Jump to content

Writing a new WIP


malo2

Recommended Posts

A few months back I posted an unnamed story, that I eventually stopped writing because I didn't like it. I got some people asking about it now, so I decided to put up what I am working on now.

 

 

 

It's quite similar to what I was writing before, with very vast changes, the story has improved, characters changed, ect. I am hoping to get this to the size of a novel (Around 100k words, my previous attempt went up to 66k words), and so far I have several thousand words done. Here is the first chapter (2,364 words). I would like to have plenty of comments and criticism, once I think it's good I'll put parts up in a certain writing dedicated forum for some advanced critique. Enjoy.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The Unplanned Frustration

 

 

 

Elias sat waiting in the dim pub, filled with chatter and thick smoke, laughs and arguments, and everything in between. His hair was dark brown, many long bangs surrounded his head in a mess, all shooting downwards, or back. His eyes pitch black as his eye lashes and thin but dark brows. The man He's been waiting for had just walked in and was heading for Elias's table, with a curious look on his face. His hair thin and white, face riddled with lines, and a long and clean black cloak trailing behind him, making him stand out from most of the others here. But it isn't like anybody is going to care.

 

So you're the man? He said sitting down. I nodded. Kid by the looks of it.

 

That's me.

 

So what do you need.

 

Strong people willing to fight against Chelsea's rule. Elias said leaning closer. He replied with a sigh and a look that told him he's just as hopeless as many others that he has already met.

 

You want to kill Chelsea.

 

I nodded.

 

Kid, I have a serious and dangerous business.

 

Well I thought getting past an army and a guard was serious and dangerous.

 

Alright fine. What's you purpose... specifically.

 

You heard of the Treen massacre?

 

Of course I have.

 

Well I want the one responsible. That being Chelsea. At Elias's words he gave a weak and quiet laugh, and returned to sulky state.

 

I admit that's a first with Treen... nobody has survived that massacre to seek revenge, not something so elaborate. You only need to avoid anyone capable of something like that, and Chelsea most certainly is not some loving Princess.

 

Elias sat silently, awaiting him to continue.

 

Kid. He sighed, and now looked concerned, leaning closer as well. Have you ever killed a man?

 

No.

 

Any experience with death?

 

Well, I did witness a massacre once.

 

A massacre? What sort of a massacre are you talking about?

 

The kind where an army storms in to kill everybody, because the city is some kind of a threat. The man thought about my words for a moment, and then looked at me.

 

Treen.

 

Yes. I used to live there... When it still existed... I mumbled.

 

That massacre had no survivors. He hissed.

 

Correction. No reported survivors. I am not a reported survivor, I also have jet to meet another survivor. He thought again for another moment.

 

I don't suppose you have any evidence?

 

Sadly, no.

 

Well it's true that a survivor of something like that would stay hidden. Back on topic though, you still don't have any combat experience.

 

But I do have skill in magic.

 

As expected of someone in the region, a mage right?

 

I nodded. I have money for the information I need.

 

How old are you?

 

Sixteen.

 

And this money you speak of is everything you have?

 

Well, almost.

 

Look, even if I give you contacts to people interested, why should they follow you? You're a kid with no experience or money to support something that's essentially suicidal if you're gonna try and make a difference. We are talking about grown men risking their lives, not a tea party. He waved his arm in frustration.

 

Elias leaned back on his chair without a word. The man continued.

 

You're lucky to be alive... if what you say is true. Take your money, find some place safe, and live the rest of your life an peace. Your requests are ridiculous. With that he got up and left the pub, he really looked like the minutes he wasted here were eating away it his life. Elias sat for a moment, staring at the smoke drifting around the crowded pub. A half bald, greasy bearded, old man took the now vacant seat in front of me.

 

Hey kiddo, what's with you talking to important men an' all? You're not royalty are ya? He released a loud roar. Once he was done laughing he leaned closer. Hey... ah, mind buying me a drink? At that Elias got up and went out the door.

 

 

 

The sky was starry, fresh air blew past the rustling leaves, he began a walk north again. He hated himself for even trying such an absurd idea, the old man was right, too right, theres no way anybody even half strong would join him. He's just a kid. A better place to start would be with someone weak, and try working something out from there. Maybe make a name or something.

 

The dim yellow lights of the small village were left behind, nothing but dark and murky trees surrounded him, alone and just a few coins in his pocket, and a set of decent black robes on his back. As he walked, a small orange light appeared up ahead. He trotted through the muddy path to reach it faster, as he got closer he saw a few people near the light. Just kids his age to be exact, the light belonged to a farm house further off the road that now began coming into view. As he began walking by the group of two boys and a girl, one finally spoke.

 

Hey you! The tall black haired kid called as he was sitting on a piece of a rotten fence, the other two on ether side. Elias rolled his eyes.

 

What. He replied flatly.

 

Why do you walk in the woods so late, with those fancy robes?

 

Oh, these aren't fancy... And no I'm not important.

 

So what are you doing here? The other two shifted to look more closely.

 

Walking to the town up north, that's all.

 

Why do you do that? He asked, Elias thought at that for a moment.

 

Hey... You three interested in joining me to try and kill Chelsea?

 

The princess?

 

Who else?

 

Naw... She'll have our heads, papa said to never cross a princess. He said, as if the slaying of royalty is a norm.

 

Yeah, okay. That's a good point. If I need people to join me... Elias murmured. They will have to be not too much older, but without their parents holding them back...

 

What was that?

 

Never mind, go to sleep. He said, a confusingly rude joke. With that Elias continued north, now with a plan. Coincidentally enough, a fat old lady came out with a loud roar.

 

You three! In the house and to sleep, NOW! Elias disappeared into the quiet woods before she could notice me, and continued through the woods, letting the small light from the farm house rapidly disappear behind the trees.

 

 

 

Chelsea's stronghold is up north, two hundred miles at most. Elias alone won't land a scratch on her, but with several people helping him, he might just take her out at her most vulnerable. He would need a spell, he only knows basic non-combat ones. Things that help the lives of regular people, the best thing he has to offer in combat is a rather weak flame. What he needs is a compressed bolt of energy, something that can pierce a passive shield spell, and travel too fast for a normal person to evade.

 

So he needs to learn a spell, and have someone to distract the guard long enough for him to charge, maybe someone to unwind some of the magical defenses. Then they need to get out alive, theres one thing he never feared to admit, it's that he fears death. Not in the sense that he will stay safe for the rest of his life like the old man suggested, just that he will do whatever he takes to not die.

 

 

 

He followed the trail until he reached a small town curving up a hill side, the following morning, and after eating at the only pub there (Which smelled terrible, and was filled with passed out drunks), he continued back into the thick forest. Withing just half an hour, he chose to stop, and sleep. He dropped his robe on the ground by a tree, revealing the old and shabby clothing under it, and raised his hands in front of him, allowing them to hang motionlessly. Within moments, small trickles of dim purple electricity rolled across his arms and through his fingers, entire streams brighter electricity began rising up his chest. It all extended into the air and circled around him in a single large stream, that separated into circular wall, and then in a matter of seconds, it faded away. With that he lay down pulling his robe over himself like a blanket, and drift to sleep.

 

He woke again when the sun began to set, orange swirls of clouds were barely visible through the occasional bits of open sky past the mass of trees towering over him. The walk resumed, and within a few hours he noticed that the walk began taking him up hill. Rocky trails began to appear frequently, boulders began to obstruct his walk from time to time. Occasionally he would stop, and with a circular motion with his arms the dirt rapidly rose amongst violet and yellow streams of thin light, quickly lining up to form a line. It lined up with the planets magnetic field, reminding him where north was.

 

 

 

Rays of sun which earlier relentlessly broke through the endless roof of leaves, lighting up patches of dirt as he walked by, were quickly gone, as night consumed the forest. It was safer to walk in the night, because he would be the only one. But he was faced with a problem, he has not yet passed a town, there probably were several around, but he didn't know where they were, and he hasn't eaten since the previous morning. Never in his life has he caught an animal, killed it, skinned it, and cooked it. That would be too disturbing. Besides, any time he met some rabbit (which wasn't often), it bolted from him like he was the materialization of evil, and the trees blocked it's view so stunning it, or even burning it as it runs, with a spell is impossible. Maybe that's why it's running.

 

He gave up hoping for a town, or some food source, and laid himself down again for sleep again as the sun began to break through the night sky, and the darkness was reduced to a shadow. He slept soundly, no dreams broke the silence of sleep, the comforting rest just stretched on. When he woke again he realized he has made a mistake, it was all dark again, he looked around to find the dark and hardly visible outlines of the trees. He has slept through the entire day and deep into the night, and woke at least twelve hours later, or something woke him.

 

 

 

He rose slowly, with a few leaves rustling under his shoes, a gust of wind blew, sending the mass of branches above him into chaos. Then a howl came. He turned to find the direction, his heart began pounding instantly, he didn't know where it came from, just blackness swirling around him. Until he heard paws running through the growth, he turned to see a large black wolf running at him, glowing blue eyes like flames. Before he could dodge, it was already feet away, put then a stream up purple electricity erupted in between the two, the wolfs legs crumbled under the current, and it fell down near Elias. He clambered up, away from the wolf, as it too turned over, he directed his open hand at it, an in a quick flash and a bang, the wolf was thrown back.

 

It only angered it, he began to step away from it quickly, and as it prepared for a lunge, he directed his palm at it again. Swirls of green light surrounded the wolf, it frantically turned to either side of itself to see the ribbon like spell take a hold of it, and drag it backwards against a tree. It released a loud howl.

 

 

 

More howls returned it's call, while it struggled to free itself. Elias sprinted in the opposite direction, lunging past every tree, the branches and bushes in his way whipped against his face as he scrambled through them. He couldn't be so far north that there are already wolves roaming around, especially ones this big. The howls came again, and he kept running, but it wasn't long before they came closer and closer.

 

He couldn't run anymore, the cool night air was searing through his lungs, and his heart was ready to break a rib with the furious beating. He crept behind a tree, and could hear the sprinting of several wolves near by. As he looked out from behind the tree trunk, the wolves were going directly at him just breath away. He leaped away as one of them jumped around the tree, with a massive bark it lunged. Anger and frustration, like a wave of heat rushed right through him. Small flames erupted on top of his arms, as he thrust both his palms ahead like slamming an invisible wall. With a white flash, and a howl, the wolf was thrown back.

 

Two more came out from behind the same tree, glaring with their shimmering blue eyes. They didn't leave him alone, they really wanted him dead, why? He turned around and clambered past the trees, before he could get a foot away, one wolf lunged at him and bit his right shoulder with ferocity, blood spew on the tree trunks, a scream of rage echoed from Elias. His unbitten arm lit aflame as he swung his elbow back against the wolf, and it yelped from the heat of the flames. The other wolf growled in terror and prepared to lunge as well.

 

The anger and frustration overwhelmed him, he had the urge to return an even fiercer growl, but the pain from his shoulder exploded, making everything worse. Things couldn't get so bad so fast. Everything began to glow, the motion of the wolf slowed in mid air, the surrounding plant life flared with detail in his eyes, the urge to end what tried to kill him was overwhelming him, until it all went blank.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks, here's chapter 2:

 

 

 

Aaaargh! What the- A piercing pain in his shoulder seared, accompanied by some voice, woke him me up. He opened his eyes to see the same thick green branches hanging above, with thin morning light breaking through just barely, and the same cool air blowing past.

 

Don't move! I gotta tie it up. Said an energetic voice, he could see some blurry figure sitting next to him. He closed his eyes.

 

Who ar- Ow! what are you doing!?

 

Didn't I just say I'm tying your wound up, quiet down. Elias opened his eyes again. The figure slowly came to focus, it was a kid his age. Well Elias didn't view himself as a kid anymore, so he isn't one either, he's at least sixteen, maybe seventeen. Elias closed his eyes again, the pain wouldn't stop burning, but he kept my silence as the guy tugged on whatever he was tying on Elias's shoulder.

 

Done, just don't fight anymore wolves for a while. He laughed.

 

Who are you? Elias looked at him, he was very thin and tall, his hair was black, reached his shoulders, and rather dirty. He wore a thick shirt, three belts hung at his wast, each slanted in it's own direction, and thick, baggy pants littered in holes. He stood up to wipe the blood off his fingers with some leaves.

 

Oh, I'm just someone living in the area, I sort of work for a mine near by.

 

Sort of?

 

I'm not really a miner, I just search for fire wood that they always need, and the pay me a bit. I can't stand being inside the mine.

 

Because of the dirt?

 

No, it's just that everything is so close and tight, I'm just really scared of suddenly being trapped in there. People think it's weird, but I'm not the first. Elias sat up as he spoke. Now I ask questions. Where in the world did the wolves come from?

 

Well, that's sort of my question too, I just suddenly heard a howl.

 

Yeah, everyone around must have heard it. There have never been wolves in here, and they were big too, two of them just ran past me like I wasn't there. And one... He paused pointing behind me, what ever he was pointing at was behind the tree. Is dead. Did you kill it?

 

Elias rubbed his scalp. I don't even remember. Something happened, I fought... And that's it.

 

Strange.

 

You say there's people around, like a town?

 

No, just the miners huts. But the closest town isn't far. I can walk you there, you need help for sure, and you have to tell me how you fought that wolf. He helped Elias get up.

 

Yeh, I need the town. And they began walking through the trees step by step. His shoulder eased up, but te was sure that it would flare up the moment it touched something. The guy covered the wound in a white rag, now bloodstained.

 

Oh! Hhe said in a eureka tone. What's your name?

 

Uhh, Elias.

 

Nice name, I'm Joshua. So how did that wolf go down? You don't have any blades on you... Unless... Magic?

 

Yeah... I'm a mage.

 

Wow that's so cool, I hardly ever meet mages around here! And you killed it with some ripping spell?

 

Ripping spell?

 

Well the corpse had a big gash at the neck and chest, totally bloody, scary in fact. Joshua rambled on. Elias didn't remember even knowing any spells that could cut opponents, he didn't even bother to look at the carcass.

 

I always wanted to know magic, but there's nobody to teach me, and I don't even think I would ever be any good. Where are you headed to anyway? Elias brushed the thought of the wolf aside, he was just glad to be alive.

 

Chelsea... Yeah, I'm headed for her fortress.

 

What for? He looked at Elias in innocent interest.

 

Need to kill her.

 

Wow you really are a beast. He laughed, like killing royalty is normal, he reminded Elias of the farmer kid for a moment. What did she ever do to you?

 

Killed my friends... He grunted.

 

Really? He was silent for a while. She never seemed nice to me, but she has an army you know, are you really serious about killing her? That's more dangerous than the wolves. They began going slightly up hill, climbing over the masses of roots, around the thickets of poisonous plants. The slight pain in his shoulder at as a reminder that he is completely handicapped, and exerting in anyway will be a world of pain. But he was already walking without the help of Joshua, using the unharmed hand to guide his way past the growth.

 

I never did like her. Joshua went on. She always has some soldiers strolling through the streets, harassing people. I got in a fight with one, and he... he reminded me to never do it again. That gave Elias a plan, which consisted of letting Joshua to keep talking.

 

Then those parades she holds, I was never around to see one, but people these days. See a pretty woman glide by and you're ready to do her bidding. I don't trust that.

 

Parades. Elias finally spoke.

 

Yeah, she goes to random towns that are within her area of influence, and just waves to people by the sounds of it.

 

That's perfect... Elias muttered.

 

What is?

 

Oh never mind.

 

You want to get her in one of these parades?

 

...Maybe. 'He sure catches on quick.' He thought. They came to the side of a small rocky cliff, and down below, amongst the many trees was a town. It had a couple of towers, many of the buildings were stone, and several roads from various directions converged at the middle. They began down a small rocky path, winding around the boulders until they dipped under the shadow of the trees.

 

 

 

Do you really think you can do it? You're still just a kid, you're around my age. How old are ya?

 

Sixteen.

 

Well I'm seventeen.

 

Old enough. I only want to kill one person.

 

Well with your magic an' all I guess you can do something.

 

Do you live with your parents? Elias asked, completely steering off topic.

 

Ah no, never had any.

 

How is that?

 

When I was a baby I was left in a box, not even a basket, just a box, under the door of the mining chief. He raised me, although he was never the children type. I went to live on my own once I was twelve, I imagine he got pretty frustrated when I wouldn't even come near the mine shaft. I see him from time to time, when I bring the fire wood. When he was done we already hit a road, a horse pulled cart passed us by as we were walking directly to town.

 

Well it's nice to be your own person though.

 

Very true, very true.

 

What do you say about helping me? Elias spoke in a hopeful tone.

 

What do you mean?

 

In killing Chelsea, you don't like her either do you? They both stopped walking, and turned to each other.

 

How would I do that? All I can do is gather wood.

 

What if I teach you magic?

 

...Me... Learn magic? But I'm no Mage.

 

You're a human right?

 

Yes... That I am.

 

That's the only qualification you need, we can start today. Elias smiled, flexing his fingers.

 

Wait, wait a minute. You're saying I can learn magic too?

 

Of course.

 

But this here is Sorcerer area, I'm still no Mage.

 

Don't worry about that, I will explain everything, and by the end of the week you will be turning people into frogs.

 

R-really?

 

No. but you will be doing magic.

 

Joshua suddenly let out a loud 'whoop' in excitement, making several birds escape out of the trees. Wow this is great! We gotta start quick!

 

So you will help me?

 

If you make me into a spell caster, I will help you eat cow turd if you want me to!

 

I don't think that'll be necessary. They laughed and continued into town.

 

 

 

A few hours later Elias sat at the steps with a thin stick in his hands. He broke of a small piece and held it between hi fingers, both ends of it began to burn like a cigarette end, but pressed against his fingers. The piece quickly shrunk with smoke rapidly flowing out, until it disappeared out of his fingers. Then he broke another piece, and did it again, and again, day dreaming as he stared at the burning bit of wood.

 

A small leaf fell towards his hand, but as soon as it got close, it was blown away by the rising heat. The leaf was yellow. He looked up at the tree that stood right next to the pub providing a shade, it had an entire yellow branch sticking out from the rest of the green. He looked at the many stone houses around him, all two stories high at least, all made of stone and with thick wooden frames. The roofs were all made of red or orange tiles, the windows were glass, and the road were made of cobble stone. Even the people walking by were fully dressed in wool. The people living in this town weren't poor, without any farms they have the money to buy their food, and have enough to build nice houses, the local mine must be very big.

 

The bartender with his white apron letting every ugly bit of dirt shine, came out.

 

Ey kid, you either come and buy a drink, or you leave, which will it be? But Elias sat in silence ignoring him, in just a second Joshua came out, with someone else, and with that Elias got up.

 

Sorry. He mumbled.

 

You say something Elias?

 

No. He turned around to see the new person, he was the shortest of the three, but still not short since Josh and Elias were both quite tall. His hair was black like Joshua's, but short cropped, his eyebrows were thin, eyes light brown, and his cheekbones were fairly visible. Overall he looked unafraid to get into a fight.

 

This is Lewis, were best friends and he's also very interested in what you can teach.

 

And in what I'm interested in accomplishing?

 

Yes. He said in a hard tone as he shook my hand smiling slightly. Quite hard to believe though, I would like to see your magic, and see if you're actually good before I'm going to even considering joining you.

 

That's reasonable. Any of you have a good place?

 

I can think of one, in the woods.

 

Well it can only be in the woods. Lead the way. The turned to go back out of town, but as the walked, Elias stopped and turned to them.

 

By the way, you're obviously interested in joining me, but can you actually do that?

 

What do you mean? Joshua asked.

 

Well you have a job, and Lewis here has parents I presume. This isn't an urban gang I'm starting, in fact I'm planning on leaving for the next town tomorrow.

 

Joshua laughed. That's not much of a job I have. Nobody will notice if I leave, I'll just tell the chief that I'll be gone for a while, and that's it. Lewis here doesn't have parents, not even a job.

 

Look who's talking, all you do is gather sticks all day.

 

At least it's something. He shrugged.

 

Very well. Elias interrupted. If you say so, let's keep moving.

 

 

 

They came to a clearing out of town, a small patch of ground surrounded by tall trees, the warm sunlight glinted off the grass, and the cool breeze drifted just low enough to reach the face. The reached the middle, where the white clouds drifting over the pale blue sky were were visible completely. Elias turned towards them.

 

Alright, now I'll show you what I know, it isn't much, especially not in the combat department.

 

But we'll become sorcerers though right? Our ancestors are probably sorcerers. Joshua spoke.

 

I don't know any sorcery, so I can't teach you that.

 

But then how-

 

Do you know the difference between mages and sorcerers? They both shook their heads. Well sorcerers use the energy in the surroundings, from plant life, to the sun. Anything that has at least some heat.

 

And they make it into magic. Lewis said.

 

Yeah, they take that, compress it, and direct it at whatever they need. But mages use the energy in their bodies, and exert it directly from the inside.

 

But we're the same temperature as anything here, where are you going to get the energy without drawing from the surroundings. You would need a lot to break a rock or something, right? Lewis interrogated.

 

Being a good mage is all about storing a lot of energy, you won't believe how much energy bodies can hold sometimes. The plant life around us doesn't look like much either, at first it doesn't seem you could do much with all this. He spread his arms out to point at his surroundings. But it's more than you thing.

 

So you'll teach us how to hold a lot of energy?

 

I don't know much abut that, our bodies can hold a certain amount from the start, but I don't know how to learn to hold more. By now all three were already sitting on the grass.

 

There was this man. Elias continued quietly. Where I'm from. One day a nearby dam began to break, threatening to flood the farms and drown the crops. So this man came up to the dam, completely destroyed it, and then used his magic to hold the water back in a flat wall, working like a telepathic wall. He sat hovering over the river and holding back the dam for five days straight, enough to let the villagers build the dam back. He didn't sleep or even eat, he just sat and concentrated, that's how much energy he had stored. It was a wide river too. The other two sat there listening closely. After that, he ate what must have been ten times his body weight, and then went and slept for days until his breathing stopped and he never woke up in the end. He was a hundred and fourteen years old.

 

They sat silently for a minute, until Joshua spoke, brushing his long hair off his face. So you can actually use the energy in you to go on for days?

 

Pretty much, but I've never stayed up longer than a normal person, that takes skill.

 

And it can kill you?

 

Nah, I think he was just old. Anyway, let me show you a few things. Elias got up, raising his hands he turned away from the other two, his palms were flat against the air, like an invisible wall was in front of him. Moments after they got up as well, a flame erupted at the bottom of his palms, and rose like a thin wall of fire across this flat hands. He pulled his hands back, and as they were still on fire, he forced them forward again, and with a sudden bang, a plume of fire exploded in front of them. The flames rose into the sky and disappeared. It was just two seconds long, but the others were impressed.

 

That's amazing! Could we really do something like that!? Joshua yelled in exitement, still staring into the spot where the flames disappeared as if they were going to come back. But... He looked at Elias.

 

Hm?

 

You still haven't told me how you're going to teach us if we're sorcerers and you're a mage.

 

You're not sorcerers, you're humans. Magic is like language, everyone is equally capable of learning any language, but they learn what their parents teach them, and what everyone around them knows. This means that you're as much of sorcerers as you are mages, or any other types.

 

How many types are there? Lewis asked.

 

I don't know, very many, some more common than others, some extinct. They sat there for a while longer, as Elias showed them a few more spells he knew, but he got tired very quickly, so they went back to town.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Chapter 3; this one isn't very long (1910 words) because I wanted to keep the following events in a chapter of their own.

 

 

 

---------------------------

 

Autumn In Peace

 

 

 

The next day they were walking through the forests again, this time in broad day light as the others did not want to go long in the dark, although it was afternoon, and much of the walking would still be in night time. They walked on a trail going deep into the thick trees, thickets and large bushes surrounded them from every direction, and it was difficult to avoid accidentally falling into a stream hidden in the tall grass. Mosquitoes went at them with every chance they got, the air was cool under the shade of the trees, but incredibly moist, perfect fort parasites to attack.

 

Occasionally the trees began to violently sway from incoming winds, and suddenly a flow of cold air dipped into where they were walking. It was a nice feeling for the moment, but a bad sign, winter was coming. Winter is a time for conservation of heat, especially up north, but magic is quite the opposite. Winter and magic don't go together well. The coming and going of the cold winds was interesting in it's own way, because like a broken spell, suddenly the several yellowing trees around them became more obvious.

 

The sky rapidly yellowed, and before they knew it, the trail ahead was hardly visible. Light rain began to fall, eventually breaking through the trees and turning the trail they walked on into mud. The three of them stood close as they walked through the trees in the darkness, and soon coming to a clearing. But then Elias stopped, before anyone could ask, something jumped out of the tall grass, and in a rapid flash the other two jumped back.

 

 

 

A small flame appeared lighting up the surroundings. A tall girl, with long dark hair appeared, her arm outstretched, her hand crumpled into an arrow shape directed at Elias with a small flame hovering at the end of it. She quickly walked towards him. Elias raised his index and middle finger pointing back at her with a small light at the end, walking towards her as well, in only a few short steps they were at each others necks. Behind the tall girl stood a shorter, and slightly younger girl, glaring at the other two.

 

Mage! What are you doing here? The tall girl asked, her hand still directed at Elias's face.

 

Taking a walk in the park, how about you?

 

Not funny-

 

Wait, wait, why are you attacking each other!? Lewis asked with a frantic expression.

 

Were not attack-

 

Yes we're about to! What are you doing around here!?

 

Bug off, I have as much right as you do. Elias was rapidly getting irritated.

 

This is a sorcerer country, you mages have no business here!

 

Oh yes we do, as much right as you do going to other countries and starting massacres.

 

Those are just you fabricated lies! The moment she was done Elias leaped forward and punched her in the stomach.

 

Whoa Elias! Stop! Joshua shouted behind him. The girl fell back, but returned a spell before landing on the ground. The earth below him exploded, sending dirt into the air, he lost his footing over the breaking ground and began to fall over as well. Then a small wisp of light drifted over his nose, with a loud crack it blew, sending Elias into the ground.

 

He was quick to get up and was ready to launch at her, but somebody grabbed him from behind, it was Lewis. He saw the younger girl hold his opponent from behind as well.

 

Stop, stop... Elias... Joshua shouted. What is this all about. The tall girls eyes narrowed as she looked at Josh.

 

You're not a mage are you? You're not anything.

 

No, were just with him. Now how about explaining why you two attacked each other?

 

I didn't attack him! By this time Elias pulled himself free and folded his arms. What is your business around here mage? She was let free as well, her hand held against her stomach.

 

To kill Chelsea.

 

What? Why would a kid need to do that?

 

You look my age. But like I said, she once ordered the destruction of my home town, and I want to get back at her for that. Now what are you doing here in the middle of the night?

 

We were just heading north. She replied, but Elias noticed the smaller girl's eyes flicker at her for a moment, she did not return to her gaze at the three of them.

 

 

 

What I want to know. Joshua began. Is why did you start fighting?

 

Mages and Sorcerers don't get along very well. The short girl spoke for the first time. You'd both probably be better off becoming sorcerers for as long as you are around here.

 

Well that's great, I suppose you will teach them everything you know then? Elias retorted in frustration. And just so you know. He continued more calmly, turning to Josh and Lewis. Becoming a mage does not diminish your ability to become any other class in the future.

 

Oh like they'll bother learning something completely different after they've gone through one class. The tall girl said. That is if they don't get killed before that-

 

Now wait just one moment. Josh cut her off, Elias noticed he was just as tall as her. We agreed to help him, in exchange for him taking us out of our dead end lives and teaching us something useful. He continued in a very 'as a matter of fact' tone, with his eyebrows raised high. I also have no reason to believe there are no other mages in existence who will acknowledge my abilities.

 

 

 

That absolutely flattered Elias, and simultaneously worried him, worried if his goals were a little too ambitious. Maybe these two had far too much faith in him.

 

You have no idea what you're up against do you? She whispered as she came closer to him, eyes narrow, staring dead ahead. Who exactly Chelsea is, and what she does. You never have paid any attention to what has been going around here have you? Elias cut her off before she could continue.

 

It just so happens that I do. He spoke, and she could not argue for as long as she knew where he's been. I do not pay these two, therefore I give them every opportunity to quit if they want to, and that is our business. Not yours. Everyone, especially her, stared at Elias for a moment. After a moment of silence, she spoke again.

 

Very well, we'll take the eastern path. With that she turned around, and they both disappeared into the dark trees. After a few additional seconds of silence, Lewis broke it.

 

Blimey Elias I thought the woods were empty at night.

 

Well I'm not surprised someone else figured this fact out. He replied. Let's assume the western path is in this direction and just try not to cross them, because that would be awkward. The disappeared from under the starlight as well.

 

 

 

They arrived at the next town just before the sun rose, in fact they might have missed it if the sudden lack of trees bordering against the star spangled sky wasn't so obvious. No lights were on in the town as it was so late, and they made up their minds to find a place to sleep in the forest before anyone spotted them, and come out in the afternoon.

 

That they did, after a decent sleep against the tree trunks in the most overgrown parts of the forest, they woke up just hours before it would become dark again. Elias could now witness the town, it wasn't much unique beyond it's comforting presence between the masses of pine trees. The other two seemed severely irritated by the rapid shift in sleep patterns, so they walked to town in silence, at least until they reached the streets of people hard at work in stores and workshops, feverishly ending the day.

 

So any ideas on how to find more people to help? Elias eventually asked.

 

Well I thought you would know something. Lewis looked back in annoyance. I mean you already have the three of us together.

 

I only happened to run into Joshua, and he got you. I really don't know where to start.

 

We can scan the streets. Joshua spoke, as the two turned to him in interest. We find anyone who looks as young as us, and not very strong. Someone who will want our company.

 

Don't forget they need to have nothing holding them back here. Elias reminded.

 

Oh yeah, that too. I'll go start now, before it gets dark.

 

Well I'm coming too. Lewis went after him. Elias? He turned back to him.

 

You two go on, I'll look somewhere else. Elias replied, he shrugged and went after Joshua. Elias strolled to the other direction, hardly looking for anyone. Honestly, what was he going to say? 'Are you weak, hopeless, and without a future? So let's go kill the princess!' Joshua certainly looked like the person for that.

 

He walked into a narrow street full of market stalls outlining the long row of old wooden homes, few more than a story tall. A whole crowd of what looked like at least a quarter of the towns population was navigating through the stalls, buying what they needed the most. This was a poor town, the most pathetic of all people lived here, the ones who probably have not a shred of magical experience in their entire unknown lines of ancestry. Chelsea was just two towns away, and all we could do is scrounge the dirtiest of streets for the hopeless willing.

 

An abandoned stool lie in between two stalls, on one side an unshaven farmer was arguing with a customer with very slow and irritating speech, and an the other was a bearded tailor staring at his shabby goods, motionless. Elias slumped down on the stool, leaned against the old wall behind him, and stared up where behind the houses stood just a few oak trees. Several of their branches were absolutely yellow, and anything that wasn't, was simply yellow-green. Winter was approaching without mercy.

 

 

 

He thought back to his home town, Treen. Very delicate, it was built within a large gorge that opened into the endless ocean. In the middle was a narrow but tall waterfall, and a stream that cut through the length of the town, and emptied into the very same ocean. It always looked nice when sunny, the many ornate brick homes looked so peaceful.

 

Elias was an orphan, which isn't rare these days, so the orphanage he lived in had plenty of other kids, including his friend Charlie. They were well looked after by the keepers, which in turn were well funded by the town's authorities. The school was alright in terms of quality, but like for plenty of boys his age, he simply disliked it. It was monotonous, and annoying, until of course they began teaching magic at the later grades, and from then on he never missed a class. Bit his learning beyond novice magic didn't go far, because the city was attacked. That was the end of his childhood.

 

 

 

A red leaf fell on top of his head, he hasn't twitched a muscle since he sat down, only half the pupils of each his eyes were visible under the hardly open lids. There he fell asleep.

 

 

 

--------------------------------------------------

 

 

 

Next chapter; what happened in the massacre.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

As usual I want any and all criticism, thanks.

 

 

 

 

 

Black Sky

 

 

 

He was sprinting through an empty cobblestone street, the sky was orange, his tan shirt was soaking up loads of sweat, and the cold January air seared through his lungs. He ran past a few people that appeared out of an intersection, they seemed to have yelled something, a question maybe, but he ignored it. He finally reached a bridge that went over the city's river, there he stopped and looked at the crowded houses that were lined up at the shores, and in the distance where once stood the tower of the city's guardian headquarters, now was a plume of smoke that rose fast and dispersed into the evening sky.

 

He'd been running to find his friends, he knew they were okay, they must have been, but he had to know they would get back safely. All that had happened was that the headquarters suddenly exploded, I didn't know how as I didn't see it happen, nobody else had any idea of what was going on. But moments after it happened, several guardians ran through a nearby street, shouting for everybody to get inside, they looked frightened, very frightened.

 

Just as Elias was going to continue running, he saw Ryan, a historian Elias knew well, running towards him. He had neat brown hair that was pulled back in a ponytail, a rather broad face, and bright blue eyes. He lived very close to the orphanage, and Elias has somehow grown to know him very well.

 

Elias! He shouted, he quickly came to a stop, not seeming to know what words to utter next.

 

What's going on? Where did that explosion come from? But Ryan ignored him.

 

[cabbage], I should have known thin was going to happen sooner or later! He impatiently ran his fingers through his hair. Nothing is going to stop that bastard!

 

Who? Who is doing this?

 

Elias! He turned to face him. If anyone is going to survive this, it's you. Just run from this city as fast as you can, don't let anyone even touch you!

 

The city? Are you insane? What's happening to the city?

 

It's under attack. He said in a tone Elias didn't understand, a face he couldn't read. Fear? Anger? ...Accusation?

 

 

 

For a moment He felt dizzy, the ground below him seemed to sway. Then what looked like a hallucination, the bits of dirt on the ground began to jump around every direction on the cobblestones, like some force was making them hyper. He looked up again, and jumped back in shock. A man in a long white and hooded robe stood at the end of the bridge. His sudden ghostly appearance made Elias's body went numb. The man was entirely motionless, his mere presence radiated fear across the street, but Elias could do nothing more than stare in fright.

 

Just run Elias, just run. Ryan pleadingly whispered. He then threw his arm in front of him, and everything Elias saw in front of him began to quickly curve, like something was suddenly tugging on to existence. With a resounding high pitched squeal, everything snapped back, and the mage was shot off the bridge with a force Elias could never imagine. His body was thrown into the river, and a large wall of water exploded upwards into the sky, and collapsed against the nearby houses.

 

 

 

Relief swept over him, it must have been over already, he never imagined Ryan was so immensely powerful. But the look on Ryan's face as he was turning around suddenly plunged all fear back into Elias. He turned as well to see white smoke rapidly materialize in thin air, and the mage leaped out of it.

 

Now! Ryan roared in anger, and Elias obeyed. He ran past where the mage originally appeared, and turned a corner towards the outer parts of town. He didn't turn back to see the fight that begun, he only heard the loud clashes that erupted behind him.

 

He very quickly reached the road that would rise along the escalating side of the city, daylight was almost entirely gone, and he knew the city was in chaos and confusion. By the looks of the people he passed, nobody knew what was going on. A flash came from the corner of his eye, and he turned to see a large bolt of light fall from the night sky, it slammed into the city hall, and it fell in a pillar of smoke within seconds.

 

Elias stopped to gaze at it over the sea of rooftops, he didn't know what to think, the world as he knew it seemed to have turned upside down, there has hardly ever been any violence in this town. He turned to head up the street again, where several people were standing and gazing at the fires and rising smoke. But he saw several guardians appear out of a distant street corner, fully equipped with hard leather armor over red robes, a metal helmet on the heads, and long swords at their sides, ready to be drawn.

 

Everybody in this part of town, head to the riverside district! One of them shouted. Elias retreated into a small alley in between two houses. It was murky there, and reeked surprisingly bad, but it was completely dark, and so he waited until the guards walked bast amid the protests.

 

But the explosions are that way! Why would we be going to the middle of town!? A man shouted, but the guards only repeated their orders, ensuring that they can get back to their homes after the chaos, and soon the street was clear.

 

 

 

Elias got out of the alley and continued up the street. But he barely took two steps before someone jumped out of another alley. It was Julia, one of his friends, she had long blond hair and blue eyes. But without wait Elias shouted.

 

What are you still doing here!?

 

What are you doing here?

 

I was told to get out of the city, well I was hoping to find you and Charlie first, where is he? She looked back very frustrated.

 

That's the problem, he's hurt.

 

What? How? He followed her back into the alley, and they began running in darkness through the narrow spaces between the houses, their way only occasionally lit by the moonlight. They got even closer to the edge of town before Julia used what seemed to be her remaining strength to cast a small light in her hand, dimly illuminating our surroundings.

 

 

 

Charlie lie at the side of a building, clutching his bleeding chest. His curly red hair was stuck to his face with sweat.

 

What the hell happened!? Elias shouted as they reached him.

 

We were near the edge of town, and we saw- She was trying to catch her breath.

 

What.

 

-We saw soldiers, they looked entirely foreign, I didn't recognize them at all.

 

What did they look like?

 

They all had white robes under their metal armor, and white helmets. The image of the white mage Ryan fought at the bridge appeared in Elias's mind.

 

Then what?

 

One of them spotted us, he ran over and stabbed Charlie with a small dagger, and then told us to get out of sight! Tears began to appear in her eyes. Can you believe that? He just told us to get out of sight after stabbing Charlie! We had no choice but to hide here. Then I tried to use some healing spells, but I don't think they did much.

 

We have to get out of town.

 

Whoa wait- Charlie spoke. That's where they all are.

 

Who told you to get out of town anyway? Julia asked.

 

Ryan.

 

Ryan? They both spoke in surprise. Julia continued. Well he's a bloody genius, how do we get through those soldiers?

 

Wait here. Elias pleaded, and without wait he ran to where he thought the nearest street was.

 

 

 

He reached one right away, it was quiet, but as he sneaked up to it he turned to see an entire distant group of white dressed soldiers with their backs turned to him, marching to the center of town. I stood for a moment, watching them walk away, but like a curse to make this day worse, he heard one of them speak.

 

You three, sweep the alleys in this part. Elias got the urge to scream in anger.

 

These people are really going to get everybody. He whispered to himself as he sprinted back, Julia was still at Charlie's side when he got there.

 

Let's get you up Charlie, we really do need to get out of town.

 

What, what did you see?

 

Some of the soldiers are going to be sweeping the alleys. He replied, getting one of Charlie's arms around his shoulders. Julia stared at him in horror. No time, let's go. He whispered, getting up with Charlie on his back, who in turn let out a groan. They went through the narrow alleys as fast as they could, as another explosion was heard in the distance, making the ground tremble.

 

They managed to evade any guards looking through the alleys, and were already at the edge of town, where black woods began just further ahead, but beyond that were mostly fields. Elias couldn't understand how they all got here so fast without being noticed. They turned to look back at the city that they were leaving, the sight was unreal. Four flames rose from the recent explosions, but more frightening were the several small flashes that were appearing all around the edges of the city on the other side of the massive gorge it was. Multiple distant sounds of blasts, and clashes accompanied the jolts of light. The entire city was surrounded, how did this happen?

 

 

 

Escapees? A voice came from behind them, three soldiers appeared out of the woods, all wearing white metal plate bodies, thick robes covered their legs, and their helmets had only narrow slits for sight. You aren't going anywhere, all citizens of this town are placed under an execution order. Let's make these three formal.

 

Why are you doing this? Julia pleaded. Why would you attack this town, it's not a threat to anybody.

 

Oh I beg to differ. One of the soldiers walked up with his sword pointing at them. No matter, you are all corpses.

 

No. Another soldier spoke, Elias couldn't tell which because of the small echo their helmets caused, and the faces unseen. The girl lives.

 

Oh what was I thinking, the girl will be a bonus. Our secret though, or else they we'll have to kill you. As they spoke, Elias let Charlie on the ground, he might as well attempt a fight with them, if they don't know any magic, he might have a chance of escaping with Charlie and Julia. But just to contradict him and make everything as bad as in could get, the soldier closest to them tapped his sword with the back of his hand, and the blade was suddenly devoured in a bright orange flame.

 

Don't get carried away and kill the girl! They all laughed, while Elias stared at the incoming death to a burning blade. Fury rose in him, he and Charlie were going to die, and something possibly even worse awaited Julia. He felt like the anger was flowing inside his veins, burning, the black forest wasn't so dark anymore, and the fire not so hot. But he felt dizzy, he was going to fall over before he was going to die, he raised his hand to stop the burning sword that was coming closer. He saw his hand wrap around the blade, unhurt by the fire.

 

 

 

The night forest was moving fast under him, he was flying across the night sky at unimaginable speeds, every hill and every mountain went by in a flash, every field and every town went by unnoticed, every sea and every tower was left behind forgotten. Elias. A soft voice whispered as he continued to fly over the lands under the starry sky. You need to go, we'll be alright, you need to get out of here whatever you do. The starry sky turned to day, everything slowed, one town captured his attention, it got closer... and closer... he could see the people, he reached ground level. He was flying through the narrow streets until he passed himself sleeping on the bench, he didn't stop, he went on, past many old houses, until he reached Joshua and Lewis, he flew by them too. But he was going even slower, until he saw two men walking, they were wearing brown robes, and hooded. They were skilled in magic, one was twenty six years old and was a sorcerer. The other was thirty nine, a wizard. The one who sent them wanted Elias. Yet he flew at them, fast, until he flew right into them, and woke up. He was still sitting on the bench.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Is it that I am the only one here that reads this great story? People have to give you comments other than me.
Heh, maybe it's a bit long, over 9k words after all.

 

 

 

Well, if you have read a single book, you probably have read this much lol

 

People are just too lazy to scroll.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...
  • 4 weeks later...

Like BlueJay said earlier, this is definitely better. There are some things you need to improve though. First of all is your point of view. You keep switching back and forth between third and first person, and it can really confuse you, giving the feeling that you are referring to some unkown character when the only person involved is Elias. Second of all is grammar and spelling, and the mistakes in this give me the feeling that English isn't your first language.

 

 

 

After reading this, I can see some definite connections to your first one. I think of this as an alternate universe to your first story, where the worlds are similar, but just x happened instead of y. Also, it's pretty clear that Elias has quite the potential as a mage. I also like the difference between mage and sorcerer, but am definitely interested in learning more about other classes, I'm speculating that some rely on talismans/rune-like objects for power, others potions, and maybe even thought/emotion. Or that could just be my over-active imagination.

 

 

 

Anyways, good to see you came back, I really wanted a continuation of that story, but this is even better.

There's no such thing as regret. A regret means you are unhappy with the person you are now,

and if you're unhappy with the person you are, you change yourself. That

regret will no longer be a regret, because it will help to form the new,

better you. So really, a regret isn't a regret.

It's experience.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Like BlueJay said earlier, this is definitely better. There are some things you need to improve though. First of all is your point of view. You keep switching back and forth between third and first person, and it can really confuse you, giving the feeling that you are referring to some unkown character when the only person involved is Elias. Second of all is grammar and spelling, and the mistakes in this give me the feeling that English isn't your first language.
My third language actually, but I think the real problem is that I didn't take enough time to proof read before putting it up. A bit careless of me. Same goes for the POV switching, I should keep it as third person.

 

 

 

After reading this, I can see some definite connections to your first one. I think of this as an alternate universe to your first story, where the worlds are similar, but just x happened instead of y. Also, it's pretty clear that Elias has quite the potential as a mage. I also like the difference between mage and sorcerer, but am definitely interested in learning more about other classes, I'm speculating that some rely on talismans/rune-like objects for power, others potions, and maybe even thought/emotion. Or that could just be my over-active imagination.
You are very right in everything you said. I'm planning to make many classes, all complex and different, yet all linked.

 

 

 

Anyways, good to see you came back, I really wanted a continuation of that story, but this is even better.
I'm very glad you liked it, thanks a lot for the imput.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.