Poetry

[llamster]

This is all stuff I wrote for school.

 

 

 

----

 

 

 

Joy is the pain of others;

 

Their desperate pleas for help

 

falling on deaf ears,

 

drowned out by my ecstatic laughter.

 

Weeping and gnashing of teeth

 

like music to my ears.

 

Their eyes filled with despair

 

seeking an end

 

that will never come.

 

 

 

----

 

 

 

Fear is darkness descending,

 

the cries of unspeakable horrors

 

piercing the night,

 

breaking the courage and will.

 

They hunt in the dark,

 

looking for victims.

 

There is no escape.

 

The end has come.

 

 

 

----

 

 

 

The pain comes, flowing hard

 

Every minute it only gets worse.

 

Tied down, there's no escape.

 

Every minute it only gets worse.

 

Everything you've known and loved

 

Washed away like debris

 

On a torrent of death.

 

Every minute it only gets worse.

 

The abberant specter

 

Embraces you,

 

Wasting flesh against your skin,

 

Dark sightless eyes staring into yours.

 

Every minute it only gets worse.

 

Your friends and family

 

Condemn you to this awful fate.

 

Every minute it only gets worse.

 

 

 

----

 

 

 

The air fills with screams

 

There will be no joy tonight

 

Pain is all they know

 

 

 

----

 

 

 

The voice inside speaks,

 

Commanding, controlling me

 

There is no freedom.

 

 

 

----

 

 

 

Night covers the sky,

 

Choking off the light to a

 

World filled with sorrow.

[Earth_Poet]

The voice inside speaks,

 

Commanding, controlling me

 

There is no freedom.

 

 

 

This haiku is probably my favorite. It's certainly the most coherent.

 

 

 

 

 

I'm not sure where you are in your level of poetry, but I'm guessing you are between 14-17. I wrote a lot of angst-filled, dark poetry myself. The problem with writing dark poetry is almost the same problem when trying to write a love poem, and that is avoiding the cliches.

 

Some examples would be:

 

 

 

"falling on deaf ears"

 

"weeping and gnashing of teeth"

 

"eyes filled with despair"

 

"unspeakable horrors"

 

 

 

The first poem sounds like it wants to be violent, and if it is it's falling short. If the narrator is a killer, let him out and have fun in the poem. Get violent and gory if you like, but don't do it halfway. Chewed organs, tendons and ligaments snapping and being pulled apart from bone, the victim starting out bargaining for their lives, then bargaining for their death as they lose hope, and of course the joy all of this brings to the narrator. When you write you have to be willing to not hold anything back. Paint a clearer image of what's happening rather than just setting the mood. This poem would be my second favorite so far.

 

 

 

 

 

The second poem kind of confused me. Who is they that is hunting? Fear? Is it personifying fear? The end has come. For all of us, or just the victims?

 

 

 

In the third poem, you misspelled aberrant.

 

 

 

Good luck and keep writing!

[llamster]

The dark elements are mostly for the amusement of my friends, if you'd like to know.

[i_love_burritos]

Out of interest, are you in high school ?

 

 

 

As for my c/c, it sounds far too pretentious. Too angsty, too dark.

 

 

 

They dont actually convey any message, but instead they are jumble of interconnected words without any real focus.

 

 

 

Make them less vague.

[Kilo]

Starting to write poetry is the first step, but always look for ways to make your poems better. The minute you think your poem is perfect, is the same minute that you should start looking for ways to make it better. Try and focus on a scene and explain that. You can use emotion, but make it relative to the scene that your trying to portray.

[llamster]

^That's a good idea.