords striking the ground behind me puts me on the edge even more. I know full well that I will die...But they don't know I know that.

 

Leaping from the roll I come face to face with one of them. I see his face, a mask of pure hatred and evil and I thrust my freehand up, drawing his attention and bring my sword up though his chest. I can smell the Iron of his blood as it runs down my blade. But the armour begins to mould around my hand, refusing to let me withdraw my sword so I leave it in. Switching to my dagger and aiming for the eyes I drive it though the gap. Again the armour stops me attacking again but I can fell the hot breath of another night behind me. Desperation takes over, I drive my foot back into his knee enough to force him back, but as I turn I can see another one coming towards me form the right, I flip a kick, taking his helmat off as it connects, as I come back though I can see the sword edge...

 

 

 

Then there is slience. A blackness engulfs me. I feel the leathery grasp of Geath. It grabed my ankle, though the armour, though my socks, though the skin ripping my soul from its fleshy body. I leave this so that people may know that I tried. I tried and I failed. Tell my friends, my family, my enemies that I tried. That this one man was not content just to die, old and useless.

 

what i ment about adding on to it was have your own charecter fight them takeing my place after i died and thank you for pointing out my grammer and punctuation its my 1st story and the fact that it was about 10:30 at night had a little to do with it thanks for the thoughts ill do better with the next one till then.

I peered around the boulder's edge, watching the Apocalyptic knights tear the man's body apart. A small gasp escaped from me.

 

 

 

I'm just an adventurer...Why'd I come across this? I thought out in my mind. A knight turned to see me, his feet crunching the charred ground. My eyes shot open wider than thought possible in pure mortification. I turned, holding my staff. I ran, listening. Silence. They weren't chasing me.

 

 

 

A small whir pierced the air, and time slowed down. I took a few slow steps forward, to feel the cold, rough splintered runite arrow pierce my heel. I groaned in agony. I fell onto my bottom, and grasped the shaft, and tore the sharp arrow from my heel, blood dripping wildly. A knight came up to me, his harsh, raspy breath felt as horrifying as breath could feel. I squinted my eyes shut, waiting for death.

 

 

 

I opened my eyes, staring into the face of my killer, through the cold grill of his helmet. Light from the magma forges revealed a face, burnt and scarred from battle. I reached for the staff, but my short arm could not reach the weapon. I reached into my travel sack, and felt the smooth surface of runes. I pulled them out, to crush them in my hands, to be met by a long, sharp blade, thrust by the knight who's face I had seen. I was shocked, and I stared into his eyes, and he watched me die.

 

 

 

But how could I tell my story if I was dead? I must be alive, if anywhere...