Falador's true Hero

[Hopius]

Prologue: The book of a Legend

 

 

 

Sir Amik Varze had a hard day, the black knights have declared war. In any moment they might attack, he and his troops weren't ready. He carelessly walked towards the library, as he entered, a book was upon a desk. The book was color red and was trimmed with gold, it was titled "Falador's Hero". He opened it, the pages were old, and on the front page were two portrait of a young warrior. The first portrait was a warrior who wore no armour, his hair was blonde, deep blue eyes, fair skin, masculine, and he looked like seventeen years of age. The second portrait was also the warrior, but he wore full armor that was white and was trimmed with gold, he wore a trimmed skillcape of Prayer that perfectly matched his armor, on his left hip was a sheath made of hard, studded leather, on the right hand was a sword, it's hilt was in the symbol of Saradomin, it's blade was divine, it was the Godsword.

 

 

 

Amik's eyes widen, he never believed that these sword ever existed, these sword can kill a god. He never saw the book also, it was amazing that it was old, and it was dated back "The middle of the 4th age". He turned the first page and was now reading the first chapter....

 

 

 

~End of Prologue

 

 

 

[Hopius]

Chapter One- a Father's heirloom

 

 

 

Shogen, a typical young teen of Falador of the 4th age, he had short blonde hair, his eyes were deep blue, he had fair skin. His father died last year, he was left alone. When his father was still alive they were rich, but today he sold all the furnitures and including his mansion to the king, he sold everything except for a sword, it was large and it had a four pointed star in it's hilt. He found this sword at a chest, a golden chest.

 

 

 

He was moving to a small house that was just a little north from the castle, the house was filled with dust, cobwebs, crumpled papers, and even ashes. The house had no furnitures, 'I must find a job after this work'he thought as he swiped the dust on the window. After an hour the house was neat, and there were also furnitures. Shogen left the house and went directly towards the general store.

 

 

 

"Can i apply?"Shogen asked the shopkeeper.

 

"We don't have any vacant jobs"the shopkeeper said politely.

 

 

 

Shogen sighed and went towards the bank, "Can i apply as a banker?"he asked hoping that he will be hired.

 

"No, we can't give out jobs today!"the banker shouted angrily and threw a crumpled paper at Shogen.

 

Shogen didn't react, he was embarrassed. He went out sadly at the bank, he walked at the streets of Falador like a crazy man. He grinned as he saw a flyer on the ground, written in the flyer was:

 

 

 

"To those who are good in swordfighting,

 

We would like to hire you as white knights,

 

we only accept those who have no criminal records.

 

Please go inside the palace and talk to the squire.

 

 

 

Payment fee will be 1,500gp per day."

 

 

 

Shogen was delighted, he was good in sword(Take note that Shogen's father was a good swordsman), and he had no criminal records, the fee was pretty good. He dashed towards his home and took his sword. He went nearer to the squire.

 

 

 

"Sir, can I apply as white knight?"he asked gleefully,

 

"Name and Surname?"the squire asked,

 

"Shogen Bladeholder"he replied.

 

"You may join! Please go inside the palace, then go right, then left, and you might find the training grounds"the squire said after checking and reading a bunch of papers.

 

"Wait, I have to tell you that you must leave your house and stay here for two weeks for training, and you can't join the army completely if you don't have full Initiate armor"the squire instructed.

 

 

 

[Hopius]

Chapter two- Almost late and fighting a friend

 

 

 

Shogen dashed towards the door which leads to the training grounds, all the trainees looked at him angrily. "Sorry"he said, the trainer put Shogen's name at the list. "Okay, I know you are all good in swordfighting, I will choose who will fight"the trainer said looking at the list. "Hi, my name is Klossal"a man said to Shogen, this man was about twenty-two years old, he had long brown hair, green eyes, tanned skin, he wore a shirt that was plain, his pants were rugged. "My name's Shogen, nice to meet you"Shogen replied.

 

 

 

"Mr. Shogen"the trainer said and he stood up, "Mr. Volkenz"the trainer said as an ugly, weird, looking man stood up, "Both of you will fight using this swords"the trainer said as she pointed at two long, light bamboo swords. Shogen and his foe took the sword. "START!"the trainer shouted, and the enemy attacked first, he swung his sword left so powerfully that Shogen was almost beaten. Shogen and his enemy clashed their swords, but in the end Shogen slashed the man's knee, which made a temporary injury that will last for only thirty minutes. Everybody clapped their hands as Volkenz fell to the ground.

 

 

 

"Next fight will be Mr. Klossal versus Mr. Stolniz"the trainer announced, Klossal and his enemy stood at once. They both took the bamboo sword and began, Klossal easily knocked down Stolniz with just four strikes. "Now the fight will be Shogen versus Klossal"the trainer said, Shogen was nervous in these fight, he knew that Klossal was challenging. Klossal attacked accurately, while Shogen blocked it easily. The fight was long and exciting, Shogen and Klossal clashed their swords, Shogen took advantage and used the heel of the sword as the weapon, Klossal was knocked down.

 

 

 

"Our winner is Shogen!"the trainer shouted, "Okay make a line, I'm going to give the payment". Shogen was first in line, second was Klossal. "Hey that was a good fight"Shogen said cheerfully,

 

"Yeah, you are good"Klossal replied.

 

"Hey look at that armor!"Shogen exclaimed as he pointed at an armor that was white and trimmed with gold.

 

"That's full Initiate, how beautiful"Klossal said as he admire such beautiful armor.

 

"I'll collect all my money and buy that, it's only-I mean its expensive, it costs ten-thousand!"Shogen said.

 

"You came from a rich family?"Klossal said cleverly, Shogen nodded.

[llamster]

Some (by that I mean many) parts of it are very corny (like Shogen being able to join the White Knights just like that). The main problem, though, is your horrific grammar. There's tons of run on sentences, and you keep on switching tenses (from past to present).

 

 

 

This would be a good story, but only if you fix the grammar.

[Hopius]

I am making a new story, please do NOT open this anymore

[aeternitatis]

This isn't great, sorry. Basically anyone can think of this plot and there is a large number of spelling/grammar mistakes. Take this as criticism for your next attempt. Good luck. ;)