WeatherMatt Posted June 19, 2004 Share Posted June 19, 2004 There's some general rambling that I'd like to say at the end of this post, but for now, here's the story! ----- Adrian's Quest - Prelogue ----- It was a calm summer day in the desert town of Al-Kharid. Two normal parents were strolling the town with their 1-year old son Adrian. After enjoying the sunset and seeing Adrian start to drop off, they decide to head home. They return to their two-story house, pretty advanced by Al-Kharid standards, where most buildings were one story. They tuck Adrian in bed, then decide to retire themselves. The parents go to bed without suspecting a thing. Meanwhile, out towards the large open pit mine north of Al-Kharid, many miners see something suspicious. A tall dark woman is seen on the dark horizon to the north. With her are around twenty men, each equally dressed in black. Most of the gang members are wielding torches, while some have swords in hand as well. The miners, seeing this army, hide from sight. The gang seems surprisingly dedicated to marching straight on to Al-Kharid. The gang approaches the northern edge of Al-Kharid. It is completely dark outside now, and no one around is awake. The tall woman in front, seemingly the leader, gives the command. Without delay, the army assails the house with Adrian and his parents inside, as well as a few other houses nearby. Many of the woman's top swordsmen go inside first, clearing out any resistance. They look around, seeing nothing. Suddenly, off to the left, one warrior notices one of the parents moving quietly, trying not to be seen or heard, attempting to escape. Instantly, three attackers converge, catching the woman as she tries to open a window. They decide to kill her, then notice her husband curled up on the floor, trying also to not be seen. The warriors quickly kill him as well. The operation is going just as planned. The parents were rather rich folk, having quite a bit of wealth in gold and gems. The dark army collects anything valuable, then decided to make a quick exit, as the guards of Al-Kharid have been alerted, and could attack at any moment. But they donÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢t take into account the child. AdrianÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s high-pitched screams alert one of the masked men. The man who notices Adrian is the woman's head thief and one of her leading assistants. He immediately goes to the woman for her council. 'Boss, boss, look upstairs!ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢ He begins, stumbling over his words with excitement. ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¹ÃâThereÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s ... there's a...' 'There's a what? What's up there already?' The woman replies, knowing time is short. 'A child boss! A small child!' This strikes the woman surprisingly. She reaches a quick and very surprising decision. 'Bring it down here. I'll see to it that it gets out of here safely.' The thief brings down Adrian, blankets and all. The woman examines him quickly, then calls for the escape of her men. As the army starts to leave, AdrianÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s house bursts into a fiery inferno. The palace guards finally arrive, but they find no intruders, and many citizens slain, their houses ransacked. The woman leads her troops away in a hurry, going back the way they came, carrying Adrian in her arms.... ----- End Adrian's Quest - Prelogue ----- Hey, look! Forums! (Yeah!) They're back! (Double yeah!) Time to explain myself! (mild grumble) Ok, so I fell off the face of the earth. I had posted about 5 or 6 chapters of this story on the old boards. Then things got a bit dicey. I had been having some technical issues with the boards (not being able to post all the time) along with the ad annoyance. About that time the amount of pointless flaming started getting REALLY bad. It got to the point where I got really pissed off (and of those that know me, you know I am really mild tempered...) completely blew up in the tip.it chat, got permbanned, removed all existance of tip.it from my computer, and left. I sorta moved in to another website at that time, but I never really got used to being there. Plus their forums were down for a week recently, as well. So I found out by word of mouth Tip.it is back. I've decided to return on a trial basis for a little while. Since writing is my real love, and I'm actually decent at it, and there is about one good story in these forums amongst the 100 joke/'you know you've...too long when'/'1-2-3 word stories' posts, I'm coming back for a little while. If this story gets good reception, and if the forums are perhaps better than they were before, then I'll stay. But I might pick up and leave again. Who knows. Since these fourms are brand new, and most Americans with half a brain wouldn't be up at this time of night, I decided to step in and post the first real story, hoping that most people would see this story first and be hooked. Anyways. Some of you will remember Adrian's Quest from the past, while most will not. I've done some work on it in my off time, but the basic plot line is unchanged. Expect (hopefully) a chapter every couple days. It's summer now, so I can actually get decent work done on it. PLEASE post comments/complaints/questions/death thereats/random inconsistent babbling on here, so I can at least see how many people read the story through and have a thought about it. Seeing 6 views on the post and 0 replies does me no good. Thanks a ton! ~WeatherMatt Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ladykady Posted June 20, 2004 Share Posted June 20, 2004 pretty nice storry 8) Im just wondering why a family is strollin there kid around in a desert for I just wondered is desert *in sandy/ dry place* and desert *in yummy food* spelt the same? :D ladykady Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eccentric Posted June 20, 2004 Share Posted June 20, 2004 pretty nice storry 8) Im just wondering why a family is strollin there kid around in a desert for I just wondered is desert *in sandy/ dry place* and desert *in yummy food* spelt the same? :D ladykady Desert is the sandy place, dessert is the yummy food after dinner. To be completely honest, I only read a little bit before my interesting got decimated. One of my biggest pet peeves is tense use; you skip from past to present tense, which you need to be careful of. Try to stick to one tense, it tends to make the piece more cohesive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meevin Posted June 21, 2004 Share Posted June 21, 2004 Just wanted to say I read it or whatever. Not bad, actually.. But like Eccentric said, the tense thing is kind of annoying. I'll be looking forward to further chapters, though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cloaked_Shadow Posted June 24, 2004 Share Posted June 24, 2004 nicely done :) ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Flag1234567 Posted June 27, 2004 Share Posted June 27, 2004 REally great story, sad but interesting Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CPOMendez Posted June 29, 2004 Share Posted June 29, 2004 dam i'm gonna have to watch for the next chapters now :D very nice story tho. it was interesting. sad, yes, but interesting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Purcell364 Posted June 30, 2004 Share Posted June 30, 2004 very interesting it will be good tosee the next chapters! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geordiequeen Posted May 13, 2006 Share Posted May 13, 2006 I love it. Its great and i really want to read the rest come on post the rest Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now